Hi,
Does anyone else feel unbearably vulnerable since their loved one has died? I feel like I have no skin and am just open to whatever the world or other people is going to throw at me. Have no defences except shutting myself away and I can’t do that forever.
hello Treehugger ( by the way excellent name, I find I sneakily hug trees too, some are just hard to resist).
Your description of no skin is so powerful and apt for how I feel too. Since my husband died I’ve regressed but I’m growing back some skin but different to how it was before.
For 5 months or so I felt vulnerable to the tiniest things and now 8 months on I’m realising something is shifting but in the beginning I was in a permanent state of panic and overwhelm. Its truly horrendous, much worse than I could have imagined in my worse nightmares…
Keep breathing, try to eat, hydrate, rest and get some air… let us know how you’re doing. Time doesn’t heal but you can learn ways to solve some of the things making you vulnerable eventually maybe. There is no solution to this world of pain though… I’m sorry xxx
Incredibly vunerable, i feel everyone can see how raw, and screwed up i am. Almost as if i have been turned inside out
I also have new dimensions and sides to me, which aren’t me, but grief…
This further isolates me as i have little refrain from myself at times.
And one thing i have learnt, grief carries judgment from people…
Hi FleurDeLis, you have a good name too. Yes trees are often irresistible. I have a favourite ash tree tucked slightly out of the way near me so I don’t have to feel too self-conscious about giving it a hug!
I’m so sorry to hear that your husband died. Yeah, I think it is being overwhelmed. Just the constant flood of memory and sensations. Makes the world a scary place. You’re right, it is worse than anything can prepare you for.
I’m so glad to hear things are shifting slightly for you. I’m at 10 months and still so raw. But when I look back, there are differences as the months go by. It’s a new world, forming out of devastation. And there are no solutions I know.
I hope your very newest skin serves you well xxX
Hi Elvispresley 69, I know exactly what you mean - the grief is mine but seems to have it’s own momentum and I’m sure people think I’m acting very strangely at times. In fact I know they do because one horrid person told me so recently! But I think that said more about them than me… The isolation is extremely rough isn’t it. Just when you need understanding and care. Sometimes I think there should be walk in grief centres where you can just go and feel normal, not even have to talk… I find this site incredibly helpful when I feel alone. Sending hugs to you xxX