We dont like change...

Losing a partner
1

I hope i am not digging a hole for myself when i state this but…we of the older generation dont like, or dont take kindly to change, well this was definetly me and Richard, we were from the older generation…and when one loses our hubby-wife-partner, change is inevitable to take place and we dont want our life to change from the comfortable and everyday life we once shared with our loved one on our day to day basis, so the loss of our loved one leaves a deep and long lasting hole, a void in our now lives…We- know i have to move on, move forward but it fills me with dread and such sadness that my Richard for the first time in 20 years of moving home both together, this time i will be having to do this alone, as and when it happens, without my Richard by my side, and this i am finding absolutely heartbreaking…more so as i keep reflecting on the day we first set up our so called " forever home…" some 20 years ago when we both had our health, were fitter and a tad younger, although we met in later life, Richard being 54, me being 48…and back then we set up home with our three dogs, oh what i would give to have this life back but not if it meant landing up in this same lonely and heartbreaking situation but oh how i would make every day count, i would not waste one single day knowing what i know now…all three dogs have now gone to the rainbowsbridge, my Richard has gone and i am the only one left, well with PP-MS my time too i am sure is limited…but hand on heart i was meant, or i always assumed, i would go before him…well seems our God has a different plan…

Jackie…

Jackie…

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Hi Jackie it is terrible how our direction in life changes when we lose our loved ones if my wife Jane had still been alive our life would have been the same as it as been for the 43 years of marriage,now I find it difficult to change the routine we had in that time the direction change to me as been so horrifyingly difficult from the fact we are alone and have to make decisions that would have been simple things to the two of us the words don’t worry we’ll sort it or we’ll get through this words my Jane used aren’t there now to put things right,I do not feel sorry for myself for the life I have now but without Jane I feel so alone not lonely.
Who knows what the next few years will bring for me how will life change ? Don’t think it will,don’t want it to just want my Jane back.
Kind regards MM69

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oh Jackie and mm69 how your words sum it all up, I used to say to my husband dontvworrybwe will sort it, when there is two of you everything is easier,my you can bounce ideas off each other, someone to discuss things with, make decisions with, even cry with. Now we have to do it on our own, I have family but I don’t want to burden them with things plus it is just not the same as sharing with that one person who gets you, I get on with things go out, even been away with the kids and grandkids, I laugh along with others but deep inside I am desperately unhappy after 46 years a life without him is really only half a life, and I know this isn’t going to change and I have to make the best of what is left but some days it just feels so unbearably hard take care Jan x

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