Tomorrow I would have celebrated 67 years of marriage to Bill, who died just over a year ago. I don’t know how I will cope but I will be going to visit the crematorium where Bill’s ashes are interred in a stone orb. 67 years is a long time and I am not making much headway in my efforts to come to terms with trying to live without him. Our adult children have all gone back to their busy lives, and I am happy with that but the loneliness is dreadful. At times I have wished that I could go to sleep and not wake up again but, despite everything, life is a precious gift and should be treasured. I feel for you all as I know what it is like to lose someone you love, the way I loved Bill. God Bless. Eileen xx
Hi Eileen
I will be thinking of you tomorrow - 67 years is a very long time. I know you will relive your wedding day ( we all do) and that your mind will fast forward through all the years you spent with Bill. You will have mixed emotions, sadness that he is no longer by your side but gratitude for all the wonderful memories you made together. (Some people posting on this site only had a brief time with the love of their life and never got to fulfil their hopes and dreams, so we were lucky) I hope your memories comfort you tomorrow and although Bill is not physically here that you feel his presence as you go through the day. Sending you a big hug.
Yvonne X
Thank you, Yvonne. It will be mixed emotions for me but I shall say a prayer of thanks for having Bill in my life for so long. (69 years if you count the 2 we were courting). I still miss him so much. With love.
Eileen xx
Hi Eileen,
I will be thinking of you today. It’s been 8 weeks for me, and I can already say that I don’t think we will ever come to terms with losing our loved ones. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up, but then I look at my kids, (25, 22,22) and think they are adults but still so young. We need to Carry on for them. Life is a gift and should be treated as such, some how. I don’t have any wise words to say, but 67 years is a long time, I had nearly 40 years with my husband, what I would give to have had 67 years. I hope you get through the day ok, as I said I will be thinking of you.
Lesley x
Hi Eileen, I feel for you and will be thinking of you ~ all these precious dates just serve to remind us of what we had and loved. 67 years of marriage is a life-time and you must have some very lovely memories of your wonderful years with Bill.
You are not alone Eileen, so many of us are going through exactly what you are going through and can totally understand how you feel.
Look after yourself, keep in touch. Best wishes and a big hug from Elaine x
Thank you, Lesley. When I read on here about young people losing their loved ones I am grateful for having had such a long time with Bill. Now I just feel totally lost and keep wondering if it’s all a bad dream, but it isn’t, and he has gone. My only consolation is that, as I am nearly 87, I probably won’t have many years in which to grieve. I know that doesn’t sound very nice because life is precious no matter what. We had good and bad times but were always together, and I feel as if I have had my heart ripped out of me. I wasn’t too bad on the day. A good cry and then it was over. Maybe next year it won’t be so bad. Eileen xx
Thank you, Elaine. Well, I have come through the first anniversaries and am hoping that I will now begin to feel better. I still cannot believe that he has gone after all the years we were together. It still seems like a bad dream to me. I know that a couple who are in their eighties as we were, must expect one or the other to go but it doesn’t make the grieving any easier. Our grown up children have all gone back to their busy lives and that is right, but I’m finding it very difficult to cope with the utter loneliness without Bill around. Writing on here helps because we are all in the same horrible place. Kind thoughts Eileen xx
Hi I read ur thread … I lost my husband only two weeks ago married 10 years next month … he was only 36. We have 2 little ones 4 and 5 … I’m beyond destroyed …it was sudden out of the blue and we never got chance to say goodbye… I planned to be married as long as u … my first love my only … what a wonderful marriage u must have had … if I had as long as u had with ur husband it still would not be enough … so don’t apologise because urs was that sort of marriage and love younger people should only wish for … people say I will love again … I don’t want too I still love now and that won’t go … x
I am so sorry to read about losing your husband at such a young age, and can understand how you must be feeling. Sadly, I am not able to say anything to make it better for you as I have been through the heartache and know how it feels to want your loved one back when you know it isn’t possible. At least I had all those years with Bill, and I am grateful for that.
All I can say is, look after yourself for the sake of your two little ones. And don’t take any notice of people telling you that you will find love again. Maybe you will but not for a very long time and perhaps never. People come out with silly things when they don’t know what to say, especially if they have never had to face the terrible grief that we have.
If it makes you feel better, keep writing on here. I find that it sometimes helps when I am feeling very low.
Eileen xx
Hi Everyone,
It’s weekend again and it doesn’t get any better.
Reading here makes me realise that there are so many of us with all our memories and pain, both young and older.
I’ve been trying to do some gardening but can’t see the point, there’s no one to share it with.
Sorry to be so miserable but always feel better when I off load my sadness here.
After 7 months,I still can’t believe Paul’s not coming back, as you say, it’s like a bad dream every day.
So many things need dealing with and I haven’t got the energy to tackle them and then I panic about things deteriorating.
The loneliness is unbearable.
Hope you are coping better than me
X Chris
Hi Chris
You have put into words exactly what I have been thinking. It’s all such a struggle with no real signs of improvement.
Keeping up the pretence of being ok is so hard.
Going shopping again to try and lift the mood.
Yvonne
Hi Chris, I totally understand how you are feeling, at times it feels never-ending.
I’m trying to set myself a task each day, and I’ve been amazed that I can actually
do jobs I’ve never done before.
No need to apologies for feeling as you do, why wouldn’t you feel miserable? I feel like that too and I relate to everything you have said.
Best wishes Elaine x
Hi Tilly
No, my days no better than yours. I have cried most of the day, smashed some things in my bedroom. Not nice for my daughter to see. I haven’t eaten or drank anything so far. So feeling pretty crap. I just don’t know what to do now, it feels like my head is about to explode.
In a real mess, I have to sort myself out for my kids sake but I don’t know how?
Sorry to add to the misery
Lesley
Hi Lesley do u mind me asking how long ago your loss was xxxx
Hi Lesley do u mind me asking how long ago your loss was xxxx
8 weeks ago, people say it’s early days. But not for me, it feels like a lifetime ago
Just two weeks for me the pain is devastating i have two little ones . And your right 1 week 8 weeks 80 weeks feels like a black whole no matter what … I have not had funeral yet postponed for inquest… the only comfort I have is this website … I only want to hear from people who feel the same as me ,x
Hi Elaine,
That’s a very good idea, I can sometimes do a small task . I try and think that tomorrow I’ll do a tiny job, may only be a bit of ironing, put my clothes away, put the recycling together, nothing stressful. I can’t do anything about Paul’s clothes or sort his chest of drawers, that’ll have to wait.
Thanks for replying
X Chris
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Well sadly I know exactly how you are feeling. I am trying to be positive about something or anything, but I have nothing that resembles positivity. It’s about trying to appear ok for the kids. It’s so draining. Richard was just 55, we have been together for nearly 40 years. We have 3 lovely children, Alex 25 twin girls 22. They are keeping me going.
Is it ok to ask a bit about you ?
Lesley x
Hi,
Of course you only want to hear from us, in the same boat. Anyone else seems so far away from your experience.
I saved myself a lot of stress by explaining to everyone that Paul didn’t want a funeral. It’s not compulsory. He had a private cremation. The undertaker is quite used to this arrangement and I have the ashes. It’s entirely your decision, don’t be forced to do anything you don’t want to. That goes for everything now, no big decisions and just tick over. If you can get up and dressed and feed the children , that’s enough.
Try and be kind to yourself,
Hugs, Chris