Very confused

Losing a parent
1

I’ve been very confused and angry recently. My dad hasn’t been in my life since i was maybe like 5/6 and I’m 28 now but 4 years ago I found his mum, my grandmother and he messaged me his number saying I could phone when I was ready but I just never was ready. And last week I got a message saying he was dying and if I wanted to go see him and I said yes because I’ve always craved a father in my life and always wanted a relationship with him but when I got told he was dying he died 2 days later before I got a chance to see him. And there’s not even a funeral for me to attend. This was all last week and I’ve been so depressed since I feel riddled with guilt that I could of done something more and I feel like I don’t deserve to grieve his death but it’s so heartbreaking that I’ll never have him to have a relationship with like he’s just gone forever and I feel like I’ve been denied so much by not even having the chance to say goodbye to him

1 Like
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Hello @Flowerle,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and how you are feeling, this is truly awful for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

We also offer further supportwhich you might find helpful:

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hi Flowerle, I know how hard this was for you. I fell out with my parents at the age of 20 certainly not as young as you but it still hurts. I don’t even remember what it was about. I had my own family so never even thought about getting in touch with them. We even moved house without them knowing. Anyway to cut a long story short, I hadn’t seen them for 20 years when out of the blue I had a phonecall from my sister, who had been trying to find me for the previous 5 years. By chance she had looked on the electoral roll and found me. The sad news was my mother had died, luckily it was in time for the funeral. They had been looking for me a few years earlier as she had been seriously ill in hospital and was asking about me. Luckily she pulled through that time. When I got to their home my father hugged me and said don’t leave it so long next time, no reproach just relieved I was there. I kept in contact with him every week for the next three years when I had another phonecall to say he had passed away. I have to live with the knowledge and guilt that I never made it up with my mother but was thankful I had that time with my dad. Don’t feel guilty how ever impossible that maybe just now. Take comfort in the fact that you reached out to him and he was happy that you did. You weren’t ready at that time to see him not knowing how little time he had left.
Take care of yourself, thinking of you at this time