Thank you Ken. Only people who have lost a spouse can understand how we feel. Everything seems to be going wrong at the moment. I was proud of myself as I thought I had worked out how to repressure my combi boiler, something my husband used to do. It appears I did not quite tighten it up enough after and the pressure got too high so I had water leaking out. The plumber thinks a pipe may have split. He is calling Monday morning. I howled more tears than I have for a long time. I just felt so alone and helpless. I just miss Glen so much.
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Judynews,I know how you feel you don’t realise when your tog how reliant you are on each other,I couldn’t stop crying when the fencing broke with the storms I stress about things that haven’t happened but might do have lost my confidence, I’m lost without my husband,heartbroken
Christine x
Judynews
Well done at least you tried i understand about how you feel about your Glen you are no Different to how i feel about my Elaine,just like you a couple of months ago when Elaine was in Hospital i had to use the washing machine i managed to get the clothes into it i turned the Dial on and for 15 minuets i could not understand how it was not working i had to phone my Daughter and she told me to switch it on at the wall.Both of us are on a Learning curve and we will get there at some stage so don’t feel bad about your Boiler and we will both be missing our respective partners for a long time.
I miss my Elaine Enormously.
Sending love.
KEN21
Dutchman,
When you go to visit Bridget don’t you Forget to tell her how you are feeling carry on speaking to her and don’t forget to tell her that you Love her as that is what counts.
I told my Elaine right up until she Died that we would Always be in Love she knew she was my First Love and my Shining Star and the Pain will be with me for a Long while yet.
KEN21
Hi Ken, I know how you feel about the festivities, but I am sure your lovely wife would not want you to be so sad. please try to enjoy some of your christmas time. Love and best wishes to you Pauline
Hi Ken21
I’m actually quite savvy when come to doing stuff around the home. What brought me to tears was when my leg hurt so much after falling 3 weeks ago and Bridget wasn’t there to help me, encourage me and just to give me some sympathy. I really really felt sorry for myself.
We rely on someone to help out and when that’s gone it hits us how alone we are. But I believe because there’s no option we become more resilient and increasingly self reliant. What choice have we?
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Hello Dutchman
We don’t have any choice we just have to take it one day at a time.
KEN21
Pauline123
Thanks Pauline i knew my wife would not want me to be Sad but i am going to spend Christmas Day at my Local community centre where there will be another 40 people who will be spending Christmas Day alone i have chosen to do that as it is something i would not have done if Elaine had still been with me Christmas was our thing but with a little bit of luck the people who i will surround myself with on Christmas Day may just make Christmas Day a little bit Brighter Hopefully.
Sending Love
KEN21
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What we all need is for the world to stop and we go back in time to when we had our loved ones and life wasn’t this awful chapter in a book that we all know at some point in our lives we will be part of, I need the pain of missing my dear mum to stop, but if it does do I stop longing for her 
life is cruel sometimes, we all have one thing and that’s each other on here to , share our stories, our grief and our everlasting love for the ones we’ve lost,
Take care everyone 
Lynn xx
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I lost my wife and soulmate 2yrs ago last year wasn’t so bad probably because I was going through chemotherapy and that took my mind off of her but this year I have nothing else going on in my life I’m missing her terribly. I was going to my son’s for lunch but with this new covid strain I don’t want to take the chance as I’m still vunerable. I went shopping yesterday and it brought it all home how she hated shopping at this time. It’s going to be a long Christmas this year.
I’m emotionally exhausted trying to pretend all is ok & “looking forward” to having family over at Christmas, I want to go to bed & sleep until it’s all over, even worse I’ll be facing a New Year without my Keith, I went to a friends for lunch today, I got upset & felt really bad because she’d got me a lovely Christmas card & a present, I haven’t done anything for anyone & I’m now worried family will be upset because I haven’t but I’ve not got the energy, I hope they’ll understand x
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I’m 2yrs in and I haven’t got the will to buy presents or even do Xmas. I don’t want to visit my son over Xmas especially with this new covid varient I am vunerable because of my cancer treatment. I have to fulfill my promise to my wife that I will look after our dogs. If I didn’t have them I would go all out to catch covid so my misery would be over.
This is my first yr without my daughter kasey she was only 19 I have to keep tryin for my children but I’m the total same hun I don’t want Xmas I just want to sleep all the time n I’m dreading new yr as kasey won’t be coming with me n that hurts so much so I know how u feel I’m glad someone told me about this site so I know I’m not alone now but ur family will understand hun the last thing anyone needs is tryin get stuff for ppl when all u want is a big hug of the person u have lost chin up we will get through it together that’s what I keep gettin told I hope ur ok xxx
Renaultone
Sorry for your loss,I know how your feeling my husband passed away 12weeks ago I still find it hard to believe he’s not coming back,feel I can’t breathe at times especially in the morning
I tried to get a bit of shopping today and had a complete melt down when hearing chrismas music,to much for me,have had to come home with nothing.
Don’t feel guilty crying in front of people,the loss of our husbands/wives is traumatic,heartbreaking,never get over this
Take care
Christine x
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My thoughts are with all my fellow grievers on this Christmas day. Like so many others, I Do Not need those “Merry, Cheery, Happy” cards that still keep coming! The first Xmas after my loss (my beloved little Sister to cancer) a so called friend, a social worker at that, sent me one of those generic free cards one gets in the mail. It was all about having “fun and and joy with family & friends”, and all that rot. She was present at the memorial mind you, so she was quite aware of my crushing pain. To send a card like that was inexcusable! I also cannot handle people telling me, “so good to see you getting into the spirt this year” simply because I hung a wreath on my door. I appreciate the few people simply who wished me peace at Christmas, and acknowledged how hard it is, and will always be. So many assume I should be over it now (it has only been 3 years) and therefore capable of gleefully joining in all the Christmas festivities. And why send me texts with photos of your warm family gatherings, whilst I am working at Christmas, and then going home to an empty house? How do they think that makes me feel? Or they just do not think at all. Frankly I find it is getting harder every year. My Sister was my best friend, my confidant and partner through life. We shared every Christmas together, along with our Mum, who also left this earth in 2012. I am now here alone with just my memories of the wonderful Christmases I was blessed to have with the 2 most important people in my life. If only people would temper their words, and stop to think how insensitive those cheery cards, pictures and unhelpful comments are to we who are mourning. Thank God for this forum. Thank you all and I wish you peace on your journey into the new year. Xxx A Sad Sister
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I too think it’s so inexcusable to not think beforehand what type of message you’re sending to someone who’s heart is aching with grief. I’m so so fed up with this pressure to have a good time and pretend all’s right with the world when it definitely isn’t.
I don’t wish any of this on people but a little sadness would knock the edges off of others and give
them ( hopefully) more empathy with those of us going through all this. I got a card yesterday just bringing me up to date with their life and how the children are doing, their decorating- as if I give a damn!
Peace. That’s all I wish for and much understanding which you can only really get through walking in someone’s else’s shoes.
Joke- if you need to criticise someone first walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’ll have their shoes and you’ll be a mile away when they criticise you back.
Take care, be kind to yourself
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I am sure that this Christmas has been the worst Christmas i have had it is my First Christmas without my Wife being with me
I will look forward to it being gone i just yearn for those Christmases where she would still be with me, i know she is with me in Spirit but i missed her telling me how much she Loved me which she did every Day I miss her something Terrible and the Heartache,i don’t think will ever Disappear it will be with me for a long while yet,Elaine was and still is my SOUL MATE and My First Love so this time of year is such a Blur but Christmas this year will be of no use to me but i do wish you all some kind of Peace for the years we have to carry such Grief.
Love to you All.
KEN21
X
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yes i too wish people would think before sending card wishing you a merry christmas as i lost my husband 6 weeks ago i didnt feel very merry on christmas day i went to my daughters and was supposed to have stayed till tomorrow but came home early as i felt so empty and lost
i tried my hardest to keep the tears back because i felt so empty and lot and didnt want to upset her and the children
i thought i was doing well since the funeral as i had olny shed a few tears now and again but yesterday was harder to cope with than i imagined and all the christmas songs dont help luckily enough i have a beautiful greyhound thats helped me a lot as i have to walk her it gets me out
the stupist thing i had said to me was hope next year is better for you i can only do one day at a time never mind think of next year
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That was very brave of you to come home; to recognise you needed your own space to grieve. 6 weeks is still very early. I know I was still not really believing it at that stage and quite numb a lot of the time. The grief counsellor I have been talking to from Hospice said it seems our brains protect us a bit at the beginning. I am nearly 6 months in and it does get easier but not necessarily less painful when the waves of grief hit. We just have to work through it. Accept the tears, be with the people who help, get out when we feel like it and don’t expect too much of ourselves. Thinking of you and all the other grievers Judy
I’m so sorry for you ,I feel the very same way I could have written this myself I only hope and pray things can somehow ease a little and let a little light into a very dark place which we all seem to be in. Thoughts are with everyone walking this horrible road .xxx
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