What future do I have now?

2 years and 4 months since my husband passed suddenly, we were together for 40 years and we were 1 month away from our 38th wedding anniversary. My life have changed so much, plans for our future gone in an instant. Life is going on all around me I feel my life is stood still and I feel so lost and lonely, I can’t see how to move forward I can’t see good future just loneliness. We loved to travel but how do you travel on your own or do any things on your own, I have just turned 62 and never had to go anywhere on my own since I was 19 my husband has always been by my side. My children are good but they have their own lives and young families now and the few friends that stayed around after loosing Steve are good but once again have their own lives and familys. All I can see in my future is helping to look after my grandchildren shopping once a week and very occasionally having a meal out with friends that’s it. People keep saying I need to start doing more to make a life and future for myself, but how do you do that, how do you make a new life on your own. I do go out on my own but what the point it’s not much fun and makes me feel even more lonely. I don’t know what my future will be but it’s not going to be the future we planned and looked forward to. I wish people would understand how hard life is without your partner and how hard it is to begin a new life on your own.


Morning Deb,
I like you am a bit further down the bereavement road and am finding it hard to adjust to this new way of living. It isn’t easy when you have been married a long time and then find that the love of your life is no longer there especially when it comes to holidays and days out.
I to have grown up children and agree that they have their own lives to leave so I try to be up beat when they call or we go out some where as all I keep thinking is Pete should be here… I haven’t been on holiday since he passed as Cornwall was our special place and it won’t be the same even with the family.
I try to keep occupied but at times it seems to much effort. I recently joined a rock choir which is good as you are busy singing and don’t have to much time to make conversation. I’m told it’s good for the soul.Only downside the song we’re learning at the moment is Lewis Capaldi’s everything is pointless without you’… It really does sum the whole situation up. Just wanted you to know that you’re not on your own
feeling like this at times meaningless journey.
Take care of yourself
Love Jenny x


Thanks Jenny,
Poland and the German Christmas markets was our favourite place to visit, your right that song does sum up the situation. Glad you keeping busy with your singing, wish I could sing but tone deaf. Thanks for taking time to reply it does help to know some people know and understand how and what you are going through and don’t judge you. Take care xx


Just a thought… scrolling through my I Pad this morning I have just come across a Buddhist monk and how to ‘mend a broken heart’ and also ‘how to let go’ It just comes on You Tube as Buddhism and then the various titles.He’s a fairly young man dressed in red and although I came across this by pure chance the short video on ‘letting go’ really made me question a new way of thinking as I seem to be have been stuck in my present thoughts for a long time.
Jenny x


Will have a look thanks x

Hi Jenny just a thought, you say. Yes. But an excellent thought.
If we keep thinking like we always have then we feel and behave like we always have.
Lots of ways to go. CBT, mindfulness, hypnosis. I shall have a look at the buddhist dressed in red on youtube!

PS Is this the bloke? How to deal with the grief of losing a Loved One? | Buddhism In English - YouTube


Deb 9, when I read your post it was if I was writing it myself. It will be 2years next month since I lost my husband. We had been together nearly 40 year from school. It’s hurting just as bad now as it did when I lost him. I have had a few holidays since as we loved to travel and I’ve just come back from a solo holiday in Ibiza which I found helped whilst there but then you have to come back to reality. Take Care


As someone else has said, your post could have been written by me. I am only a few months ahead of you on this journey none of us wanted or could have expected. I too look after our two young grandsons, go out for shopping and then retreat home. Activities always revolved around both our interests and I can’t bring myself to do any of them without my husband by my side. We were meant to start our retirement and new chapter in life and all of that has been taken from me. Sorry this is why I don’t post often now.

It was our son’s wedding last week. Some very insensitive comments. I painted on a brave face and it was exhausting. The period leading up to the event was unbearable. I am glad that the wedding went smoothly and they all had a lovely day. I still only take one day at a time. And I agree with your comment about going out alone and it making you feel even more lonely.

Take care.


Hi Debs. I could have written that post. We lost our husbands at the same time and I have been living your life. I am older, 76, and so was lucky enough to have those extra years with Vic. however I feel that I am now too old to have a future except the one that you mention. Looking after the grandchildren, once a week shopping etc. We used to drive around Europe, across to Greece, down to Portugal. There were so many other places we were going to and I could do it myself but why? It wouldn’t be the same on my own. However in the last couple of weeks I’ve started to look at the house and realised that I haven’t touched it for over two years. I need to get the paint brush out and rearrange the furniture. That is the first glimpse of normality so perhaps there will be a future of some sort after all. Keep living from day to day and hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. x


Dear Sheila

Today a couple that me and husband have known for over 30 years stopped to chat while I was out getting some shopping - always a failed attempt as I forget what I went for as soon as I step into the shop. They both told me that I needed to get a dog. We did have dogs in the past but l could not stand the heartbreak of another loss and as you too say, for me personally, I do not want a pet, I need my husband. These past years since my husband died are the only years I have ever lived alone. Our son recently got married and clearly he was feeling the strain of this and not having his dad at the ceremony and he just doesn’t want to engage in a conversation. I have to bite my tongue but inside I am screaming as he just doesn’t understand the loneliness I now face every day.

Spent the afternoon crying. What a miserable life with no end in sight.


[“Deb9, post:3, topic:67731”]
sum up the situation. Glad you keeping busy with your singing, wish I could sing but tone deaf. Thanks for taking time to reply it does help to know some people know and understand how and what you are going through and don’t judge you. Take care


Sorry did not mean to post this it won’t let me cancel it xx

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Hi Jenny.
Cornwall was also our favorite place and four yrs on i still can’t bring myself to going down there .Too many happy memories. My name is Jeanette and i lost my husband David April 2019. He was 67 and just retired.I to have 2 amazing son’s with 4 beautiful grandchildren. One of which i help out with twice a week. That will end when he goes to full time nursery in September. I see my family quite a lot and i have really wonderful friend’s and neighbours. But yes at times i do feel lonely and miss him so much.Today was difficult as it’s our wedding anniversary and i went to see along with my son’s his entry in the Book of Remembrance at the Crematorium and left the Red :rose: Rose’s as i aways do every year.Thinking of you and Deb.x


It was a good post anyway and