Visiting his family

My boyfriend died last month we didn’t live together he lived with his family. I’m visiting his house and parents today. I feel so scared I’m going to really see he’s dead. As now it just feels like he’s at home as we didn’t see so much of eachother physically with lockdown. Seeing his empty room will break me.

He died in his bedroom.

I’m also going to pay off my part of the funeral. Today will be worse then the phonecall to say he had passed.

Dear SasBob,

I so hope that your boyfriend’s family is going to be very kind to you today and that they will allow you all the time you need to be in his room. There will be so many thoughts and memories going through your head and you may feel a whole range of emotions. His parents and you will have a lot in common as you all loved him and are now all grieving. I hope it will help both you and them to have this time together today.

Jo

Hi

It was nice to be with his family. Not as sad as I thought it would be. We also settled the funeral payment and collected his ashes.

I now have his ashes but I’m unsure what I do with them. I don’t want to be disrespectful to him or his memory. What have other people done.

Due to the Lockdown Karen’s ashes vare still in the wardrobe. Later this year we will scatter them in one of her favourite places

I too am waiting for lockdown to ease - in hope booked a cottage close-by to one of our favourite beaches and will scatter his ashes there. It is a place that holds special memories for me and family - in the future hope friends and family can spend a day on the beach and remember him with sun shining down on them.

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For me 3 months on I still haven’t collected Graham’s ashes. That’s me finally realising he isn’t coming back and I haven’t been ready for that :broken_heart:. I’ve spoken to undertaker and he’s happy to keep them until I am ready. Stupid I know and I hope the time will be right for me to do it soon then I can bring him home x

Take care
Julie x

Just take your time - no rush. I collected Ian’s ashes two days after my birthday (3 months after his death). It brought me no comfort. I drove down to the riverside and just screamed - if it wasn’t for the kids and grandson I think I could have just thrown myself in. Returned home and placed them in Ian’s wardrobe. For the remainder of the night I just ran up and down our bungalow screaming, shouting, crying and banging the wardrobe doors. I still have not told the kids that I have the ashes. Someone told me they hoped they would bring me some comfort - personally they did not. I need Ian here with me, smiling, laughing and joking. Like I say just take your time. Nothing prepares us for loosing the love of our life.

I chose the beach location because it means I can also just drive up by myself for anniversaries etc. and try to pretend that the sun is Ian smiling down on me, the rain sharing his tears and as the wind drives the sand across the beach that he is walking with me. In reality, five months on I just wish he would walk back through the door but I know that’s impossible.

Take care
Sheila xx

Thank you for sharing that Sheila I truly appreciate listening to your experience. I guess I will know when the time is right . I know I’m not going to get any comfort from having his ashes it’s him I want :broken_heart:

Take care

Julie x

We are all different I have my husbands ashes on the fire place in our lounge I know it’s not the same I want him. My children wanted him home so I went with there wishes I don’t really relate to his urn but told my children when anything happens to me to scatter us together. I’m getting used to him been at home where he always loved. Don’t rush it’s your choice x sending love x

My wife died in July and her ashes are on the sideboard where they will stay until I have the feeling to scatter them- I’m fine keeping them where they are for now. I plan to scatter them off the coast where we live- she loved being in and on the water.
Scattering her ashes will be very painful. I will have to accept that she has gone.

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