Just take your time - no rush. I collected Ian’s ashes two days after my birthday (3 months after his death). It brought me no comfort. I drove down to the riverside and just screamed - if it wasn’t for the kids and grandson I think I could have just thrown myself in. Returned home and placed them in Ian’s wardrobe. For the remainder of the night I just ran up and down our bungalow screaming, shouting, crying and banging the wardrobe doors. I still have not told the kids that I have the ashes. Someone told me they hoped they would bring me some comfort - personally they did not. I need Ian here with me, smiling, laughing and joking. Like I say just take your time. Nothing prepares us for loosing the love of our life.
I chose the beach location because it means I can also just drive up by myself for anniversaries etc. and try to pretend that the sun is Ian smiling down on me, the rain sharing his tears and as the wind drives the sand across the beach that he is walking with me. In reality, five months on I just wish he would walk back through the door but I know that’s impossible.