When my wife Debs died in late August, I went completely to pieces. This has improved, but I cry every day and have lapses - four days last week were spent being in the pit of despair. At other times, I write to Debs and talk to her photograph which I have by the lamp on the corner cabinet. I often cry when I’m talking or writing, but these feel like more positive times than going to bed and staying there as I do at my lowest times. Our wedding anniversary is approaching on 6th December, and I have thought of various ways of dealing with it, and whether to buy her a present. I have bought her one. The house is full of things associated with Debbie, paintings and drawings she did, her favourite ornaments, all sorts of things. One of her favourite things was a knitted doll called a ‘Topsy Turvey’ doll - when you turn it inside out, it becomes a different doll. This particular doll was won by Debbie in a charity shop raffle in the mid-1990s, and she was very fond of it. It still stands on the bookcase in the living room. It’s Cinderella, one doll in rags, the other in a ballroom gown, but Debs always called it ‘Caroline’ because it reminded her of a doll she had as a child. Her doll wears a blue dress, but I have found a doll which is the same, but in a mauve dress - one of Deb’s favourite colours. On our anniversary, I will place it on her dressing table in the bedroom. This is the room where she passed away, and I can no longer sleep in there, but I have kept it as a special ‘Debbie Space’ - filled with things she liked. I know she would love the new doll - and having one ‘Caroline’ in blue in the living room, and a mauve sister for it on her dressing table. I think ‘giving Debs’ the present will help me on the day. It is something for Debs. She will never really be in the past to me.
That is a very lovely and very thoughtfull gift. I hope your anniversary is full of beautiful memories
@Aubrey What a lovely idea.
We would have celebrated out 25 Wedding Anniversary, but he died just 2 weeks before we could on 8 Oct, and next week it’s his birthday too. Tough times ahead again.
You will of course get through it as you have done everything else so far since you lost her in Aug.
You last sentence speaks volumes, it’s true and a perfect way to approach losing someone so dear. You are doing just fine, and it’s also ok not to feel just fine.
All the best.
Wishing you love and strength. We’re all in the same boat, as the old saying goes, and we had no choice about boarding it. It’s a terrible place to be, but it is some comfort to share on this forum with others. Thanks so much for your message.
Dear @Aubrey
That is a beautiful thing you have done.
My husband died in August 2022 just one day before our wedding anniversary.
And I continue to buy him presents for his birthday , our anniversary and Christmas.
I still have his cards from his last birthday on earth so I always put them up.
And for Christmas, our wedding anniversary and valentine’s day we had this thing about using the same cards every year - so ofcourse I put them up.
Some, but not many , still remember . His step daughter sends me a birthday card for him and a father’s day card every year and an anniversary card to us.
And I still write Phil’s name on all the cards I send.
Love hugs and strength to you, and everyone reading
His birthday present this year… A print I got of Etsy … You could choose hair colours and styles. And dog breeds.
It’s so realistic… Loads of people thought it was an actual photo of us x
Dear @OnlyMe2
You are so right… It’s okay not to be fine, it’s okay to be sad.
My husband passed away on August 24 2022. Our wedding anniversary is on August 25th.
I call these days , ‘Phil’s Day’ and ‘Our Day’. But it is quite tough having them so close together.
His birthday is on the 8th October.
Love and hugs and strength to you
@Cathphil
I agree it really is tough having significant days so close together. I note your husbands birthday too, which is a massive date for me now in my life.
Isn’t life strange, as one enters this world, another leaves it.
The day Tuesday is now featuring big in my life.
It was a Tuesday he killed himself, his funeral was on a Tuesday, and it’s his birthday on Tuesday. I am fast becoming to dislike Tuesdays too!
That said, I suppose it’s natural for humans to try and find patterns in things.
Thanks again Cathphil
@Aubrey I understand completely how you feel my wife was 51 and died suddenly 3 years ago. We had to fit her funeral in just 3 days before our 15th wedding anniversary the only other day available was our actual WA which was never an option. Her things are exactly as they were left totally untouched and will remain so for as long as possible , i often write send messages to my wife on facebook messenger updates on things and just sometimes to say i miss her and i love her which i find gives me huge piece of mind . The bad days do not go away and its perfectly fine to have a tantrum day as i call it and stamp your feet and refuse to play the game of life for a day or 2 or 3 . Grief is the price you pay for loving and being loved but i personally feel like Tracey is only behind a door in the next room and just out of reach as opposed to gone and away in the unknown.Every journey is unique and personal these are just some things ive found along my journey
My husband died in July 2022 and his funeral unfortunately was on our wedding anniversary. I had no choice unless I had waited for several weeks due to other members of the close family with holiday arrangements so I had to go ahead with it. It was actually 4 years to the day since we had celebrated our Golden Wedding. ,Little did I think on that happy occasion that I would be attending his funeral 4 years later. somehow i got through it.
@traceyshubby
Can relate to this, my husband died 8 October, it was to be our 25th wedding anniversary on the 23 Oct, and then it was his birthday on the 26 Nov, so lots of key dates close together.