I want to feel normal, which I know is hard in the current lockdown situation, but even just my feelings or to have less tress or anxiety. I think I need to go to the doctors for tablets or something as I cant keep going on like this. Some days I wish it would all end, then I look at my beautiful young family and try and stay strong, but its hard when there is so much going off in my life and I’m trying to sort everyone else’s feelings and lives out as well as mine. My Dad admitted that he’s got PTSD (he found my mum dead on the lounge floor, did CPR on her till Ambulance and Doctors arrived to carry on) which has made me want him out of the house asap (he wants out as well) Ive thought about him trying to come and live with me but its not that simple.
I honestly feel so confused and have feelings and emotions I never knew I had before. Sorry for going on but I need to get it off my chest.
Hi Tigger
Very sorry to hear about your mom. I am going through the same thing as you, but about 6 months further along this life experience.
My vibrant healthy dad was just living his normal fun life. My mom found him dead in his tv chair, legs up reclined, watching tv, remote in his hand. She tried cpr too, but it was way too late. We all have / had PTSD. This was June of last year. They were supposed to come to my house that night for dinner.
I tried a lot of different things to feel better. it felt like I was looking over the edge of a cliff, jumping, then doing it over and over again. I also had to do what you are - managing my mom’s fright, I stayed at her house every night for almost 3 months, left my kids and husband at home every night. She was running around with friends constantly to escape, then we would meet up at her house. It was torture sadness disbelief - insanity. I still cant believe we made it through those early months.
When I wasnt with her, I would watch youtube videos to meditate and sleep.
The biggest help for me was to realize that I had to be more selfish and only do the minimum. I scaled down my work - couldnt concentrate anyway. Kids had to fend for themselves as much as possible. If I wanted to nap, I did. If I wanted a walk, I did it. This reduced a lot of extra responsibility and life stress.
It is important to take time for yourself and not pile things on that are hard to manage. Also, be sure to eat and hydrate. Grief is exhausting and no one really prepares you for that aspect. The stress and anxiety that you describe, are normal but its not normal to you because you have never felt like this before.
I can promise you that you will get through this. Its painful and not fun. Thats just what it is. But you will be you again. You will have peace of mind again. Your dad will feel better eventually. I think from hearing from other people and my own journey - that it can be a while for him. His life was just torn apart. Just being there for him is good enough. It will help build his inner strength.
One foot in front of the other…
Ell
Hi. Tigger. ‘What does normal feel like any more’. Not normal is the short answer. How can it be? What with our loss and the current situation it’s bound to be hard going. But if we can accept that fact without getting wound up then it may ease things a bit. It sounds as if you have domestic problems which doesn’t help.
Emotions will come and must be allowed to come. If you feel a visit to your GP would be worth while then go. It may be that short term medication can help you ease your thoughts and enable you to look at the situation more calmly. Medication is a controversial subject. But why suffer when help is available? If not medication your doctor can give advice. After all they deal with bereavement on an almost daily basis.
We have all felt we wish it would all end, but you have your family to look after. The fact that your dad admitted he had PTSD is a big step for him. So many go into denial when having had the experience he had. We all have had a life trauma. Losing a loved one is a trauma. Try not, in your present state, to take on other people’s burdens. Yes, help where you can, but if it begins to affect your health stop. We all have to cope in our own way.
Don’t ever feel sorry about ‘going on’. You don’t! You unload and share, and that’s what this site is about. Strange feelings and emotions will come. Allow them to. Don’t try and run away from them. Emotions at this time can be very painful and our natural desire is to lose them. But the process of grief needs to be allowed. Take it as easy as you can. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Blessings. John.
Thank you for your reply and sorry about your Dad. Can’t imagine what our parents went through finding the other had passed away. I am there for my Dad as much as can be during this weird time were all going through and have even been for a distance drink in the garden, just so I can see him for real. My children are 7 and 3 so fending for themselves is a little harder, but they have been amazing in their own ways, lots of cuddles.
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Thank you, it does help knowing others are going through the same emotions and feelings as me, so in that sense I am normal. I dont think lockdown has helped my Dad as he is stuck in the house where he found my Mum and fought for her life to come back, but he has popped round for a distance chat and drink in the garden, but still not the same.
I do find spilling my problems on here helps more than speaking to my husband, as you all understand. I love my husband and still talk to him but its just not the same, as I know he doesn’t fully understand as he hasn’t been through it the same as me. I know its not a competition but this site has helped me a lot since I joined a few weeks ago. Thank you again
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