Visiting my daughter

An old friend of mine has asked to visit my daughter and sit with her at the funeral directors. None of the family wish to visit we want to remember her as she was. My daughter also refused all visitors in the hospital in her last few weeks of life. How can I explain to my friend that this is not something the family want without sounding cruel?

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hi Peejay
sorry for the loss of your daughter.
I would give your friend a call.explain that your daughter didn’t even
want visitors in the last few weeks of her life.And your respecting your daughters wishes in not allowing any one to see her at the funeral directors.
if your friend cannot accept your desire to follow your daughters wishes ,then she is not much of a friend sorry to say.


I very sorry for the recent loss of your daughter. I completely agree with what Ian has said.
Cheryl x

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It’s so difficult. We fear upsetting people, but know it’s the right thing to do. I agree with the above posts. Any real friend will understand. It’s not being cruel, not at all! When in grief, that so many who have not suffered will not understand, the last thing we want is to feel guilt of any sort.
You can put it to your friend in an understanding way. I agree with Jianye, if the response is negative then whose a friend?

I agree with the advice given. My husbands ashes were going to a family woodland site but at the last minute I found out that he wanted to return to his home town and be with his grandparents. I was so worried about informing his family of this but fortunately I had no problems when I explained the change.
My main concern was when he refused to let me inform his daughters how ill he was. There had been no contact for some time. I had no idea if there was a problem as my husband refused to talk about them and I didn’t want to upset him when he was so ill. I did ask for advice elsewhere and was told to honour my husbands wishes but it didn’t make me feel it was right. I’m sure if this person is a friend there will be no problem at all. Good luck.

Thank you all, sensible advice and it paid off, my daughter’s and family’s wishes have been respected and a good friendship kept.

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Hello, Peejay,
I am so sorry that you lost your daughter, you could manage without such complications at such a sad time.
I would be inclined to be honest with your friend and tell her the truth.
Welcome to this forum

I am sorry that I was so late in replying to your post.