Just asking is anyone out there who has any idea about dealing with matters after a death, when its all done and dusted and there has been the funeral and everyone has gone back to there own lives and the bereaved suddenly find themselves alone and its like the day after the day after and you suddenly realise that this is it, that nothing is going to change, that things are not going to get better and that this is the first day of the rest of your life, that you want your old life back but you can’t have it, and you want it to be the last day of your life and you wish you could go and join your loved one because you sence there is nothing you can acheive on your own, all your primary family have had the sence to move on
to the next world and you are the night watch man at the crease knowing no one is coming after you, and it feels as if you are staring into a setting sun facing 100 mph bouncers coming at you like me109’s out of the sun…and you wish it was over…and you ask your self what is the point and what’s it all for?. any answers please?.
Unfortunately I have no answers for you, but I wanted to respond.I’ve seen many of your lovely helpful posts on the forum and am thinking from this post that you’re not feeling great right now. Sending you best wishes over and hope whatever is going on passes quickly
Hi, thankyou for responding, not at my brightest and best tonight,I may have the beginnings of clinical depression so I intend to contact my doctor, apparently it is one of the risk in bereavement and while the bereavement mortality rate is controversial, there is clinical evidence to support it, I am NOT talking about suicide, people can just run out of steam, stay in bed and give up, it almost happened to me in the first week after my mother past, I have had depression on and off all my life and I am probably having it again and like my Niece I may well have to accept medication this time, my Niece is addicted to it, my diseased twin brother(her father) described it as a ‘very middle class illness’ I do not think that is fair and if anything mental health issues are on the increase all over.,partly the state of the world and partly the constant pressure of modern life that we are all under, nature did not intend us to live the way we do in a constant, 24 hour society, it is not good for us, increases anxiety and increases stress, and for what?, because some one thinks we should live like that, why?, thankyou for your kind comments regarding my postings by the way.
Tim
@tim007 this is when you grit your teeth, look for chinks of light and try to crawl out of the dark abyss. Focus on the love and believe that your loved one would not want you to be suffering in sadness and sorrow for all eternity. Take care xx
Thanks Rosiepink, good name if I may say so, and yes, crawl to the light is a good narrative, my black dog has reared its ugly head again and has left me depressed, I need to seek help for it,my doctor realised I was ill before my mother passed and put me under the mental health nurse in the practice more used to dealing with battle field troma (I have ptsd) I think I need to accept the antidepressants they were offering me.
Thanks for your response, take care.
Tim
Hi @tim007 . I too had PTSD, not from battle field trauma, but from having to exist in an intolerable situation at work, from which it was impossible to escape. You will recognise the symptoms of digging out these horrible memories, beating ourselves up over them, then putting back the memories in our brains to relive them, again,and again, and again!
I resolved this by reading an exceptional book, and by hypnotherapy. I was happy again!
THEN, my wife of 50 years died!! After the first few weeks of chaos, I realised that grief was the same as ptsd, with me digging out memories, hurting myself, and repeating all the time.
So I used the same techniques to help ease the grief, and it has been a huge help in getting my life back on track.
Im happy again after 18 months (apart from short emotional spells). I get up each morning looking forward to the day ahead.
I often look back to those early weeks and months, when life had no purpose, despair was the order of the day.
I never forget her, I chat happily with her over breakfast about the things we used to discuss. Today’s was about sorting out her bird feeders for the winter (she loved our garden birds!!)
Good luck, life can, and does, get better!
If you need more info about my therapy, I’ll be happy to PM it to you.
Please tell me more about your system, I am very interested.
Tim