watched her die

my beautiful sister died on the 22nd of august, after been told she was terminal 14 days before, on my birthday, she was only 54 and she had been fighting cancer for 14years, i moved in with her straight away, and it was torture from day 1, every second of every day, i keep reliving that final hour, and it always comes on at the exact time it happened, i sleep in her pjs, i have her pillow, and the top that she died in that i cuddle every night, i smell her constantly, but i know thats just her items i have close to me, i feel in such pain right now, she was the hub of our family and my best friend, i really cannot comprehend my life without her, i just see her in my mind 24hours a day, i want her back, and i beg her to send me a sign, i need to have her with me, this is so awful

Jill1964 I am so sorry for your loss. The pain I know is unbearable. I lost my 22year old son suddenly on 21st June. It’s so unfair & doesn’t make any sense. My heart aches for my other son who was his best friend, they were inseparable. Sending love and strength to you x

oh my rach25, there are no words for your pain!! losing a child has got to be the most horrendous thing to bear, and i could not imagine it, my heart really does feel for you, i am so so sorry for your loss, and your other son, who must be in terrible pain, as you are, sending my prayers to all your family x

Jill1964 thank you for your kind supportive words, I appreciate it.
Love & strength to you and your family x

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Hello Jill, I am so sorry for your pain. Your loss is so fresh and you must still be in shock & disbelief. Having read your post, the words could have been my own. My beloved younger Sister was taken about 2 years on now. She was the light of our family. She too had cancer, but we were told there was hope for survival. She did well for a year after diagnosis, but then one tragic night she suddenly fell ill, and died in front of me, within hours of getting to the hospital (for what we thought was just for IV fluids) This was two days before her birthday. I still re-live that final horrific hour. Like you, I cannot fathom a life without my Sister, my best friend and soul-mate. I also have her scent on items I kept . Losing a sibling is losing a part of ourselves. our past, present, and the future we will no longer have with our sisters. I want my sister back, and I think I am still in denial that she is truly gone from my life. She does visit me in my dreams, and I can feel her and even smell her hair. It is bittersweet however, because I feel that I had her back for a moment, only to lose her again. Not to worry, You will get signs, but right now you are clouded by your extreme level of grief. I am sorry I cannot be more help, because I am still struggling to find my way myself. I just wanted you to know there is someone out there who understands, and you are not alone. I relate to your anguish, and wish you hope, peace and strength as you navigate this most difficult journey. Please post again . Here to listen any time,
Xxx Another Sad Sister :broken_heart:

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So sorry Rach, You and your son have suffered a devastating loss. My heart goes out to you both.
Xxxx

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i have private messaged you sister 2!! your words were profound to me, and i so thank you for that, a heartbroken sister too x

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Hello jill, i am sorry for your loss. My younger sister died 4years back. She was 14. She had normal fever for 3days and died on 4th day. All my family members are doctors but still we couldn’t save her. It was sudden. One minute she was alive speaking with me and next minute she wasn’t. I know how horrible it must be for you to relive the moments in hospital hopping some miracle could happen and she would wakeup. From my experience it doesn’t get easier but it gets manageable. There would come a time where you think about her and it would hurt less. Untill then stay strong. You aren’t alone in this we are here for you as fellow sisters.

Hi @Sister2, i too get dreams about my death sister like you said it’s bittersweet. Wakingup and knowing that it’s just a dream hurts me more. It’s been 4 years but still i couldn’t believe she isnt with me. It’s like yesterday, speaking about future together, buying dress and all things together. We were teens doing teen stuff together. She was more than a sister to me, she was my baby, a parent, a best friend and partner in all activities. She was the only person in the world who trusted me and stood with me during hard times. Losing her is like i lost everything. It should be really hard for you to handle this pain. But i hope and wish you do better and find some peace and happiness.

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Hi Stars, Thank you for your post. Three years for me since I too lost my best friend & soul mate, my precious younger Sister. My Sister also was the only one who truly knew me and loved me. No amount of time can change what happened, We are forced to “go on” although we will be for ever changed. I try to think of the fun, the laughter, and all of the wonderful times we had together, but it is bittersweet. I am not sure happiness can exist without her in my life, She was my happiness. But I shall keep trying to find moments of peace. I hope you can do the same. Xxx

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