I was raped when I was a 17 year old Catholic virgin. Mentally I was about 13. He made me pregnant and I lost her at 6 weeks. Wanting to have saved it for marriage : I did not want to be pregnant (not least so that nobody had to find out what had happened to me) and also because it would have ruined my life. Consequently, I didn’t love her when she was alive and I was relieved when I lost her but NOW I love her with my whole heart but it is killing me to think that she knows none of it! I’ve been in the depths of grief for 3 weeks now and it’s not getting any easier!
Welcome to the community. I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through.
I would like to recommend the following organisations that can support and help you.
Miscarriage Association [http://miscarriageassociation.org.uk] for help and support. They do have a helpline number on 01924 200799 (Monday-Friday 9am-4pm) along with a Live Chat. They do have a Facebook page too you can join.
Sands offers support to anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby before, during or shortly after birth. http://sands.org.uk
They do have a helpline on 0808 164 3332