I’m 43 and my husband was 45 and died 5 weeks ago. I’ve two children aged 14 & 10. The night times when the kids go to bed and weekends are just so hard. What am I ment to do now just look after the children and exist, I have an amazing family and friends who come and see us everyday and want us to come stay with them at weekends. I just want my husband and my life back. It’s so so hard. I’m trying to be strong for the children but I’m just so lonely.
9 Likes
I am 52 and my wife was 49. Like you I lost her 5 weeks ago. I can feel your pain, its awful isnt it?
5 Likes
So sorry for your loss.
My wife died 6 weeks ago this morning, so yes it’s really hard and lonely. I’m 79 and had been with the love of my life for over 60 years. It would have been our 58th wedding anniversary in September.
I start crying this time in the morning and go on throughout the day, only stopping briefly if someone knocks the door. I go to bed early around 7pm and watch tv to try occupy my mind. I say goodnight to her around 10 and cry myself to sleep. At the moment it seems a never ending cycle.
However life has to continue. You have young children that need you. I have 2 children and 4 grandchildren that need me. That doesn’t stop the loneliness but it gives life a purpose.
You take care
5 Likes
It really is. It’s just not fair. I’m so sorry for you xx
2 Likes
It’s just horrific and you have to keep going for ur family. If I didn’t have the kids I probably wouldn’t get out of bed. I’m so sorry for you. It’s just so so sad x
3 Likes
Sadly if I didn’t have kids and grandchildren, I would have joined my wife by now. I’ve never known a time like this when I am so low. Just want it to end
3 Likes
I know and it’s because half of you is missing. It’s gonna be so hard and lonely but we have to keep going x
3 Likes
Maria I am sorry for your loss of your husband so young
Life is just not fair
I loss my partner just before his 50th birthday out of the blue
You are so right you just exist you go into auto pilot making sure the children are ok doing all the things that have to be done
But you must grieve Maria
I would write in a journal all what I was feeling things that couldn’t say out loud
It gave me chance to empty my stress bucket but unfortunately it didn’t take away the pain
You do learn to live with the loss but right now its all too raw for you
Keep coming on this site as no one will judge you we are all in the same boat
Take care
7 Likes
Thank you so so much Scotty. It’s just unbearable at the minute. I haven’t slept in over 27 hours and still can’t sleep. The only good thing is that I’ve amazing friends and family and my children are great kids and they are trying hard but they have lost their daddy and we are all worried about each other. It’s just so hard. I will get a diary and write how I’m feeling into it x
3 Likes
Have you tried speaking to your doctor about giving you something to help you sleep
I know you have children and you might not want to take something but you need your sleep Maria
I found when I went to sleep I would wake up and hope it was all a dream and they were still alive
Have you tried listening to music at bed time to calm you down
Cuddle his pillow
Its all about little steps and what’s best for you
Xx
5 Likes
Hi Scottie10
I write to my wife a lot. People don’t understand why i do it, but like you, i find i can express myself better on paper. I still cry when i write obviously, and it doesn’t stop the pain, but at least i can tell her how much i love and miss her still.
She has been gone 3 and a half months now, and it feels like 3 and a half years.
I won’t ever stop loving and missing her, but know that i have to now try to live without her. I feel guilty about creating new memories that she is not in. I know i shouldn’t feel like that, as people tell me, but they don’t understand what goes on in my head. Just want her back really.
7 Likes
People say ‘it’s early days yet’ give yourself time etc etc They mean well but it doesn’t help, you are on a new world now, a world of sadness, pain, regret ? And any other negative emotions you can think of. I don’t mean to be harsh, I’m only speaking from my own experience, my beautiful beatiful girlfriend, the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend committed suicide a few short months ago, so like yourself I’m in this emotional turmoil, my world has been turned upside down and inside out, I just don’t know where I am anymore. I’m really really sorry that I have no words that can ease your pain, all I can say is that I am trying desperately to recognise that, as people say, my grief is my love and I have a treasured garden of memories, a little garden that I try to nurture with my love and I water it with my tears hoping that maybe something will bloom, start your own little garden, it’ll be so so hard, full of debris, stones and unwanted stuff but put all your love in to it and it will blossom and bloom, somewhere for you to go to and visit when everyone has gone home and you are alone with your thoughts, sincerest love and best wishes, norrie x
4 Likes
Suicide is so cruel .I can’t imagine how you feel and I hope you get the support you need to get through the pain .
3 Likes
I’m so sorry for your loss
Time isn’t a healer but your body does learn to cope with the loss
Unfortunately your heart will always be broken
I wish I could take away your pain your going through right now
I know it’s hard but in your wee garden try and cherish all the happy memories you made they will give you some comfort
I total agree with you writing that does helps too
I use to send text messages to my partner and I still send emails to him to keep his account going some might say it’s stupid !
I would write in a journal every day it helped me get rid of my anger
I was so angry at the world I still am
Why take the love of my life
I wished I had gone then I think I would of hated him going through life with this awful heartache
Sending my love
4 Likes
Yes , I don’t write but talk to her, this has been only lately as I have been having counciling and they suggested I do
. I didn’t even realise that it had been 5 months on the 16th since she passed as you say it’s seemed 5 years , if it wasn’t for work
I don’t know where I would be mentally although it’s bad enough !
2 Likes
Hi
I’m 54 and lost my husband 12 weeks ago suddenly he was only 49. We have a 14 yr old daughter . It’s the shock that I can’t accept as he seemed fine the night before he passed away with a pulmonary embolism on the following day . My head is in bits thinking about what happend and the plans we had made together . I totally understand how hard it is for you at the moment especially having your two children . I have found family and friends are good for support . It’s the loneliness and future which is very hard to comprehend. I still hate walking into the empty house . I have found walking , exercising and writing a journal on my bad days , helps with my emotions . Everyday is different so taking each day as it comes is the best way to go with the waves of emotions. If you ever need to talk, don’t ever feel your alone .
3 Likes
I am so sorry for your loss, it’s so painful, I feel so many different emotions at the moment, it’s like a rollercoaster, it’s easier when I am working as everything is busy but it’s certain times of the day when it hits you and all you long for is the life you used to have, try and stay strong,
3 Likes
So sorry 2 hear about your loss. The sleeping issues resonated with me. Its just over a month since Steve left me. I get 2 sleep usually ok but wake so early. Im on autopilot and need sleep. Everyone has been wonderful that r in my life but i so need sleep
3 Likes
@Tracymc my husband also died of a pulmonary embolism in January. He was absolutely fine, until suddenly it happened in the street. I was walking alongside him . I have flashbacks to that horrible day. I still cannot believe he isn’t here. I also stuggle to think of my future and try not to panic. Feel exhausted most of the time. I have great friends and family, but they are as shocked as I am. So sorry xxx
4 Likes
I’m so so sorry for your loss as I’m sure you will have heard many times already, people want to help but they will never understand your grief, it is yours and yours alone, no one call feel it like you do, it won’t get better but you will learn to live with it, you are a new you now, don’t try to rush anything, don’t expect anything, just sit with your grief , see it as the love it was and is for your partner, grow a little garden in your heart of all the happy memories you had together, feed and water those memories in your little garden, in time some flowers will bloom 
Things take time, take care and look after yourself , you are stronger than you think and stronger than you feel just now x
5 Likes