Of course my husband was 36 so am I … for the last few years after bad runs of luck losing his sister and his mum diagnosed terminal my husband starting binge drinking… it came from nowhere . He had a good job happy life soul mates I would say we were . Then after what I would call a normal drink maybe a meal out or football he would all of a sudden wake up the next morning and start drinking … it would be vodka straight for days and days on end … sometimes 2:3 bottles a day he would pass out end up in hospital. Then as soon as it started it would stop … and he would be devastated. The problem was he thought he could handle it …that he didn’t need help … the last 6 months it became more often almost once a month … I told him that his body would not keep taking it and that he was lucky he had not hit his head or worse … then the day after the last England match he started again for almost a week … I for the first time saw how desperate he was … he was hospitalised on the Friday I begged them to keep him in told them that he was going to kill him self with drink … unfortunately he was treated like any other drunk on a Friday night and they discharged him … the next day we found him collapsed in the garden an ambulance rushed out again his blood pressure was very high blood levels high … they took him in again I rang and spoke of my deep concerns I asked the hospital to section him for his own safety or at least keep him over night to re do his blood … they wouldn’t listen they let him go … the next morning my 5 year old son caught him climbing out of the window … obviously to seek more alcohol … 2 hours later I got the knock on the door by the police to say my husband had been rushed to hospital found on the pavement in cardiac arrest . I was too late when I got there … I do nt know how to feel how to act … my husband was a wonderful man but he was obviously very ill… I spent years trying to get help but in the end it was not enough … he was two men … I’m mourning the good man my soul mate … and so angry at the other side that wouldn’t stop get help … I’m sorry for the long post i guess it helps being able to tell the truth at last … x
So glad u just said that . The funeral is week on Wednesday and I wish i didn’t have to go that it was not happening … it’s enough that I have lost him the thought of the funeral terrifies me … especially with the gap and time passed x
Hi,
So glad you can talk now. You must remember that you did everything you could and it’s not your fault. Your husband was ill.
Is there a local bereavement counsellor you could speak to? If you have a hospice near you, they will help.
Be nice to yourself now, you deserve it,
X Chris
I feel so sorry for you and your husband, how terrible and sad. Have you got people round you for support? I’m not much help, but if there is anything I can do for you please let me know. It’s so awful that we need to speak to people in the same position as us, as everyone else just says the wrong thing, people can be very insensitive with stupid attempts at comport.
Here if you want to talk.
Lesley x
I agree with Chris, you did all that you could to try to help your husband, I think he was ill and not thinking clearly.
Its so good that you can be honest and write as you have done on this community website, I think it helps to discuss it with others who are going through this heartbreak, they truly know how awful it feels.
I can recall being absolutely petrified before the funeral of my late husband, just 8 months ago. I didn’t want to acknowledge he had gone, I wanted to hide away.
On the day of the funeral, I found an inner strength that I didn’t know I had, something came over me and I got through it.
I am thinking of you, take care of yourself …Elaine x
Your right if I hear one more person tell me I’m young and I’ll meet someone else … I don’t want to bloody meet someone else I want to grow old with him … bring my kids up with him … experience life with him … then they say oh the kids are young they don’t understand they won’t remember when there older … cant think of any thing worse than them not remembering x
I just think it’s important to be honest … I lost my mum to cancer a few years ago she was just 60. She was randomly chosen to have such a horrible disease that she had no control over … my husband had a chance to change a chance at life … so as much as I’m heartbroken I feel it important to be honest … he thought he was going to get away with it … and others need to be aware … x
Ignore them and shout ! Of course you don’t want anyone else, how stupid can they get!
I’m afraid you’ll get a lot of that.
It’s something positive you can do now; talk to the kids about him and it’ll help all of you.
No one can understand what you’re going through, it’s like pushing through cobwebs while walking up hill. Small steps.
X Chris
It’s been 8 weeks and I have already had people say I’m young and will meet someone else. It’s so cruel. I don’t ever want to meet anyone else. I had the best possible man, loving, loyal, funny and very handsome. I could never beat that so why would I settle for anything less. I will scream if anyone else says it. It’s me and my kids now, and for evermore. Life is lonely, but it is what it is.
Michelle you should be proud that you stuck by your husband, he was ill, I work with people with his problems and it isn’t a choice for them. If he had a choice, he would have chosen another path.
Here if you want to talk
Lesley xx