Lately I have been asking myself so many questions. We hear that time is the most precious thing, that we can’t regain any of it. My way currently of handling my grief, the loss of my daughter, is to do nothing most days. I spend a lot of time in bed, either sleeping or not. Can’t motivate myself to do much. I keep hearing people say I have to join the human race, motivate myself, but just not sure if I can at present. I keep asking myself if I am wasting time, wasting the hours/days that I have left. I would appreciate anyone else’s views on this. Am I wasting time, or grieving in the only way I can at the moment? I signed up for some voluntary work with Cancer Research UK, then when the day came I didn’t want to go. I gave up work a year ago to spend time with my daughter, and glad that I did. I know I probably need to get back to work and have applied for jobs, I have a Teams interview today at 4:30. If I get the job, it will be 3 days of 8 hrs, so 24 hrs, which will do me. I didn’t go back to work till 5 months after my husband passed 13 years ago, but I know we all different. Just not sure it is too soon for me, or just the medicine I need (work), only time will tell I guess. Still in my fleece dressing gown under the duvet with my little dog at the moment. Always feeling guilty that I should be doing something. Thanks for listening.
Hi Lydia, great that you applied for a job and have an interview. If you need the money and 24hrs a week will meet your needs, then GREAT, you are taking care of yourself. You also seem to be AWARE of your own mental health and awareness is the first step in getting help. Congratulations! You are functioning and taking care of yourself. You also came here which is awesome.
I cant even imagine what it must be like losing a daughter. That must be so painful. Im so glad you took the opportunity to care for her and create memories. I dont know you but im very proud of you for your choices! Ill pray that your interview goes well and if it doesnt, there are other jobs out there when you are ready. PM me any time and God bless.
@Lydia3
I hope your interview goes well.
You are definitely not wasting your time, you are dealing with your grief exactly how you want to,
I lost my mum in December, and I went back to work 3 weeks ago and I wished I hadn’t, I do t feel like its made me feel any better, I’m still as sad as the day it happened, I’m actually fed up with feeling fed up if that makes sense, I don’t want to do anything, go anywhere but I’m trying to make progress and it sounds like you are too.
Slow steps and remember that everyone grieves differently.
Xx
Thank you both for your supportive responses. I don’t think I will get the job, firstly because I don’t have phlebotomy experience, and secondly she asked if I was ready to go back to work in a contract. So she probably thinks I am not ready, but think it’s the phlebotomy thing that will let her down. It’s daft really because although I am a registered nurse, you don’t have to be to take blood, and it’s a simple course. They want someone experienced in it, and I am not. I am not discouraged though, there will be other jobs. It did make me think though, that perhaps I am not ready. The grief is still so raw (October) and think I may need some more time. I will see how it goes. Financially, although it helps, I don’t really need to work, I have my state pension (for what that’s worth) and some savings (which they now want to tax the tiny bit of interest), but I know I can manage. Thank you for saying you are proud of me for having a go, means a lot, and thank you (the other lady) for saying it’s not wasting time. I will take as long as I need, do nothing if that’s what’s required, as and when I need to. I am just going from day to day. Thanks again.
Good for you in determining your time frame for grief recovery! Hey, im an RN, too! Hugs to you!!
It’s 18months since I lost my daughter and I’m not working, I do nothing all day every day but doing nothing is all I can do.
I don’t feel guilty and I know people will say I should do this or try that but to those people I say try walking in my shoes.
This is my grief, my loss, she was my child, my life, I still love her and she is still gone.
MoBe, that is exactly how I feel. I will manage it in whatever way I can, and if anybody doesn’t like my doing nothing, they can do one. As you say, try living this life, this loss, and maybe they would do the same. It is hard enough to wake each morning, facing the same black hole, the same anxiety tremors in the stomach, the same pain, without worrying about whether you should be busying yourself. I am going to stop feeling guilty, I live and breathe, that’s all I can do for now.
Hey Miss, there’s a coincidence. Yes am still registered, and revalidating this year. Haven’t done ward work though, for the last few years have worked in OH and vaccinations. Wasn’t even sure whether to bother keeping up my registration, but I worked hard to get it so not letting it go easily.
Lydia, good that youre keeping it i think. Its good money and you might need it down the road. Ok, another day…here we go! One foot in front of the other! I put up a bird feeder and i love watching them. Sometimes its the little things.
@Lydia3 I think doing what you can when you can is the best we can hope for.
No one has outwardly told me to move on or to do more but their actions say otherwise. I don’t have the ‘how are you’ messages anymore or the invites (all declined but you’d think they’d understand), no one comes to my home now. I feel totally alone but the alternative is listening to other people’s lives and the insensitive comments. My brother actually told me I was lucky to not see anyone at Christmas, inferring his life was so busy with family and friends, again no invite extended to me.
So I sit at home, going nowhere, doing nothing and as you say the world can do one. I think this is my life now, I feel like a failure and judged by the world because I lost my child, others don’t want to be contaminated by me or my grief.
Hi, its so comforting to read what i actually feel every day, and im not going mad, it feels like your in a glass dome, detached, being judged, our lives been dealt such a shit hand, why? What did we do? Sorry rant over, im so glad to have found this site, so many people in the same situation, even though in the real world you feel like your the only one. Take care xx msg me anytime xx
I don’t know what I would do without this site. I mostly read what others have posted, I want to know how they are feeling, if their loss is as painful and their lives as desolate as mine. I hate to admit it but I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone in my grief. That others feel as lost and abandoned as I do. I wouldn’t wish this grief on anyone but I am grateful there are others out there.
I am so lonely but I cannot bear to be in the company of other people, I cannot stand their normal lives, their happiness, their family. I am consumed with anger and jealousy, why did it have to be my child?
But I never say anything or do anything because grief has taken all my emotion, all my energy and I am just too tired. Tired of life and tired of living. But too tired to do anything about it!!
Hi Mobe
Im sorry you feel like this, i get it, i only had 1 child, she,s gone now, so my life has taken a different path, people take life,s process for granted, marraige children, own house, grand children, and its not the case for some of us, the loss and adjustment in life is so difficult to navigate, you feel you want to scream " leave me the F**k alone" its exhausting and lonely. No one wants to talk about a dead person, so we suffer our pain, asking why?.. has this happened to me.
I have felt comfort in this site, knowing im not alone, also, getting outside nature makes me feel " i fit in here, no pressure, your doing ok" i also run a bit with music it helps a lot. Sorry this is long but, some days are better than others, its ok, its your process. Hugs to you xx
Losing your family would make anyone fold up.
Society is cruel. Ignore it. All those bloody Calvinists making people feel guilty for living.
Work might help just distract you from grief and that can be helpful. I am so sorry. Cuddle yourself for as long as you need.
But then when you are a little better, live a touch more day by day.
It is true, one day we too go.
I also feel the same way . I lost my daughter a month ago the most devastating experience. I can’t function just wander around the house can’t face friends don’t want to go anywhere or do anything.
Bonniemay
Bless you, im thinking of you, sending you big hug, Your not alone, even though you feel like it, its tough, i know, trying to make sense of it all, take care xx
Thank you sending a hug back .
Your welcome xx