My genuine, kind loving husband had cancer and came home for end of life care, he lasted eight days and it was heartbreaking to watch what he went through. I wanted so much to ease his pain, I felt helpless but was very grateful that his passing was peaceful. I have spent the four weeks since he passed on adrenaline, sorting out his estate and having to deal with hostility and animosity from his children because we were older when we met and only married for six years. I moved into my son’s house two days ago for a while to take a step back and just be myself and today I had a meltdown, I cried so much, I was finally able to grieve for my wonderful husband 
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So sorry for your loss. I too watched my beloved wife fading away in front of my eyes, but i cared for my wife at home for almost two years. It was the worst experience of my life.
Today, October 20th would have been our Ruby Wedding and its now 40 weeks since i lost her. Because of the storm i could not spend the day with my sons as the local ferry service was off all day.
Instead i spent the day alone with my spaniel.
Before i got up, i posted a loving tribute to Susan all about our beautiful wedding day way back in 1984.
We both knew our journey together was going to end and despite Susan being bedbound and in pain we were able to laugh right up until the end.
We had always faced our problems head-on and it was hard for me to accept that i couldnt make her better.
I try not to dwell on the last couple of years and her last day. A couple of days before, she told me i was a good man , that she loved and was proud of me , how lucky she was and thanked me for loving her. I realise now this was her saying goodbye.
We all have our stories and although they differ, the intencity of emotions is the same.
You and i were lucky to have met our great loves.
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All our stories about our loss and lives. Seem to have the same theme. Our deep and lasting love for our lost ones. We are left behind with our grief and sadness. I never knew the pain of loss could cut so deeply. I just exist without him.
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My husband passed away on June 26th this year after almost 10 years of marriage. I knew it would be difficult, but had no idea how devastating it is. I feel like my life went with him on that day. At the moment, far from getting easier as people keep telling me, it’s getting worse. I miss him more and more every day. I can’t find any point to anything.
I suppose I shouldn’t say this but I’m just looking forward to the day I can join him. That’s all I really want.
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All the responses to your post Plantman explain exactly how I’m feeling……
I found your post very touching……and I expect your wife would be very proud of you and moved by it too.
Sending love and strength to everyone here today……x
Lisa
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I know exactly how you feel. X
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Going on from my original post, five weeks now, I have not only lost my wonderful husband but I have lost my home as well.
I talk to him from morning until night which comforts me but having to rebuild my life again in my mid sixties because his daughter didn’t want me in her house anymore is daunting
For five years I cared for my husband ( her dad ) through a stroke, major operations for lung cancer and kidney cancer, sepsis twice and end of life care but that meant nothing to her in the end, it was her house and she didn’t want me there. Life is very cruel, I would feel comforted just to be able to grieve for the man that I loved
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Im so sorry for everything that you have been through. You dont deserve it. Your husband’s daughter has behaved appallingly. Grief brings out the worst in some people and her own dad would be sickened by his daughters attitude.
Please recognise that you are an exceptionally good and selfless person. You did your husband proud and he knew it.
You will get through this as you have an inner strength.
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derbyhall, your husband’s illness and death are painful but were not of anyone’s choosing.
The step-daughter, however, is inflicting pain intentionally and without any regard for what you are going through. Why the rush? It is truly appalling and I am so very sorry.
I hope you find a new nest that is perfect for you, where you can grieve and heal in peace.
Much love.
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I know exactly how you feel
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I too watched my husband slip away, the pain is so intense, totally hard to put into words. It’s been 7 months but seems like yesterday. I get waves of total grief still, but the gaps are slightly better, I go and sit with Alan’s ashes tell him all my news, and I cry loads too. He was my hero and did everything for me, bills home maintenance etc, so I was thrown in at the deep end doing all the changes, but I did it, and I’m sure Alan is proud of me. Try and think of the good times, it’s hard at first as you miss your partner, but it will ease with time. I’m not looking forward to Christmas, our grandson told me that I won’t be alone, he will look after me as grandad isn’t here, he is 10 and amazing. He held my hand and walked behind his granddad’s coffin, he misses him so much. Chats about him all the time. You will find your own way of coping, mine is to talk about Alan and what we have done together. Take care
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