My mum was diagnosed 5 weeks ago with terminal cancer and it’s everywhere! The doctors gave her weeks to live and she is still bravely fighting! I feel a mixture of emotions and don’t know where to start . I feel angry at mum because her heavy smoking caused all this , also I was told by her doctor if she saw someone earlier… her cancer would have been treatable and she would have had longer . Mum is stubborn, hates doctors, needles and always put others before herself. I’m also jealous because all my friends still have their mums (mine is 73 which I think is still young) .
Mum also wants to die at home with myself and sibling to care for her. This is an honour but I am emotionally , mentally and physically exhausted! I’m missing my home /boys/hubby/pets and normality! My sibling and I are share the night shift sleeping on the sofa so we can keep an eye on mum . You don’t really sleep because you have one eye/ear open just in case ? I’m scared how quickly she is deteriorating and keep having flashbacks of her choking on her blood with the look of fear and panic on her face ! The whole thing is a nightmare that I can’t wake up from and I don’t feel strong anymore 
Gosh I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I lost my Dad very suddenly in April this year. As horiffic and painful as that was, I am thankful that I never had to watch him deteriorate over time. I cant imagine how difficult and draining this must be, and I don’t know how much advice I can offer, but I do know that everything you’re feeling is ok and normal. You will have days where all you can do is get through and make it till the next day. Lean on close friends and family, and keep putting one foot infront of the other, and you will get through this awful time. Sending you lots of love 
@Tori50 i am sorry you are going through this, I looked after my husband at home until he passed away. Our daughter and myself shared the nights until we got help from Marie Curie. Are you getting any help from District Nurses and out of hours Nurses. My husband had a syringe driver in so nurses were in everyday. Macmillan nurses were a help as well. I hope you are getting the help you need.
This is frightening. I was exhausted when my husband was in hospital for five weeks before he died. But it wasn’t the same as no one said he was dying and so it was a shock
But he was very ill. My mother died of a heart attack and died suddenly at home alone. I was going to see her that day when it happened earlier. She was dead on the floor and was a shock to see her. She had smoked as well. She was 73. Yes her lifestyle had caused it as well. She refused to go back in hospital after the initial six weeks she hated. So when she needed to again when she had mini strokes she refused.
So I was scared for ten years knowing what would happen.
Every time the tel rang. My father died first so she died two years later.