Has anyone ever felt they were watching from the outside in…looking at family members, how they were reacting, processing, grieving even?
I lost my dad at the end of April this year. If I could have a £1 for evey time time someone says ‘we all grief in different ways’ I’d be rolling in it!
My family have completed ostracised me since dads passing. I mainly have the forum as an outlet.
I have never seen my mum happier than after loosing dad. They had a dysfunctional marriage, loyal but mum put so much pressure of dad. Frankly in my option that contributed to my dad’s sudden death. Dad and I often said he would be worth more dead than alive to mum from the way she acts etc…I have never heard so much laughter since his passed.
All my family members lashed out at me, all are furious and don’t speak to me anymore. Unsure if it’s because I was with my dad when he died but that’s not my fault. Infact as normal human would have compassion, empathy but as these are normal people. My siblings both toxic (sister lives at home and you can read about her antics in my older post, brother not at home but has accused me of killing dad) …exception of mum who talks to me 10% acts the narcissist, manipulative, pretends to cry, claims to ‘think how dad’s sudden passing is affecting me’ but there are no actions to show anything. She usually with her daughter laughing, eating, midnight snacks, planning things together- theater trips etc and excluding me from it all.
I’m not at a stage where I can giggle and laugh all the time…I resent that they can, it’s almost a betrayal.I hate the way they lash out at me…the emotional abuse and bullying is tiresome and takes away from my grief.
I can voice how I feel to mum but she really isn’t interested…I’m alright jack, selfish and focused on her on survival and who/what is worth more to her- they are value added. I’m her daughter so I don’t matter. My sister (toxic) is worth more and so is my brother…yet neither have been here to help when it counts.
I’m tired of the backlash at me and wanted a place to vent or support.