thank you for your kind words i feel ok one minute as if i am copeing well then anothe time just cant seem to stop crying but like everyone else i am learning to cope
pat
i also feel the same i havent put a tree up this year either just doesnt feel like christmas just got to face the hurdles one at a time
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I’m sitting here thinking exactly the same thing as you. My mum died on Christmas Day last year and whilst I got through the day the last 2 days have been exceptionally hard. I keep thinking what can I do to make myself feel better and the only person who can make it better is mum. The ache in my heart is unbearable and all consuming. I feel choked. Sending lots of love and support your way from someone who completely understands x x
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I need to be alone with my grief. I don’t need people asking how I am doing every 5 minutes.
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its always best to do what you want to do and grieve how you want and need to do for youself
take care
Thanks for your message Looby, I appreciate it. You take care too.
Well that was Christmas and New Year and another year Hits and the Grief is still with us, and not likely to Disappear any time soon it has been a most difficult time for us all who have to run with the Pain and Heart Ache that it Brings but we have to give ourselves some Credit we seen it come and we seen it gone what this coming year holds know one knows but i know that the Grief will hold on for a while yet March the 18th will be terrible for me as it would have been our 50th wedding Anniversary this year but i will be keeping my Elaine very close to me as she is and always will be my first Love.
Hugs and Kisses to All on these pages.
KEN21.
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yes i know how you feel the holiday seemed longer than usual hard to get through but did and come out the other side our 54th aniversary would have bee 10th of feb but i will go to the gave to wish my husband a happy aniversay and put some flowers down for him and also will have his headstone put in for his birthday in may not what we wanted but at least we will never forget him the same you will never forget
look after yourself
pat
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It does seem a sort of relief to have come through it. I did find it hard. It seems to me that on this grief journey I need these times of extreme pain to get back on an an even keel again. Not that I want them to come. I suppose that is why it is sometimes described as a roller coaster. My next milestone I am dreading is Glen’s inquest on March 1st. There were doubts raised about his treatment both in the past and more recently that may have hastened his death. Now we are in 2022 I feel it hanging over me. I am not looking forward to reliving it all.
It’s very sad for you Ken to have your 50th wedding anniversary coming up. I expect you had talked about what you might do. Such an achievement to have had such a long marriage and it sounds like a very happy one.
Love and hugs to you back
Judy
Hi Judy what a dreadful thing to have to go through but i hope it will be the last hardest thing over with you have come through so much already so stay strung and get your husband the justice he deserves
hugs to for that day
pat
We had a very Magical Marriage
We where chalk and cheese but chalk and cheese got on very well we did Discuss a lot of things and we did not shy away from anything but talking and then you get hit by Reality is another thing you can not prepare for the Grief it is just unbearable but the Anniversary will be another testing time.
Love to All.
KEN21
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Hi Ken
sound as if you had a really lovely marriage
i dont think you can ever prepare youself for the loss of some one you loved dearly and been with for so long even though my husband had been ill with copd and other ailments its still hard when they pass its a part of the future you never want to think about
i know how you feel with our anniversay comeing on feb 10th and another hurdle to get over
pat
My relationship with my wife was north meets south I am originally from London my wife from Southport Merseyside in the 70s when we met her mother hated southerners it was a thing in those days. But my wife and I met and married in 6 MTHS they said it wouldn’t last but it did 45yrs she had heart problems virtually from the start and in the end COPD but we packed a lot in that time tried not to have what ifs in our lives. We lived in London for a bit then moved to West Wales then here in Northampton were our son lived then we spent a few years living in Spain and came back to NORTHAMPTON when her health started to deteriorate she lasted another 10yrs but the last 2-3 yrs was hard for her. So her passing was a relief for her. 6mths later I got diagnosed with prostate cancer so now I’m nursing myself I’m managing but it’s tough by yourself I just have my 2 dogs to see me through all this I’m still suffering side effects from the chemo. But all the time I remember my promise to my wife to look after the boys and that is what is getting me through all this. I suspect that when they have both gone then it will all hit me and my need to live will be gone, I will face that when I get to it and will try not to dwell on that for now. I believe it’s all about thinking what your partner would have wanted and I know my wife wanted me to have a life after her I know because she was always telling me that. It’s hard now though with my cancer because I can’t put another person through nursing me as I did my wife. Anyway I can’t go out for to long due to my problems so it would be difficult to find another friend to share my life with. I spend my days alone my son has his life to live and I won’t burden him with looking after me. So grief and cancer is my lot and I just have to man up and live with it alone.
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Hi Oscar
your marriage sound a bit like ours we were both young when we met my husband mom was irish and catholic i was prodisant so you can just imagine the arguments that went on his mom would say you should marry a good catholic girl my dad would say it wont work marrying so young and marrying a cathlic but we proved them all wrong by having a good life together going abroad on lovely holidays and we would have celebrated 54 years next month but i just live one day at a timeand keep myself busy and like you i have dog now i have to look after take out and i have 3 daughters with their own familys andi always said i would never be a burden to them
sorry to hear about you having cancer and hope you get through it ok yes i always think of what my husband would want me to do and that would be to look after myself and my dog it must be hard going through it on your own the worst part is not having someone one there to tell your problems to
looks after youself and good luck with your treatment and hope you come out the other side
pat
Hi sorry for your loss.
Last year was the first Christmas without my lovely dad and I too wanted to just go to bed and wake up when it was all over. Again like you I had melt downs in shops whether it be the Christmas music, cards for dad or others just being happy.
It is tough I still got a card for my dad, made him a special wreath for his grave, put his photo at our lunch table, although none of this was like having him with us it did help a little.
I still feel the same about this Christmas approaching, I’m dreading it again and Christmas used to be 1 if my fav times ofthe year.
Just be there for each other and cry when you want to. Don’t worry what others think. I sobbed in the card shop and everyone was looking but I didn’t care. I just wanted my dad. Xx
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