Hello
Has anyone experienced negativity and unpleasantness from siblings, following the death of parents?
I lost my parents within 4 months of each other. My sisters were appointed as executors and their behaviour towards my other sibling and myself has been appalling.
They have appointed themselves as caretakers of all sentimental and valuable items. They are making decisions and excluding the rest of us . Nothing was specified in my parents wills, only that all assets were to be spilt among us.
My older sister has become distant and āsuperiorā , sheās destroyed all financial statements etc that showed my parents banking etc .
Iām quite hurt as I was the one who did most of the caring for my parents, over the years.
My sisters only turned up during the last months of my parents lives.
Iām keeping a dignified silence as I donāt like conflict, however their behaviour really is awful.
I understood that executor meant they simply had to ensure the wishes of my parents were carried out . My eldest sister keeps saying āMum told me etc etcā. Iām not entirely sure sheās telling the truth but if I challenge her, she becalmed nasty.
Itās all compounding the grief and itās not what my parents would have wanted .
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Hi Annie.
Sadly my situation is the same, I lost my mum in August 24. I have one brother who is a bully. We are joint executors but he doesnt want me to do anything and tries to intimidate me all the time.
It is making it hard to grieve for mum, I was her main carer and he did little, (he was too busy with his own family), because of the fear I have of him.
My mum was clear about what she wanted to happen with everything and told us both, however he and his wife deny it.
I am on my own trying to get through it and its so hard. My mum protected me from him, and until she passed away I didnāt realise how much.
Another lady, on here, told me that one day this will be over and our rainbow 
will come. I am looking forward to that day and putting one foot in front of the other to get there.
What ever they choose to do, they manage to justify in their heads as being acceptable.
We know that we gave our mumās the care and love whilst they were alive and needed it and we have the happy times to remember. Iād sooner have those.
Being on here has helped me because people donāt judge, we help each other stumble along.
Sending you a hug Annie.
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Thank you Phoebe8
Iām sorry youāre going through the same but grateful for your support and understanding.
Youāre right, we have our memories and the knowledge that we did all we could for our loved ones.
A friend told me my sisters were acting out of guilt, convincing themselves of their own importance.
Itās not that I want anything , I just find it hard to deal with the consequences of their actions.
I send you a hug back .
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Hi Annie.
I think your friend may be right. If they take control it saves them have to think about what they didnāt do when our loved ones were alive.
The desire for power and control causes such misery for others and they donāt care at all.
Heartbreak in grief isnāt about power and never will be.
We loved our parents 
Hi Phoebe8
Yes, we loved our parents.
The day will come when my sisters have to deal with their own behaviour. I canāt see me having much to do with them once all this is settled.
My parents wanted the family to stay together, but I think theyād be horrified at the current situation.
Itās all just so sad.
Hi Annie.
Sadly I think that our relatives donāt have a conscience about what they have done. They have justified to themselves it was ok to do what they did and beyond that they donāt care.
Itās hard not to let them have space in our heads but every day brings anger and disappointment.
I absolutely donāt want anything to do with them afterwards, (and havenāt done for years before) but to get to that safe space I have lost my mum, my protector, and my world.
Sadly with my brother and his family, they are vile. They are never going to be any different because in their minds they are victims, and people should feel sorry for them. They are happy that way and it wonāt change.
We need to take care of ourselves. We have truly done our best for our mumās and our mumās knew it and thatās the important thing 
.
Sending hugs your way. Iām here for you and me.
Phoebe
Hi Phoebe
You are right, our siblings donāt think they have done anything wrongs
My eldest sister has all my mumās personal effects and she wonāt agree a time for us to go through them.
My brother and I donāt trust her but we are powerless to do anything as mum didnāt specify what was to happen with her things in her will. She just said all money was to be split between us .
My eldest sister has always been nasty and self centred, but sheās taking things to a whole new level now.
Itās hurtful, but I donāt want to let her see how sheās upsetting me.
Thank you for your support, Iām here for you too.
Take care .
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So, on Sunday I left the family home for the last time.
My toxic sisters had stripped the place, taken what they wanted and I was left with the rest.
My eldest sister spent most of last week sending me nasty messages, telling me how awful I am.
I donāt know where her hatred comes from.
Her and my younger sister were no where to be seen for 10 years , when our parents needed help.
They turned up for the last year of our parents lives, took over and my eldest sister , I believe, coercively controlled our mother.
The toxic sisters are now re writing history to suit themselves and to salve their consciences.
I have no option but to cut to ties.
Itās not what my parents would want, but itās the only way to keep the peace.
I spoke with my Dadās brother, about it all. He agrees itās sad, but if keeping the peace means cutting ties, itās what I have to do.
It feels like another layer of grief, which is daft because my sisters and I were never close.
Hi Annie.
I am so sorry and I send you all my support. They are cruel people, with no conscience. Sadly, they donāt care either.
I know all you are going through is coming my way this year too. I am dreading it all. I donāt want them to have anything to do with my mumās belongings.
My heart breaks for you having to leave your mumās house. People say love is not in bricks and mortar, but so many memories are.
I miss my mum so much and you are right about the extra layers of grief, but I think all the nastiness makes it harder to grieve for our loved ones as there is anger and disappointment to get through, which should not be there.
If ever you want to private message me, or message me on here, I will always have your back.
Itās comforting to know that someone else has a similar family and issues to mine. I wish we were like the Waltons but sadly that time passed with my sibling many years ago, if it ever was the case.
I hope it brings comfort to you too.
I wonāt miss them, but I miss my mum every day.
Keep safe Annie. We are better than them. We just need to keep believing xx
Phoebe.
Hi Phoebe
Thank you for your kind message.
I have so many treasured memories from my parents house, my eldest and youngest sister canāt take those away, but it does add another layer of grief.
It is indeed a comfort to know Iām not alone in this, but Iām sorry you have all this to come.
I have your back too, take care and thanks again x
Hi Annie,
Another day of controlling behaviour from them. They cannot leave me alone for any length of time.
There are many more months of this to go through and I am struggling with it.
I hope things are moving forward for you, I really do.
I pray that sometime soon it will be for me.
Mothers day is going to be so hard this month, the first oneā¦
Take care Annie xx
Hello Annie
I know how you feel, my younger brother has been awful for the last 6 years, he got upset when me and my dad brought a house together. Always nasty comments and texts to me and my dad. Last year he moved to Australia, he didnāt even come back for the funeral. Didnāt have the money for a flight but can afford 20 grand car 
.
I cared for my dad as his wasnāt as healthy as he was. He has now taken it upon him self to dictate how his belongings are sorted out. My husband is the executor of his will and he is still making remarks that are not true but fit his criteria and rewriting history. He disowned my older brother for about 10 years before. I supported my older brother through his difficulties, and now it seems they have now got chummy again and making my life difficult, Iām trying to grieve as I had to sort out my dadās funeral and get the funds sorted too. I just want to run away and hide. My husband just says donāt let them bother you, but I find it really difficult as I donāt want to be made out Iām the person h makes me out to be. It also hard as they are my last connection with my childhood etc.
Iām at such a loss at losing my dad he was my world, my mum passed 20 years ago and we supported each other, but now thereās a big space in my heart. Which is so broken. No one seems to understand either.
Sorry for rambling
Dear Belle
Itās a dreadful time when you have lost your loved one and all the trouble kicks in with siblings, who were never interested enough to give any help when it was needed.
They re write history because it makes them look better.
It is mean and hurtful and they honestly donāt care, so long as they have control.
Keep reminding yourself of all the good you did and the memories you have. They can never take that away, no matter how much they want to. Itās Jealousy for what they havenāt had.
It is upsetting and it is difficult to get through it, but keep going steadily and time will bring the rainbows out.
We are here, and donāt worry about rambling, you arenāt at all, it is good to be able to talk and relate to people in similar situations.
Take care and keep safe.
Phoebe.
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Thanks Phoebe,
You are so kind, it looks like you are having trouble with your siblings to. I just donāt understand why, do they not feel the loss. I donāt think they do if Iām honest.
It feels like double grief as losing my dad and my childhood family in one go. Iām also going to have to sell my home so I can release money for them.
I believe my youngest brother is a narcissist, everything is fine if it works in his favour. I donāt think I can talk about anything with my older brother as Iām worried he will tell my younger brother.
My husband feels I should get thicker skin but Iām not in the right place at the moment.
Hello Phoebe
Iām so sorry things are like this for you .
Iām in the same position.
I no longer initiate contact with my siblings, but until the estate etc is stalled I have to keep their contact details
They are making decisions without involving the rest of us. My elder sister is so nasty and controlling.
You are right about Motherās Day, Iām reading it.
I find all the adverts so hard.
Then it will be Fatherās Day.
Too much.
Keep posting on here, I hope things improve for you soon x
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Hi Belle
Youāre not rambling, youāre sharing an awful experience.
Iām so sorry to read whatās been happening.
It seems we never really know our siblings .
You know you always did your best for your dad, and I hope that brings you some comfort.
Iāve decided to leave my siblings to their own issues, to let them live with their consciences.
If possible, Iād try and ignore your brother .
Keep posting and I wish you peace.
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Hi Annie
How are you doing ?. I hope things are safe for you.
Phoebe x
Hi Belle
How are you doing tooā¦ I hope things are getting better.
Phoebe x
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Hi Phoebe
I have been doing better good days and bad ups and downs.
I have had to block contact with my brother he became quite nasty, and abusive towards me.
I have started to sort through my dadās stuff which is difficult trying to figure out who gets what, doing lists so they can choose what they want. Itās also been a surprisingly happy time seeing stuff my parents kept over the years. Asking questions about objects and stuff with his sisters.
How are you doing?
Michelle
Hi Michelle
The same really.
Isnāt it lovely looking through the memories.and knowing what made them happy enough to keep.
I had to block my brother a while ago. He is so angry at everything.
Itās the only way to get some peace as it envelopes everything else.
I miss my mum and there have been a few āfirstsā recently. Each one brings another page of heartbreak in the sad book of grief.
I started a crafting course a couple of weeks ago. Itās 2 hrs of sanctuary from everything and it is surprising how many people go for the same reason. Itās a happy place and a breath of fresh air. Do you have ādistractionsā to help you ?
Sending you a hug 
.
Phoebe x
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