I believe grief comes in waves and I was doing okay (ish) until a 50 foot one has come crashing down in me. My lovely wife of 25 years unexpectedly passed away in April and I decided to visit my father in law for the weekend. This is the first time i have visited since Sarah passed away and although I knew it would be difficult, it has put me right back to how I was feeling in the first few weeks. The memories of being in his house again but without Sarah are so upsetting, sleeping in the same bed we used to sleep in, watching TV without her. The thing is I feel close to her by being with her family but the pain is overwhelming and I have secretly being shedding many tears. It is also my wedding anniversary on Thursday, so another first. I don’t feel like living anymore without her, but I don’t want to die either.
So sorry to hear how painful it is for you. For me there are memories everywhere and we took so many photos it’s hard to avoid seeing them. But maybe, we have to do these things. It is a horrible time.
I’ve had similar thoughts when visiting my mum. N’s parents both passed away 6 and 8 years ago. My mum and N got on so well, they were friends and he was the son she missed, she was the mother he missed. They had a similar outlook and ridiculous sense of humour.
I’ve found it so difficult to visit and spend time with her, every moment with her reminds me of him…
Crazy!
It’s my birthday this week, on the same day N was admitted to hospital last year…so for me its the anniversary of the beginning of the end. No one seems to understand that and why this year I have no call for celebration.
I think you did the right thing by going to your father in laws, a similar thing happened to me and when I came back from a break at a family members home I felt worse when I got back which was a couple of weeks ago and my grief (which I thought was getting easier) has come back big time, i have cried so much this week and felt like things were pointless. I am missing my David more now than I did before the holiday. I think it is because it has highlighted that he will never ever share a holiday with me, it has sunk in.
We are in early days still I lost David mid May and yours was April, we will get better and live a normal life again 10000s do it so we can 
Hi I’m so sorry for your loss reading all your stories it happens to me all the time it’s 16 months on the 1st September that I lost my husband at first when I went away with family out with friends it hurt like mad as he should have been with me but as time has gone by it has got easier going places as it’s the company that helps and now I do enjoy it but for me it’s when I come home to a empty house and he’s not here I have a cry but not to the extent as I did I miss him terribly and it’s very lonely without him 
but when I look back at this time last year I honestly can’t believe how I’ve progressed I still cry for him most days and have still have not so good days I never thought hand on heart I’d ever get out that very dark tunnel but I have as the saying goes there is light at the end of the tunnel it’s just never-ending trying to reach it take care