When I wake up I find myself hugging my pillow and having conversations in my head with my loved one. Sometimes solving issues we never managed to or making plans. It’s so hard to get up out of bed, I wait until the last moment.
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Hello @Octopus11 ,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your ex partner. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Thank you 
Today I’m awake and hugging my pillow and all I can think is I want to kill myself, I want to die, over and over. I’m not going to do it, I just feel better when I say it to myself.
Hi I think a lot of us have those feelings at some point. I sometimes now, even after two and a half years still ask my husband to come and get me. But I know we have to carry on even for their sakes as they didn’t get the chance. Take care.X
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@Loobyloo2 Thanks. I know we have to carry on, you’re right. It’s hard because I don’t have many people in my life, I don’t have children or many friends I think it might be easier if I had people around me. I feel like a failure in so many ways and now this bereavement shows me that I am nothing without love and I don’t really have anyone. I do get bereavement counselling which is helpful. I think I’m lonely. I’m sorry to hear you lost your husband after so many years together. Xx