I’m not sure whether to go and see my mum in the funeral homes chapel of rest. I’m only just starting to get over the flashbacks of her face when she died and I’m not sure whether that would bring it all back again or whether it might help.
The clock is ticking and I need to make a decision. The same goes for the photos that the funeral director said they would take. I don’t know whether I would want to see them or not.
I know nobody can tell me what’s best but I don’t know who else to turn to about it.
@MrsY I saw my dad dying & then his contorted features afterwards. I decided to see him in the chapel of rest thinking it might help for peace of mind. It didn’t because it didn’t look like him. They’d done their best but the dad I loved had gone. It also didn’t help that the hospital had kept his body for 3 weeks prior because they hadn’t filled out the forms. I don’t want to sway you either way. Some find it a comfort, I didn’t. You just have to do what you think is right. There’s no shame in not going. Big hugs during this difficult decision. X
Some people see this as a chance to say a final goodbye and to help with the grieving process. It is a hard decision to make as this will be the last image you have of your mum.
Going on experience I visited my dad in the chapel of rest and have not regretted it. He looked peaceful like he was sleeping not in a hospital bed when he had a cardiac arrest. I also said a lot to him while I was there and held his hand.
Do what you think is right for you and how it will have an impact on you mentally and further down the line being the last image of your mum. Will it help you or upset you.
Firstly, I am so sorry about your lovely Mum and hope you are bearing up in what is a really difficult time.
One of my siblings definitely wanted to visit. One of them knew they definitely didnt want to and I was, like you, undecided at first.
My Mum’s passing was within 4 weeks of her diagnosis so there were a lot of changes physically that i still find hard to think about and it all happened very quickly.
I decided to go and see my Mum and i am really glad I did because she looked like my healthy Mum and it actually helped with the last images i had seen before she died. It was during the first week of lockdown so we were limited on time but i wish i had got to spend more time with her at the funeral home.
Only you can make the decision. Do you have someone that can go with you for support afterwards so you can talk it through.
Sending lots of love
@MRSD well to be honest my sister has said she doesn’t really want to go and see her as she wants to remember her how she was but she would come with me if I wanted to go, but I think I’d rather go alone as I feel I can cope with things better alone as I’m not thinking that my upset will upset them or vice versa.
I’m worried she won’t look like herself and I’ll have that memory of her stuck in my head. That said the memory of her passing is bound to be far worse.
I was with my father at the end of his life from terminal cancer and when he took his last breath. I spent three days at the hospice with him and knew straight away that I wanted to see my dad in the chapel of rest. I think at first it gave me something to cling onto that I would “see” him again.
The first time I found it initially upsetting as it just felt surreal. It looked like my dad but I didn’t feel that he was there at all which felt strange.
I went back a further two times and just spent time with him. On the final visit I put a letter that I had written to him in his pocket which is something I wanted to do as it braught me comfort that this would be with him.
Since losing my dad I have felt upset thinking of the time spent in hospice in the final days as although he was sedated I often feel tormented that he might have known what was going on. I haven’t thought much about him being in the chapel of rest so in terms of it being traumatic it wasn’t any more so than everything else.
I went with my mum and brother the first visit and on the other two visits just with my mum. My brother on the other hand had no real desire to go to chapel of rest as my dad was no longer here at that point.
I hope you make the decision that is best for you.