Lately I have been asking myself so many questions. We hear that time is the most precious thing, that we can’t regain any of it. My way currently of handling my grief, the loss of my daughter, is to do nothing most days. I spend a lot of time in bed, either sleeping or not. Can’t motivate myself to do much. I keep hearing people say I have to join the human race, motivate myself, but just not sure if I can at present. I keep asking myself if I am wasting time, wasting the hours/days that I have left. I would appreciate anyone else’s views on this. Am I wasting time, or grieving in the only way I can at the moment? I signed up for some voluntary work with Cancer Research UK, then when the day came I didn’t want to go. I gave up work a year ago to spend time with my daughter, and glad that I did. I know I probably need to get back to work and have applied for jobs, I have a Teams interview today at 4:30. If I get the job, it will be 3 days of 8 hrs, so 24 hrs, which will do me. I didn’t go back to work till 5 months after my husband passed 13 years ago, but I know we all different. Just not sure it is too soon for me, or just the medicine I need (work), only time will tell I guess. Still in my fleece dressing gown under the duvet with my little dog at the moment. Always feeling guilty that I should be doing something. Thanks for listening.
Hi Lydia, great that you applied for a job and have an interview. If you need the money and 24hrs a week will meet your needs, then GREAT, you are taking care of yourself. You also seem to be AWARE of your own mental health and awareness is the first step in getting help. Congratulations! You are functioning and taking care of yourself. You also came here which is awesome.
I cant even imagine what it must be like losing a daughter. That must be so painful. Im so glad you took the opportunity to care for her and create memories. I dont know you but im very proud of you for your choices! Ill pray that your interview goes well and if it doesnt, there are other jobs out there when you are ready. PM me any time and God bless.
@Lydia3
I hope your interview goes well.
You are definitely not wasting your time, you are dealing with your grief exactly how you want to,
I lost my mum in December, and I went back to work 3 weeks ago and I wished I hadn’t, I do t feel like its made me feel any better, I’m still as sad as the day it happened, I’m actually fed up with feeling fed up if that makes sense, I don’t want to do anything, go anywhere but I’m trying to make progress and it sounds like you are too.
Slow steps and remember that everyone grieves differently.
Xx
Thank you both for your supportive responses. I don’t think I will get the job, firstly because I don’t have phlebotomy experience, and secondly she asked if I was ready to go back to work in a contract. So she probably thinks I am not ready, but think it’s the phlebotomy thing that will let her down. It’s daft really because although I am a registered nurse, you don’t have to be to take blood, and it’s a simple course. They want someone experienced in it, and I am not. I am not discouraged though, there will be other jobs. It did make me think though, that perhaps I am not ready. The grief is still so raw (October) and think I may need some more time. I will see how it goes. Financially, although it helps, I don’t really need to work, I have my state pension (for what that’s worth) and some savings (which they now want to tax the tiny bit of interest), but I know I can manage. Thank you for saying you are proud of me for having a go, means a lot, and thank you (the other lady) for saying it’s not wasting time. I will take as long as I need, do nothing if that’s what’s required, as and when I need to. I am just going from day to day. Thanks again.
Good for you in determining your time frame for grief recovery! Hey, im an RN, too! Hugs to you!!
It’s 18months since I lost my daughter and I’m not working, I do nothing all day every day but doing nothing is all I can do.
I don’t feel guilty and I know people will say I should do this or try that but to those people I say try walking in my shoes.
This is my grief, my loss, she was my child, my life, I still love her and she is still gone.
MoBe, that is exactly how I feel. I will manage it in whatever way I can, and if anybody doesn’t like my doing nothing, they can do one. As you say, try living this life, this loss, and maybe they would do the same. It is hard enough to wake each morning, facing the same black hole, the same anxiety tremors in the stomach, the same pain, without worrying about whether you should be busying yourself. I am going to stop feeling guilty, I live and breathe, that’s all I can do for now.
Hey Miss, there’s a coincidence. Yes am still registered, and revalidating this year. Haven’t done ward work though, for the last few years have worked in OH and vaccinations. Wasn’t even sure whether to bother keeping up my registration, but I worked hard to get it so not letting it go easily.
Lydia, good that youre keeping it i think. Its good money and you might need it down the road. Ok, another day…here we go! One foot in front of the other! I put up a bird feeder and i love watching them. Sometimes its the little things.
@Lydia3 I think doing what you can when you can is the best we can hope for.
No one has outwardly told me to move on or to do more but their actions say otherwise. I don’t have the ‘how are you’ messages anymore or the invites (all declined but you’d think they’d understand), no one comes to my home now. I feel totally alone but the alternative is listening to other people’s lives and the insensitive comments. My brother actually told me I was lucky to not see anyone at Christmas, inferring his life was so busy with family and friends, again no invite extended to me.
So I sit at home, going nowhere, doing nothing and as you say the world can do one. I think this is my life now, I feel like a failure and judged by the world because I lost my child, others don’t want to be contaminated by me or my grief.