Hello
I have a younger brother aged 53 he lives on his own and he has severe Asperger’s syndrome and he’s not once showed an ounce of grief over my dad and I losing my mum nearly 8 years ago. I can only assume it’s his condition he has that is why he won’t show any emotion. He didn’t come to my mums funeral. I find it hard to get on with him whilst all the time trying to make sense of why he is the way he is.
I worry about my dad running around after him doing his washing driving to his nearly every day. My dad pays his mortgage when my brother regularly loses his job he works as a painter and decorator and there’s no such thing is permanent jobs In his industry he’s lucky to get more than say a months work but when he does lose his job he goes to pieces and takes it out on everyone. I fear my dad could end up in an early grave if my dad keeps running around after him. My dad’s 80 years old and none of it is fair on him. My brother did it to my mum regularly he drove her round the twist. I have to say I’m fuming with how my brother treats my dad and I know my brother will become my problem when my dad isn’t here. I doubt I’ll be able to help him as I have a life of my own the only answer is my brother goes into something assisted living which he refuses to do. His home is an absolute mess he doesn’t clean it the place needs fumigating not only that his neighbours are sick of him. I honestly think he needs to make a fresh start somewhere else. He won’t even go the doctors get medication to calm him down he won’t even acknowledge he has this condition. How do you help someone like him who’s so complicated when he doesn’t want to himself? My dad and I have discussed my brother at length and my dad worries what will become of him. I told him there is nothing I’ll be able to do and I know he’d have to move in with him if needs be but I also know it would be a life of hell he’d smash the house up. How do you live with someone who’s like that?
My brother is always in trouble with the police hes well known to them he’s been in prison a few times. I fear he’ll become institutionalised and be in prison permanently
My dad and I are at the end of our tether with him. To be honest I am sick of him
I don’t want to wash my hands of him at the end of the day he’s my brother
Hey @Steven it sounds like you have a really difficult and complex situation that you and your dad are facing.
Is there any professional help you could ask for in relation to your brother? Are there any adult neurodevelopmental
Services near you who could offer advice / support or even to signpost you. Or your GP ? There is lots more info around now about supporting people on the spectrum.
Your brothers thinking will be very different from yours and it may be that he grieves in a way that is not obvious at all. That doesn’t make it any easier for you and your dad though, who sounds like he is worried about how things will develop as he gets older and less able to manage.
Sorry - I’m Sure you’ve already thought about these things - I don’t know how you help someone who doesn’t see there is an issue or doesn’t want things to change - or perhaps thinks that change is an option.
Does your brother have anyone he is close to that could talk to him about your concerns ?
I am sorry you have to deal with this on top of your grief - sorry I have no answers.
Take care x
Hi roni
No there isn’t anyone close my brother can chat with. He’s only got my dad and I
As for professional help he wouldn’t seek it nor would he go to that help. It’s got to be his condition that prevents him doing something to help himself.
My dad and I believe the medication is what he desperately needs to calm down that’s his first priority. It’s whether he would keep it up regularly which my dad and I think he won’t. He leads a very complex and he doesn’t like change. He’s got no friends not even a parther and the trouble with that is I doubt anyone would be able to put up with him. They’d need to have bags of patience It’s such a shame because when he’s calm he’s a lovely human being.
The worrying thought is he thinks it’s normal to behave the way he does. I’ve lost count of the amount of times he’s lost it and gone completely overboard with his anger he’s only happy if he’s got a job
My dad and I want to help him but he makes it very difficult