I very much doubt if many here know will know what peace is. The pain is still too deep to even think about it. But that doesn’t stop it being there.
I like to feel our loved ones have found it. All earthly cares have dropped away and peace has come at last. ‘The Peace that passes all understanding’. That’s right! I doubt we can find that peace while we live. Maybe some have. Some of the so called Saints seem to have had that experience. Brother Lawrence, in ‘The Cloud of Unknowing’ found that peace washing up at the sink in his monastery. This was way back in the middle ages.
From what I have heard and tried to understand it’s more like the realisation that everything is in it’s place. As it should be; yes even bereavement has it’s place in existence.
Julian of Norwich, a medieval nun said ‘All is well, everything is well, all manner of things are well’.
Now to you who read this it may seem obvious that all things are not well with you. But I believe what they are saying is that whatever happens is meant to be and is all part of what we call ‘life’. Hardship, pain, setbacks all come to us because we are alive and human. Is it part of a learning process?
I’m sorry to wax all philosophical, but I am trying, in my own mind, to understand what’s happening and why.
Having said that is there an answer? Perhaps it’s all unanswerable.
Peace has to be the absence of all worry and fear. My wife used to meditate and say that she found peace there and after. She was a very peaceful person.
I believe there is something in us all, call it Soul, Spirit what you will, that is beyond our present understanding. We are in the dark so to speak, but sometimes, and more often of late, I get glimpses of that elusive light. Is that where peace lies?
You may feel it’s all nonsense and that I am not feeling the pain we all feel. Don’t you believe it.
I am realising that orthodox religion gives me no answers. But I am beginning to understand that there is so much we don’t know. Being earthly beings we only see things in black and white. Happiness is happiness, and pain is pain, but there are so many more facets between these two extreme emotions.
Just as our eyes are not capable of seeing beyond only a small part of the spectrum of colour, so our brains can’t comprehend fully what goes on in so called death.
We will know eventually for sure.
Our perception is so limited yet we often think we have the answers. I prefer to wonder; to not know yet because it may be too much for me to cope with.
Blessings to all.
But what is it? It’s a bit like trying to define love.
Hello Jonathan, your posts are always thought provoking and kind. But like all on here I question life and it’s meaning. As you get older you subconsciously accept death as a part of life. It’s still painful but if you’re in your seventies or eighties you know in your heart death will come at some point. How do we accept it when our children die? My son was 27, he just loved life, had just moved into his own home, worked at helping others. And ‘god’ decided this was the time to take him. Why does this God give us life, put us on this earth and then just as we are getting to the best part of it he takes them from it!!! My son should have had another sixty years. He would have made such a difference to this world. How do I find a reason for this? Blessings to you…
It’s from easy to find answers. It does seem so cruel and heartbreaking. ‘Why’? This comes up time and again. The old answers don’t entirely satisfy do they? ‘Gods plan’, ‘We can’t see the big picture’.
I feel for you and your loss. I have no idea of the pain involved in losing a child. Losing one’s partner is bad enough. But as we get older death is not such an ogre.
It’s to be expected, but not at 27.
You are right to question Tey say that when you say ‘I don’t know’ then wiasdom begins.
Feeling the presence of something bigger than us is a feeling and it’s difficult to share such feelings. I wonder if you have noticed how many times someone has suffered and gone on to help others. It happens almost every day. That girl who was injured and brought from Syria to here has helped so many. And she sure suffered! I wonder.
But one thing has come out of this for me. I have made friends on here and all have helped so much because they know. I have many friends who don’t know, and it’s sometimes difficult to communicate.
Sometimes I find it best to just shut down and let the world pass by. My problem is and always has been; I think too much. My wife was always telling me so. Maybe we all do, overthink.
Now take care. Blessings and a hug.
Dear Jonathan, thank you so much for your comforting words, you are so wise and compassionate. My dear husband of nearly 59 years, passed away, just over 5 weeks ago, his, was a sudden death although he had felt ill all day on the day he passed. I miss him so much, yet, I am one of the lucky ones, I have 2 wonderful children (they are both in their 50’s. who are showing me such compassion and love, although they are suffering so much too. I have friends who contact me (I am not being smug) just grateful for the goodness and kindness of people. I thank God that we had so many years together, I am sure that the longer you are together, it is the hardest thing to part. My family (sister, nephews, neices ex-sister in law) have not acknowledged Stan’s death, no messages of comforting words, yet he was always kind to them especially as they were growing up. I am convinced that we shall meet again when the time is right.
“When love is true and faithful, it cannot be denied, in memories green pastures we will wander side by side”. These words bring me comfort, but how I miss him, he was 84 years old and I have just turned 80 years old, he never seemed to change from the day I met him when I was only 17 years old. I am sorry to ramble on, Love to all, Mary
Hello Mary, I feel uplifted when I read your words. Please don’t apologise you are not rambling. You have told us of the great love you and Stan shared for so many years, and how thankful you are, how lucky you feel to have supportive children and friends. What a kind positive person you sound. I am sure Stan will be with you after all those years together such a love cannot be broken.
Un-supportive family members, we have written about them on many occasions but it seems to be the norm these days. I have never heard from any of Brian’s family since the funeral, including his two daughters, although I have sent letters, emails and left telephone messages. I thought we all had a good relationship but obviously I am now forgotten. I have sent items to his sister which she wanted and never a word of thanks. So I have just accepted that they are no longer a part of my life.
Don’t give these family members a thought Mary and concentrate on looking after yourself and near family. God Bless. Pat xx
Hi Jonathan . What a good question. what is peace or where to find it. Is that within that occasional smile? The few seconds when we think our grief was a mistake and it didn’t happen? Or may be when we find that something so deep in our souls that will allow us to tell someone how proud we are for having our husband/wife/child/mum/dad/sister or brother i our lives and be deeply happy to say that, and find comfort in that , without pain. We may go back to grief but was that a second of peace?
I think then or pethaps i hope that we may just find one day a small fraction of that “,peace” we are looking for. If only as a memory for the deep love we have for our loved ones.
As Ghandi said "Peace is our own reward "
Take care (bad week so trying to float again). Love De xx
Hi.De. Dr. Claire Weekes who was considered a doctor who understood anxiety, (so many don’t!), Said in one of her books that the four principles in anxiety recovery should be ‘Face; Accept; Float; Let time pass’. I think that could well apply to us in grief.
First of all facing what has happened without wishing it hadn’t. Looking back and wondering or engaging in guilt helps not at all.
Accepting what has happened as part of life, as indeed it is, can help. Acceptance of the emotions and awful feelings that come with grief and realising its all part of a natural process.
‘Floating’ may sound odd. But when we feel emotional by all means let the emotions come, but try and float through them as if in deep water. Those who can swim know that if you struggle and try to get out of deep water you may well sink. But if you float you can relax on the surface.
Letting time pass is the most difficult. It drags doesn’t it? We wish we could push it forward to a time when we may feel better. Alas, it can’t be done.
Some may wish their time away so they can be with their loved ones again, and that is very understandable.
You ask ‘is that within the occasional smile’. Oh yes! That brief little moment, that elusive second that we try so desperately to hang on to. Initially its fleeting, but as time passes it can become longer and more real.
I know, I know, to some of us this may all be ‘pie in the sky’. The pain may, at this moment, be so overwhelming that any suggestion of peace may seem like a fairy tale, or even an affront to their emotions.
If this is the case I’m sorry, but we all speak from our own experiences.
Peace lies within ourselves. No one can give it to us. They can help us find it.
‘The peace that passes all understanding’ just that. It can’t be understood by the mind. Looking for it won’t help. It’s a blessing that comes upon us when we give up the struggle. (Not give in, oh no!). When we stop looking for it it’s there.
Thanks everyone for your replies. Love and hugs to all. XX
Hi Jonathon I received this bible quote Revelation 21:4 from a kind lady on our much-loved site after my wife passed away last November a lady I have never met but took the time to send her condolences and this verse.
And I quote:-
. And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more,neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
This verse sticks out above all others at the moment in my mind and I dedicate to us all in the pain of grief.
Kind regards MM69
Dear Jonathan. today my floating changed to swimming in rough waters. But back to floating. thank you so much for your kind and wise words. love and blessings De xx
Dear Jonathan. today my floating changed to swimming in rough waters. But back to floating. thank you so much for your kind and wise words. love and blessings De xx