Very sudden death of my Dad, how do I help Mum?

My Dad suddenly died 3 weeks ago after an accident at home. My mum found him when she came back from a trip away. She carries that trauma and I wish I could take it away from her.

I need to know how to help Mum now she’s on her own after 48 years of them being together. I have to work to bring home money, my sister and I are around 30 and we have homes and partners and animals and so our lives have to continue, but I need to have some ideas with what I can do to help mum live in the house where she found Dad. I’m constantly worried about if she’s crying, coping, lonely and this is harder for me to deal with at the moment, than the fact that my daddy is no longer here.

I have suggested therapy, but Cruse have a waiting list and she’s reluctant anyway as it’s something she’s never done.
I am investigating getting her a rescue dog who needs her love and attention.
I ring her twice a day and am constantly messaging her.

Is there anything else I can do for her?

Any ideas are welcome at this point.

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Hi Bren89,

I’m sorry to read about the recent sudden loss of your dad. I’m on this site because I lost my mum suddenly 2 years ago, but your post reminded me of when my dad had a sudden fatal heart attack at home when my parents were 53.

I spent so much time worrying about my mum that I failed to grieve for my dad and now I grieve heavily for them both so much, even though its 22 years since my dad.

You are checking in with your mum twice a day and ensuring she is ok. With my mum I suffocated her and called her several times a day, took her everywhere with me and didnt leave her alone. It was only when I went on a pre booked holiday a few weeks after my dad died that I gave her space and she was fine.

It’s good that you are looking out for her but she will have to become accustomed to what has happened her own way.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things but make sure you are looking after yourself as well.

Things will get easier, I promise. You are all still in shock. It took me a year before i could even mention my dad and it has taken me two years to come to terms with the sudden loss of my mum too.

I personally think it’s too soon for counselling. I had it 3 months after my mum died and I hated it, it was far too soon.


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