My wife died only 8 weeks ago, I’m not doing well with the loss, she was also my best friend and soul mate, going home at the end of the day is horrible, a dark cold empty house, sitting alone eating alone sleeping (mostly not) alone, waking at 3 not being able to go back to sleep so getting up, then do the same thing again. I talk to her every day, just as we always did at the end of the day.
@blighty5531 Hi and sadly welcome to the site, so sorry to hear of your loss, you must be feeling completely overwhelmed emotionally. You’ve made a good decision coming on here, it’s been 14 months or so since I lost my wife, coming on here helped me to deal with a lot of the fallout I was experiencing, everyone on here can relate in one way or another, we’re all here for the same reason, we understand. It’s very early days for you and there’s not really much I can offer that will help you feel better, things will come in waves but the waves eventually will get further apart. Be patient with yourself emotionally, hard I know but it’s all you can really do. IT’s difficult to get used to being on your own, it takes time and effort but it can be done, unfortunately you will get used to it on some level. Things are very much easier for me these days, I still feel overwhelmed at times but these are now few and far between. Hope you can keep reaching out on here.
@blighty5531 my condolences, it is very early days for you and these long dark winter nights don’t help. It was 6 months yesterday when my partner took his last breath. It’s a rollercoaster ride, some days are better than others. People keep telling me I am handling it well and I guess I am on the whole. I’m trying to get on with my life. I’ve taken on two volunteering roles (I gave up work when he passed) but there are still many nights when I just sit and cry. Today I’m missing him terribly, I had a fall on Sunday and have injured my back, I am struggling in my flat alone and that really sucks because just a few months ago and I would have had him around to support me. It’s all a learning curve but I know I can’t change it. Give it time and allow yourself time to grieve, it is different for everyone.
Here I am again, 2am still awake, three and half hours until I have to get up and get ready to go to work, 2 months now, I’m sure I’m not alone in this stage of grief, I get the idea of grief being exhausting by itself, but complete loss of being able to sleep isn’t helping, even if I take a sleeping pill I’m awake a couple of hours later.
Hi. I totally understand where you are. It’s been 10 weeks since my wife suddenly passed away and I still can’t come to terms with it. I’ve not had a decent nights sleep since it happened despite being prescribed sleeping tablets. The exhaustion is overwhelming. When I do sleep I dream about her and us being together but then I wake up and I have go through the pain of her not being here all over again, it’s so cruel. I’ve gone back to work but I can’t concentrate and my motivation is nonexistent. I don’t have any answers for you but want you to know you’re not alone.
Without accidentally saying the wrong thing, I wish I could get enough sleep to be able to dream, in the hope she might come and join me in a dream, 8 weeks tomorrow, and now the first person has said " time to find a new life partner, you deserve to be happy again, you know it’s what she would want you to do" Sorry bad language alert, I’ll keep it semi clean “Sod Off” how dare you suggest I should be ready to move on to a new relationship. Just have to get used to to the few people who will be so utterly thoughtless and know nothing about grief!
Wow, what an unbelievably insensitive thing to say. If anyone said that to me I’m not sure I’d have been able to control my actions and they certainly wouldn’t be a part of my life anymore. I’m finding friends and family, whilst they have the best intentions at heart, struggle to know what to say. If I hear, “take one day at a time”, or “time is a healer” one more time I’ll scream!! My life has changed beyond recognition and all the plans we had for the future were snubbed out in an instant. Sometimes I think about ending it all to get away from the pain but we have 2 children so I need to be there for them. Maybe people are right and things will get better with time but it’s doesn’t feel like it now.
Problem was it was my brother, he has a full content rich life, he really does think I should be moving on, at the moment, I can’t actually imagine a life without her in it, a replacement is the last thing on my mind, daft thing to say, the only reason I won’t say, I wish it had been me, is because I now know I would not wish this much pain on anyone, so I’ll bear it, no matter how lonh it takes, sounds bad said like that, thing is I’ve seen so much death in my life (work) that I really thought I would sort of survive this, oh how wrong I am, the gut wrenching pain of every day, the sheer exhaustion of grieving, the uncontrollable emotional tsunamis that suddenly arrive and stop you in your tracks, and the you get “find someone else, move on, you know you’ll have to get on with life, so why not just do it” sorry rant over, but it’s my grief and I’ll do it my way, not another person’s idea of how I should grieve.
You will never get over this pain it will allways be there so take care