Waking up at odd times

I have been waking up at 3am every morning since Rob died.Is anyone else experiencing this?

Certainly am Jill, not only that but then I become so tired I am dozing off in the early evening and by the time I go to bed I don’t want to sleep and stay awake for hours eventually going back to sleep when I should be thinking about getting up. Some nights I sleep through the night just fine. My sleep pattern is all over the place. xxxx

ive not slept properly since I lost Jayne.my sleep pattern is all over the shop.sometimes doze off in the afternoon but I dont fight it as any sleep is better than no sleep.

I spend large chunks of the night just starring at the ceiling. My thoughts go over and over again the ‘what if’s and the unknown parts of my mothers death. One I move off that subject then I worry about other things.

I go to bed at 10 like we always used to but this waking up at 3 is driving me mad.I then sleep again until 5 ish.I am then dozing on and off during the afternoon and early evening.I don’t know if this will ever settle down.

I to have sleeping problems go to bed at 9.30 awake at 3 mind running round in circles tell myself off just drop off in time for alarm to get up for work :frowning:

I’m retired so I can have a sleep during the day.Having to go to work must be wearing you out.There’s no solution to that really.Jill x

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What I dread when I can’t sleep at night is dropping off early evening because when I wake I automatically look across to Brian’s chair and it takes a second to realise that he isn’t going to be there. So I go to bed early so that I will go to sleep in my bed but then I wake after about three hours and wide awake. Don’t know whether I’m coming or going some days. xxxx

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My biggest problem is I have prostate cancer so have to get up to toilet I then wake myself up back to bed and then my wife’s passing goes through my head again same every night she passed halfway through my treatment

I know how you feel Pat.I wake up and imagine Rob is on the settee.I go off to sleep OK but the waking at 3am is very tiring.I try to have a nap in the afternoon but I can’t go on like this and I can’t see a solution.I don’t need sleeping pills.

We seem to be on a similar pattern Jill. I woke up at 2.30a.m. this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep so as usual I watched TV and hoped for sleep to come. It did just as it was getting light so I had to fight it off. I certainly don’t want sleeping tablets either as some nights I sleep for England. It just catches up with me. Yes I go off to sleep easily enough that’s why I go to bed early.

I haven’t been on this site for quite a while, although I do dip in and out. My husband passed away 11 months ago and I can certainly concur with everything that friends have posted. This post is about sleep, my experience may or may not help, it has helped me. Obviously a goodnights sleep helps both physically and emotionally. I still occasionally have what I call my ‘night shift’ when sleep will not come.
When my husband was in hospital I bought him a tablet so he could watch sport/news etc., after he died my son suggested putting Netflix on.
My routine now and has been for 8 months, bed at 11pm
plenty of squishy cushions, hot drink and settle myself to watch a calm film, I usually choose one with episodes,
around midnight eyes get heavy close my tablet and I manage a good 5 hours very often getting up to make a drink, may continue the film and often fall asleep until 8am.
I still have my nap in an afternoon. I do not have a television in the bedroom, too large. On my ‘nightshifts’ I do not get anxious, may make toast/cuppa listen to either classic FM, Radio 4 or another easy film. (I am into Korean films, where you have to read subtitles)
I am still grieving and tears seem to come more often than in the early days but having a reasonable nights sleep helps me to cope better.
I was an avid reader, In fact we both had a couple of books on the go all the time, pleased that I have started reading very easy books again but i cannot watch TV programmes we used to watch together, although we were never really television fans,
I do hope this helps, believe me I was desperate, existing like many if you on a couple hours sleep until my son came up with this idea. I did need a bedside light on throughout the night, now i am managing with a night light.
I will just say, we were married 54 years, (I realise the pain is just as un bearable if married for only a few months) but that was a lifetime where we had built up so many wonderful memories. I moved to be near one of my sons although he and his family have been brilliant, I do not know anyone in this county. Where I now live is mostly made up of young people with families or career people so yes it is quite lonely, We were never people who joined clubs, we walked, lived near the sea so my husband spent time beach fishing where I would join him or sea fishing, caravanning etc., my hobbies sewing etc., so i know i have to carve out a New Normality, what that will be goodness knows.
I do hope my suggestion may help someone, it has me.
I also find I may not get up until 10 - 10 30am ish but I really dont get up tight about it. For someone who spent her life getting up around 6am to 7am I owe it to myself.
We cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully we will one day.
May 2020 bring you all Peace, Comfort, Strength and Courage
Irene x

Irene we have so much in common except that I have no interest in handicrafts, absolutely useless.
Regarding sleep, I too have Netflix, put on by my grandson, unfortunately I don’t have it on the TV upstairs so might have to think about another TV. I go to bed earlier than you as I usually fall to sleep downstairs and then can’t sleep at all. I also have plenty of cushions and my dogs to cuddle and watch TV until I drop off. I switch off later.
We never joined clubs but we do have allotments which I have kept going and been a great help. Something to focus on and give me a purpose. We was also Ramblers and I still walk everyday with the dogs, approx 2hrs, longer in the summer months. We also went camping and live by the sea. Brian was born by it so he never knew life away from the coast.
I continue with our interests which keep me going but normality, whatever that is, will it ever come to us again.
If I can’t sleep it doesn’t worry me as for every bad night I get a couple of good ones although I do have to get up to take the dogs out. xxx

Dear all of you who have interrupted sleep. Although I do not have a television in my bedroom, I often stay up late watching tv in my lounge, fall asleep in front of it, and eventually waking up way past midnight to go to bed!! I then hope, rather optimistically, that through going to bed late, I will be able to sleep through the night! At the most, I will sleep 3 hours, then wake, sometimes in tears. At this point, the tears are falling because I miss my lovely husband so much, who died 20 months ago, after 59 years of marriage, and four years of Courting before that. Such happy years, though we had the usual ups and downs of life, working for our living and home, concerns and responsibilities of family life, but always with our love for each other enabling us to carry on. Back to the sleep timetable- if I go to bed before midnight. I always wake about 3 hours later, feel I have to get up, and make myself a warm drink, a snack of maybe cereal or toast, then decide to settle in an armchair in the lounge and read a book. Sometimes I read for an hour or so, then fall asleep over the book, and when I wake some hours later, decide it’s not worth going back to bed. Lately, I have become more tearful, over my loss, and wonder if it is due to this irregularity of sleep. Over the years I’ve had many interests, such as dress-making, embroidery, love of cooking, and one could assume that now I would have ‘all the time in the world’ to do these things, but cant get round to doing them! Yes, I cook for myself, but not half as enthusiastically as when I had Alan and the family to cook for. Over the months since losing my beloved Alan, I have tried hard to make a ‘new life’ for myself, by joining groups where I meet people, such as the U3A, Mothers Union etc, but can still have my tearful times. Today, was one of those occasions. I needed to return a pair of boots that I had bought recently. which after I had got home, I realised they were completely the wrong style and fit for me!! Should have realised this of course before buying. However, before setting off for the store to return and hopefully exchange the boots I’d had a tearful session. Even wondered whether to go, but eventually got in the car and drove to the store. With tears in my eyes, after parking, felt like turning back and going home, but wiped my eyes, hoped my glasses didn’t show up my eyes too much, and made my way into the store. Success, I found the sales assistant so friendly and helpful I exchanged the unsuitable boots for some shoes ready for the better weather, and came away happy. Sorry for rambling on, it is now just after 1.00am, enjoyed my evening, relaxing after eating the dinner I had cooked, watched tv, fell asleep. Missed the News - I dont suppose there was much different from earlier in the day, and began to browse through this site, and write! Hope you all have a good night. My best wishes, thanks for reading. Deidre.

I’m loathe to tell you folks that two and a half years later and I still wake up most nights. Like Pat I don’t let it bother me. I don’t fight it, I get up, make a drink and read in the hope I will drift off again. I’m obviously getting enough sleep as I don’t fall asleep in the day. Fortunately I don’t have to be at work until the afternoon so if I do need a bit of a lie-in then I can. Usually I can fall asleep quite easily but tonight I’m struggling. It’s 1:15 am and I’m still wide awake :flushed:. Xxx

Hello again, Pat,
I do feel for you, I woke up at 3o’clock this morning (Monday). I have been doing this since I lost my Stan I have decided that I must take my medication when I have got into bed.
When I came home from the hospital my sleeping pattern was all over the place.
Take care,
Mary x

Take your meds an hour before you go to bed.That’s what Nytol recommend

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This is what I have been doing, Jill since Stan passed away, this is the usual pattern. Thank you for the advice, it is appreciated.
MaryL x

Hello Kate,
what does it matter if your routine has changed, it will be the new normal to you. I say sleep whilst you can, time doesn’t exist when you are grieving.

I am useless at handicrafts too, Pat besides I now have shaky hands.
Before the porphyria, I used to knit Aran sweaters, I loved doing intricate patterns, I lost count of the number I knitted, I used to knit all our grandson’s sweaters/jumpers too. Knitting for Stan was like trying to knit a stair carpet, he was very tall at 6feet5inches. I loved to see him wearing them.
Ah well, those were the days my friend, I thought they would never end. (Mary Hopkins)

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