Hello
Has anyone experienced negativity and unpleasantness from siblings, following the death of parents?
I lost my parents within 4 months of each other. My sisters were appointed as executors and their behaviour towards my other sibling and myself has been appalling.
They have appointed themselves as caretakers of all sentimental and valuable items. They are making decisions and excluding the rest of us . Nothing was specified in my parents wills, only that all assets were to be spilt among us.
My older sister has become distant and ‘superior’ , she’s destroyed all financial statements etc that showed my parents banking etc .
I’m quite hurt as I was the one who did most of the caring for my parents, over the years.
My sisters only turned up during the last months of my parents lives.
I’m keeping a dignified silence as I don’t like conflict, however their behaviour really is awful.
I understood that executor meant they simply had to ensure the wishes of my parents were carried out . My eldest sister keeps saying ‘Mum told me etc etc’. I’m not entirely sure she’s telling the truth but if I challenge her, she becalmed nasty.
It’s all compounding the grief and it’s not what my parents would have wanted .
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Hi Annie.
Sadly my situation is the same, I lost my mum in August 24. I have one brother who is a bully. We are joint executors but he doesnt want me to do anything and tries to intimidate me all the time.
It is making it hard to grieve for mum, I was her main carer and he did little, (he was too busy with his own family), because of the fear I have of him.
My mum was clear about what she wanted to happen with everything and told us both, however he and his wife deny it.
I am on my own trying to get through it and its so hard. My mum protected me from him, and until she passed away I didn’t realise how much.
Another lady, on here, told me that one day this will be over and our rainbow 
will come. I am looking forward to that day and putting one foot in front of the other to get there.
What ever they choose to do, they manage to justify in their heads as being acceptable.
We know that we gave our mum’s the care and love whilst they were alive and needed it and we have the happy times to remember. I’d sooner have those.
Being on here has helped me because people don’t judge, we help each other stumble along.
Sending you a hug Annie.
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Thank you Phoebe8
I’m sorry you’re going through the same but grateful for your support and understanding.
You’re right, we have our memories and the knowledge that we did all we could for our loved ones.
A friend told me my sisters were acting out of guilt, convincing themselves of their own importance.
It’s not that I want anything , I just find it hard to deal with the consequences of their actions.
I send you a hug back .
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Hi Annie.
I think your friend may be right. If they take control it saves them have to think about what they didn’t do when our loved ones were alive.
The desire for power and control causes such misery for others and they don’t care at all.
Heartbreak in grief isn’t about power and never will be.
We loved our parents 
Hi Phoebe8
Yes, we loved our parents.
The day will come when my sisters have to deal with their own behaviour. I can’t see me having much to do with them once all this is settled.
My parents wanted the family to stay together, but I think they’d be horrified at the current situation.
It’s all just so sad.
Hi Annie.
Sadly I think that our relatives don’t have a conscience about what they have done. They have justified to themselves it was ok to do what they did and beyond that they don’t care.
It’s hard not to let them have space in our heads but every day brings anger and disappointment.
I absolutely don’t want anything to do with them afterwards, (and haven’t done for years before) but to get to that safe space I have lost my mum, my protector, and my world.
Sadly with my brother and his family, they are vile. They are never going to be any different because in their minds they are victims, and people should feel sorry for them. They are happy that way and it won’t change.
We need to take care of ourselves. We have truly done our best for our mum’s and our mum’s knew it and that’s the important thing 
.
Sending hugs your way. I’m here for you and me.
Phoebe
Hi Phoebe
You are right, our siblings don’t think they have done anything wrongs
My eldest sister has all my mum’s personal effects and she won’t agree a time for us to go through them.
My brother and I don’t trust her but we are powerless to do anything as mum didn’t specify what was to happen with her things in her will. She just said all money was to be split between us .
My eldest sister has always been nasty and self centred, but she’s taking things to a whole new level now.
It’s hurtful, but I don’t want to let her see how she’s upsetting me.
Thank you for your support, I’m here for you too.
Take care .
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So, on Sunday I left the family home for the last time.
My toxic sisters had stripped the place, taken what they wanted and I was left with the rest.
My eldest sister spent most of last week sending me nasty messages, telling me how awful I am.
I don’t know where her hatred comes from.
Her and my younger sister were no where to be seen for 10 years , when our parents needed help.
They turned up for the last year of our parents lives, took over and my eldest sister , I believe, coercively controlled our mother.
The toxic sisters are now re writing history to suit themselves and to salve their consciences.
I have no option but to cut to ties.
It’s not what my parents would want, but it’s the only way to keep the peace.
I spoke with my Dad’s brother, about it all. He agrees it’s sad, but if keeping the peace means cutting ties, it’s what I have to do.
It feels like another layer of grief, which is daft because my sisters and I were never close.
Hi Annie.
I am so sorry and I send you all my support. They are cruel people, with no conscience. Sadly, they don’t care either.
I know all you are going through is coming my way this year too. I am dreading it all. I don’t want them to have anything to do with my mum’s belongings.
My heart breaks for you having to leave your mum’s house. People say love is not in bricks and mortar, but so many memories are.
I miss my mum so much and you are right about the extra layers of grief, but I think all the nastiness makes it harder to grieve for our loved ones as there is anger and disappointment to get through, which should not be there.
If ever you want to private message me, or message me on here, I will always have your back.
It’s comforting to know that someone else has a similar family and issues to mine. I wish we were like the Waltons but sadly that time passed with my sibling many years ago, if it ever was the case.
I hope it brings comfort to you too.
I won’t miss them, but I miss my mum every day.
Keep safe Annie. We are better than them. We just need to keep believing xx
Phoebe.
Hi Phoebe
Thank you for your kind message.
I have so many treasured memories from my parents house, my eldest and youngest sister can’t take those away, but it does add another layer of grief.
It is indeed a comfort to know I’m not alone in this, but I’m sorry you have all this to come.
I have your back too, take care and thanks again x