Waste of a life

I’m struggling here. I very recently lost my ex partner we were still close and had only split due to his alcohol. Feel like I’m in no man’s land to be honest. Would he still be here if I’d stayed? Do I deserve to grieve? Was it my fault? His parents are treating me as a daughter but I’m struggling with that because I don’t feel it’s my place. Can anybody relate or advise? Posting somewhere like this is so far out of my comfort zone but honestly I’m lost. Thanks for reading.

Hello Bandw. I too had never imagined I could go on something like this and ‘talk’ to strangers but I can promise that if you stay here regularly you will find that members are a great comfort and you will make understanding ‘friends’ who never judge and try to help.
From my own experience I have found that I too blame myself for just about everything. I spent years worrying about my husband, doing everything I could to keep him alive and well but when I lost him I felt as if I had failed him. I too ask was it my fault. Was there something I failed to do. Did I become impatient with him when he became demanding at the end. Your very lucky his parents are being supportive and let them look after you as it is probably giving them some comfort to care for you, they must love you very much. My husbands daughters totally turned their backs on me, as well as their father in his final year. Relatives he was close to have also ignored me, although we all got on well in thirty years of marriage. Yet I feel that I am to blame for their attitude. I don’t know how. I have written them all friendly letters and made phone calls but never a reply.
Losing someone that we care deeply about makes us so vulnerable, we are lost and feel that we are of no use to anybody through our grief. You have every right to grieve if that is how you feel. You cannot stop your natural feelings. Good luck to you.

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