Very long delayed/unexpressed/complicated grief

I lost my Mother 34 years ago when I was 18 to Cancer.
I didn’t know it was terminal. I wasn’t prepared for it, nor for Life continuing without her.
I also had an ambivalent relationship with her which further complicated unexpressed emotions.
I have suffered from periods of Depression ever since along with chronic feelings of loneliness and emptiness etc
Currently waiting to see a Counsellor to work on this.
Just wondering if anyone else has had experience of dealing with Unexpressed/Complicated grief years after Bereavement?
Many thanks x

I’ve coped with depression all my life and still fighting it never bottle anything up hit pillows if u feel angry im still trying to fight cancer for the third time but im still here never give up my friend god is looking down on you sendi g hugs

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Davey, I am pleased that you are going to have counselling because time is not important, grief doesn’t know time or timetable. Depending on the training and experience of the counsellor what route they take in helping you but please go with a very open mind and see how you feel after a number of sessions. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and your grief is no new. Take care and blessings to you. S xx

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Thank you for your reply. I’m sorry to hear about the Depression and Cancer. Sending you my best wishes xx

Thanks for your reply. Do you know of any good books relating to the subject of delayed/unexpressed/complicated grief?

There some but most are for therapists and they go far to deep which only makes it worse. Books on grief often contains odd chapters. Sorry I cannot be more helpful but please look on Amazon and see if anything seems worth buying. S.