Today. I have crashed, I have a very rare inherited blood disorder called porphyria ( thank you, Mum ). The only way of controlling it is for me to have a venesection. I have to have one pint of blood removed every so often because my iron levels reach danger point. I had a venesection, on Friday the 13th of December, since then I have gone steadily downhill I feel so ill in the mornings.
I have written to my daughter and son and told them how much I miss their dad and it is making me feel very ill, both of them have been so good to me, since my Stan died. I have pretended that I felt better than I feel. I have only been out four times since I started living on my own, I am allergic to light/solar light. I also have an injured spine which affects my mobility.
Please will you be honest with me and tell me if you thought I was wrong.?
love, MaryL
Wrong about what Mary I can’t see you have done anything wrong in what you have written. Wrong about pretending we are going ok? We all do that. Wrong about asking for help and saying you are not doing well? Again that is what you should do and isn’t it a child job when they are older to help their mum when needed as we look after them when they ask. With all the posts I read from you, you show so much compassion you deserve some in return too. Love Rosie.
Thank you dear Rosie, I am really touched by your reply. My friend rang me whilst I was wallowing, it was a long conversation, she is in the same boat as many of us are . She did me the world of good, I feel much better now.
Love,
MaryL x x
It sounds like you’ve been very strong but your health and the grief has now really hit you. Of course, letting family know was a good thing. I hope you feel better soon and that you get some support. x
Mary my love I am in awe of you. You have health problems and just lost Stan yet your posts are full of compassion for others and most helpful. I’m also not sure what you think was wrong. You have bravely struggled on in your grief and I do hope your children will offer that helping hand and support. This grief things makes us all feel so unwell and overwhelmed at times but you have added problems. If I crash then I can go out for a walk, or a bus ride into town or even drive the car somewhere. I can go to my allotment and work the pain and frustration out of my system, you, and there are others like you are trapped with your own thoughts with no escape. Now I am feeling ashamed of myself as this morning I sort of crashed and was struggling. I couldn’t go out for a long walk with my dogs as it was pouring, I couldn’t work on my allotment and I felt incredibly sorry for myself, then my family rang me to see if I wanted to go out with them. It made all the difference to my day being with the children.
You are a brave and incredible lady and deserve as much help as possible, so no, whatever it was that you thought you had done wrong then I can certainly say, No, you have done nothing wrong.
I hope you feel better now and you know there is always someone on the forum who will be in touch.
Love and blessings to you
Pat xxxx
Mary. No, you must not blame yourself for anything you do while in this state. Right or wrong are judgments and that’s something no one should ever do. We are not in your shoes and can have no idea of the intensity of your pain. Being in grief and suffering physically must be pretty awful.
Rosie is right, you do deserve love and compassion and that I send you. We all do. The people on here are the most caring I have ever come across. I have been helped so much as I’m sure you have.
Blessings and take care of yourself. There is only one of you, and that one is very valuable. Blessings.
Thank you, Jonathan for your encouraging email, I really do appreciate it. I have had responses from our two children, they are not children now of course, being in their fifties. Stan was a devoted Dad and I know that they are suffering too, as I pointed out to our daughter last night. ( we had a ninety minute chat on her mobile) she has a full life, working, looking after their grandson, cooking and cleaning as does our son.
Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your insight.
MaryL
Mary you are not wrong we all put on this mask of doing ok big smile when underneath we are screaming I hope you feel a lot better now and the kids come and help you through this time