Wanting to break but can't

Coping with bereavement
1

mum died in April 24. I was there with her- my dad (81) said he’d pick me up from the hospital, but I told him no she’s not gonna be alone. (I’ve worked in care, including elderly, I’m a caring person). I have 3 children (2 ASD) and now care for my dad. I visit twice a week, somethime 3 times- give him company and do jobs in his home that he would struggle to do.

I know I need to grief and feel it- believe me I feel it but rarely let it show. The only time I can is when I’m alone- a rare occurrence, I do have a little cry then stop myself. I want to break but also feel that I can’t. I have so much on my plate and need to be the head strong one in the family - as when something happens to my dad, it’s gonna have to be me leading.

Yes I have a sister - she does nothing to help out with my dad.
Im awaiting bevement councilling - heard nothing from them since it was agreed.
First Christmas without her and I know it’s gonna be tough on my dad.
Mum was the glue that held use together. Now I’m that glue and it’s hard. So much more to this as well.

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That sounds like such a lot to cope with, @Cuckoo87. It sounds like bereavement counselling is a good idea, to have a space just for you. I hope you hear back soon.

In the meantime, I’m not sure if you know but you can talk to the Samaritans on on 116 123. Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to share that with you.

Take care
Seaneen

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Thank you x there other stuff to it all as well.

My parents used pure cremation, so no funeral. Which in a way I’m glad there wasn’t - think my sister would of been dramatic. She was when I told her. after trying to get hold of her for a couple of days to let her know mum was in the hospital. Just a lot of stuff