Very new to this

My husband was diagnosed with leukaemia in November, started chemo soon after, contracted Covid in hospital and died on 28 December. Myself and our two sons were allowed in to see him and hold his hand the day before. It’s all so surreal. Sometimes I feel like I can function ok, other times I have no idea hat to do. We were together 32 years, did everything together. I have started reading about grief, that seems to help a bit. People have been really helpful but a lot of that had stopped now we’ve had the funeral. Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, I think.

So sorry for your loss your right people disappear after the funeral sad you get I will be there fir you anytime etc etc. 10 months for me friends good friends of myself and Mick not really contacted me for months if I bump into them they say I’m sorry I haven’t been in told it’s this lockdown . I liked to reply you have no phone to call me agree they don’t know what to say. A lady told me we are our friends worst nightmare when they see us haven’t a clue what to. But something would be appreciated.
Take care hard lonely journey x

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Hi both
My husband passed December the 5th
People don’t know what to say
And some off things when they do speak
Pisses me off
I feel like I am on my own in this grief
If I wasn’t on the site it helps me a little
Love to you all xx

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It’s odd isn’t it. Ultimately we are all completely alone with our grief, but places like this do seem to help a bit xx

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I am really sorry that you are here amongst us sad people instead of living the life you should be with your dear husband.

My husband and I joyfully celebrated our 15yr wedding anniversary in September and a month later I was trying to bring him back to life after he went from fine to dead within minutes one morning. I didnt succeed.

I don’t have kids but have close family members who put themselves out in every way imaginable to help me. This week I finally realised I am alone regardless and only I can do this or not. So I finally started living completely alone even though terrified.

I’ve had several “friends” take the opportunity of my desperation and loneliness to try and convert me to their beliefs/ religions.

Another colleague who I thought understood and cared about me (he lost his dad and had been suicidal previously, I’d talked with him a lot and now thought he was genuinely doing the same for me, one of only ones in my real life who may understand slightly) but seems he actually has a romantic interest in me which sickens me and I didnt realise until now. I didnt really have friends as my husband was all I needed. Now I need them so reached out a lot but experience only disappointment and wishing I hadn’t bothered.

I talked to my therapist about not being able to rely on any of my “real life” friends and she said death makes people uncomfortable and they need to comfort themselves so that is why we get all this nonsense from them instead of what we really need is for them to just acknowledge and be with us in our pain. They cannot cope with the discomfort so avoid us altogether or if we are “lucky” they try to fix us.

Having a dark day today but I’ve been a bit better recently since I started being by myself more with the freedom to grieve. It’s up and down for sure and I still can’t see any future either.

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Hi
I have a dark day everyday
Life is really heartbreaking and unbearable
All I ever need was my husband so finding it hard
He was my best friend didn’t need anyone else
So bloody hard xx

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It’s really hard Debbie yes. I don’t know what the point is in anything now either.

Andy birthday feb the 4th
Had to order flowers today
So in a dark place so upsetting
Dreading it xx

I know it’s hard for people to say things to you, I think it’s because they don’t want to keep upsetting you
I moved to live near my sister 10 years ago and we were both enjoying retirement together, then she passed away within 17 days of a diagnosis of cancer
I didn’t tell many people that she was ill, as I didn’t want to upset them!
My heart is broken but I did and will continue to support my brother in law and their two boys, because even as independent adults, their loss is immense
6 months down the line, I struggle everyday without my sister in my life, and wonder, why she was taken so quickly, but I have to get on with life and do this, by appreciating just how much I loved her
I truly hope that life becomes more easier for you x

Dear Kim

Totally agree. My husband died in September. Hardly any contact from one of his brothers. Then after 3 months sends a text listing all the things that have been keeping them from contacting me. Despite my son’s protests I sent her a text back telling her all the things going wrong in the house/car that I was having to sort out by myself. I think my reply would have been a bit more polite had they bothered to pick up the phone to speak to me rather than hide behind a text.

Fortunately I have two friends I can rely on when everything is going wrong - one my best friend the other my husband’s best mate. His other so called friends are noticeable by their absence. The issue I have is that I was intending (lockdown permitting) to invite these same individuals to join the family when we scatter my husband’s ashes but not sure what I will do now. Sure my son will have an opinion.

Hello
Same here my husband as 2 brothers
Not one off them have rang text nothing
Just think now stuff them
At the funeral they both said we will help you
As much as we can not a word from the pair off them
Take care xx

Hi Debbie and Sheila
What we have to go through Mick has 2 brothers one phoned me 3 times a week the other one texted me the night Mick died. The funeral we could only have 6 people the one brother again texted and said well there will be more than 6 if I come. I have not heard from him since 10 months ago. I know what Mick would say.
Keep safe take care x

Hi Debbie

Fortunately my husband’s other brother does stay in touch which I am grateful. When we need people most it is most hurtful that they are not there for us. Just so many things going wrong in the house and with the cars - they are the least of my worries as I deal with police, probate etc. - it would have just been nice if he could have stood by his word to help with the other issues. But as you say stuff them - he will have to look himself in the mirror. Me and kids have enough trying to survive each day.

Take care. xx

Dear Kim

The funeral restrictions just added another layer of stress for us all. When Ian died the numbers had increased a little. I had both a church service and the crem. 30 were allowed at the church but had to be put into ten pre-existing bubbles so had to chop numbers and there were 15 for the crem. Ian was the middle brother and always tried to act impartial so I am sure if he is looking down that he will not be too happy with my approach. But I feel strongly on this point and would have hoped they would be their for our kids if not me. I just feel it is just so disrespectful to Ian.

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Hello
We all just need a little help don’t we
We have enough going on
We struggle everyday and like everyone on this site don’t know
How we get thru a day
Please take care x

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