I have searched the internet to find forums to help me understand what to do, but it’s been so hard to find someone that has gone through my experience.
I lost my dad a month ago, before the loss, my partner and I had relationship issues.
For 2 years, I felt I wasn’t heard and even when I tried to speak, I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, so I stopped talking, stopped kept to myself.
Part of our issues was how late I would stay out, sometimes coming home at 5/6am, I later realised I did all this because I was unhappy at home.
Since my loss, I went out once and came home at 3am, my partner thought it would be a good time to bring up the past and try to offer me “healthy” solutions.
“Maybe you should stay home instead of going out”
To the outsider, it might sound like wise words, to me, it felt like my partner was projecting our relationship issues into grief support, which was annoying.
I shut down that conversation.
Last night, my partner brought up our past issues again, and I had to say “I’m sorry” for the millionth time for all the things I did in the past.
I had to put my grief to the side, something I’m still coming to terms with, something I’m not sure how to deal with.
To say “I’m sorry”
I felt like crap and hated it.
I’m hurting and my partner is hurting too, however, I don’t need this.
Not right now, and I need help