Went to work never came home

5 days ago my partner just never came home I had a feeling when 2 hours had passed when he was due and his phone would just ring off, then when I saw the police car I knew. We are both hospital workers he was a painter and he was alone in a side room working so nobody saw him collapse. I. Totally lost I’m just sat in a daze, all his things, his shoes by the door, his cup, toothbrush, what do I do. I work night shifts so I have a sleep room I am in there with our shared bedroom door shut pretending he is in there just playing his PlayStation laying on the bed. We were supposed to retire together he was 56

@Pebbles25 I’m sorry you have lost your partner, but you are not alone. Everyone on here has gone through, or is going through exactly the same emotions as you are now. After only five days you are still going to be in shock. Have you got any family or close friends around you and at the moment?
Please keep reading these posts, it does help to know there are other people out there

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Thankyou Richard . I haven’t done anything am I supposed to.? Bereavement care phoned me but I can’t remember what was said his car is still at work

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@Pebbles25 have you registered the death yet? That has to be done fairly quickly.

Everything else can wait.

One minute at a time and keep that door shut for as long as you need it to be.

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Can you or a friend get the car back home?
There is a timeline on what to do when on the Martin Lewis website which I found helpful


I haven’t got the death certificate yet I will see if bereavement care phone if not I will phone them.

I understand your shock. My husband went out for a run and never came home. He was 50. Still don’t know why. By the time me and my son went to find him, he was already dead. How can life change so dramatically in the blink of an eye? I have rung the GP today as I seem to be feeling worse. Take support wherever you can. Sign up for counselling. Post on here as people really do understand. As people keep telling me- just take it one breath at a time. Sending hugs

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You will probably get a temporary death certificate from the Coroner’s office - I did. You don’t need to worry about that then, it is all in their hands. If the car insurance is in his name, just ring them and explain. This is one of the first things I did. The rest of the things you can do step by step. Write everything down - you will forget otherwise.

Thanks jules I know it sounds horrible doesn’t it, knowing other people are suffering too, kind of makes it a little bit easier knowing you are not the only one and other people manage to carry on in the end

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That’s the thing about this forum. Everyone understands. Different people have ups and downs at different times so there will always be support. We can’t take the pain away - no one can - but we do understand.

Dear Pebbles25

I am so sorry for your loss and can understand most of the shock and feelings you will be experiencing. It is very early days for you.

My husband died in a road traffic accident, the police answered his phone when we were ringing to see where he was and they picked me up to take me to the hospital but it was too late. I returned to a house that had everything where he had left them - 8 months on and I have not touched them.

The Coroner will issue you with an interim certificate. When you receive the letter contact them - if they have not already included it in the correspondence - for a code to allow you to use the ‘Tell us Once’ website - that takes care of quite a lot. In terms of the car, as others have said contact the car insurance and let them know. I drove our car a week after the funeral and had a crash - the shock is unbelievable and clearly for me was still present - so if you can get someone to collect the car for you I think that would be advisable or see if the hospital will let you leave the car there until you feel able to collect it.

Will be thinking of you and take as much support as offered. Make sure you also apply to the DWP for the payment that should be available to you.


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Sheila, how awful for you I’m so sorry, 8 months further on than me seems so far away to me at the moment. His boss said he will get the car not sure how to feel about it being in the drive. At the moment Im doing the what if things

I did this. 6 days after he passed I went for a drive and drove into a massive Boulder. I got out to see what I had hit and was hysterically crying (it was only a prang) a man came over and asked if I was hurt and I kept saying he’s gone over and over.

I didn’t drive again for weeks after that.

We both are nhs hospital workers and I asked my boss please no flowers I don’t want a load of flowers but the chief executive sent some, a nice jester but I think my neighbours enjoyed me jumping all over them and screaming in the front garden.

Gesture. Oops

I binned all the flowers that arrived. Including the cards. I took pleasure in ripping them up into teeny tiny pieces.

I maintain my stance of when your world has just ended, who wants a card on the side reminding them of it?!!!

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Dear Pebbles25

I asked for no flowers but they contined arriving for weeks, even after the funeral as did the cards. I requested no flowers for the funeral (except for those from me and our kids) instead asked for donations to the Great North Air Ambulance who attended the scene in an attempt to save him. If the money we raised goes some small way towards saving another family the heartbreak we are experiencing then it will have been in a good cause.

Take care.


Some of the bouquets had lillies in them and the pollen (or whatever) fell onto the new laminate we had just had put down last year and I cried cos it now serves as a constant stain/reminder.

Dear Lost 82

Sorry should have replied in the one message.

I know what you mean. It was someone else backing into the side of my car and I got out and just cried - my husband dealt with all the car-related jobs. The reaction of the guy was to ask me for £100 and we could forget about it. My reply is unprintable!