It has now been sixteen months and though getting on with things, keeping busy, often, when alone, find myself hugging my husband’s photograph, talking to him and sobbing.
In fact the pain and grief now is worse than at the begining!
Perhaps, as heard it said, the second year is worse than the first?
I don’t know.
The lock down obviously hasn’t helped.
Will give myself a good talking to (seem to talk to myself a great deal)
and if, when, it feels as though I am in a downward spiral must be practical.
Get out the chain saw and be positive in finding constructive things that need doing.
Tire myself out maybe so I am too exhausted with physical work to do anything other than sleep.
Sink or swim!
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Hi, it does seem as time goes on the pain of it all gets worse. It’s been six months for me and I miss him so much, the initial shock, shaking and screaming has subsided, but the fear, pain and feeling so lost without him is still as strong. As each day passes it’s further away from him. And feeling so alone. I can understand you feeling like you do after sixteen months, I think we’re going to feel like this forever, this is our life now and so many heartbreaking posts on here, it’s just all so sad.
As you say we tire ourselves out to sheer exhaustion keeping busy then still don’t sleep.
At least we’ve all got each other on here to air our feelings as no one else gets it .
Sending a hug x
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Thank you Stephtim.
Yes your right for some, not all, this is how it’s going to be, if not forever, for a very long time.
The posts on here are heartbreaking and the pain raw.
Hugs and comfort to you.
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Hello
I lost my younger son just over six months ago. His name is Henry and I miss him so much. I’ve worked out that whilst every day that passes takes me further from him, equally every day takes me closer to him too. We will be reunited one day. Until then I have to live here without him but I was so blessed to have had him for thirty years.
I hope you find some peace, the agony of loss is the worst pain. 
Warm wishes
Purple
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I agree. Most people say when time passes it gets easier mine is opposite. I am suffering more now x
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For some people things do get worse before things get better. I think what happens is that at the beginning there are so many competing emotions - shock, sadness, anger, stress - but after the funeral happens, and the admin work is all sorted out, emotions like shock and stress get reduced, and so now people have more time to think about the present and the future, and that’s why sadness can increase. As @stephtim says, the fear and feeling of being lost is now very strong, because you have more time to think about how you will have to spend the rest of your life without that person.
It is very sad that this happens, but I think if society talked more about how grief can get worse after a few months, people might cope better, because the expectation is that it gets better, and when it doesn’t, it just makes people feel even worse because they start thinking “Why am I not better? Will I ever get better?”, and because we’re expected to get better, people are unable to tell their friends and family that they’re worse. That’s why forums like this are so helpful where people can come and talk about their grief and not be judged about it.
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The sentiment of being one step closer to being reunited with your loved one resonated with me so much. My friend said to me a few weeks ago that “we are all just walking each other home”. How lovely that is, and true. X
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Yes I agree . Everyday we are closer to our loved ones . I have been given good advice that does help . ‘our loved one is in another room for now’. Xxx
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Ram Dass, American spiritual teacher, said “We’re all just walking each other home.”
It’s so sad. 
I just hope that when I get “home” the loved ones who’ve gone before me will be there.
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Or was it Jalaluddin Rumi…?
It was Ram Dass
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