I has been a while since I last posted and life has been grinding me down nicely.
Apart from not having anyone (and I mean no one) interested in whether I live or die, everything that can possibly go wrong these days, will go wrong.
I have spent more than a week chasing up a client who owe me large amount of money so that I can pay my bills next week. Today I had a very depressing call with my health insurer because I need to see a thyroid specialist (a lovely new discovery of nodules on my thyroid), who despite me paying large amount each month for said insurance have refused to cover the specialist I am being referred to.
Why should everything be such an effort …?
I am exhausted and I have no one to help me bear this and no one to talk to. I broke things off completely with my cousin in Italy because he was very very rude to me (sending me rude video clips on WhatsApp) and I will not tolerate anyone treating me like that. I deserve better, family or no family.
I am missing Andrew all the more and I have wondered what the point is to struggle everyday to find myself with little money left each month, no savings and no possibility for even a long weekend away. At least the mortgage was paid off a few years back (thank you, Andrew!), although I must get on with selling the house to pay the debts left by Andrew (including a big HMRC bill).
I am sure I am not the only one with problems (and other people in the world are far worse off) but I am not sure how much of this I can take before I flip!
Sorry. I am very tired, overworked, not seeing much for all the work I do and can only see a tunnel at the end of the light.
Hi Sonia from jeff . You do sound very low . I feel for you and im sure all that visit this site will feel the same empathy for you . This greif business is bloody awful . I wont say i have good days i have better days . My wife was my life . But im sure your Andrew would want better days ahead for you . Im sure there will be light at the end of your particular tunnel . It may sound simplistic to say be strong . Its what i tell myself each and every day. All the best X
Hi Sonia. Sorry for your loss. Grief is such a shitty thing to deal with, and then to have other pressures on top, do you no favours.
Take a deep breath. Find someone to help you sort out the debt. You need help with that, before you consider selling your home.
Your client who owes you the money. Give them a certain time to pay it up, or it will go further. As for your health insurance, might be idea to read through your policy, to see if they can do that to you.
You must get someone to help you. Also keep coming on here and having a rant. We are all in the same boat.
You can message me if you want someone to talk with. It would be my pleasure. You’re not alone. You have us on here, who understand exactly how you feel.
Ive been having very distressing days and feel life is worthless without my husband. Ive no sense of purpose and lost interest in everything. Why bother anymore. How do you cope like this, go to meetups but feelings of dread overwhelm me going back into my house on my own. I felt safe and secure with my husband for 54 years and now life not worth living anymore. How do i cope on my own.
Im truly sorry your struggling . Its personal to you . But know how you feel the hole our loved one leaves can never be filled but we have to learn to cope . Witch is a difficult thing to do .There is no road map its just small steps on a long journey to some sort of new normal . X
I am starting to think that the best thing for me is to adapt to being completely on my own and learn to enjoy my own company. I can always have unvoiced (and sometimes voiced!) dialogues with Andrew. It certainly makes more sense (and is healthier in a way) than trying to engage with people who are not that interested in me and hitting a brick wall all the time.
It seems everyone has an agenda and you are not part of it. I get it. We all need to live our own lives and we all have our own issues. It also seems very hard to meet genuine people who really care. Maybe I am wrong but this is my current experience.
If I were lucky enough to have enough money, I would probably buy somewhere either in the countryside or by the sea and become totally self-sufficient.
I would really like to have a dog or cat (or both), but cannot do this in my current home. It is way too cluttered. The thing with pets is that they love you pretty much unconditionally (apart from the feeding and walking bit!).
I think for all of us, well-being (both physical and mental) is the most important issue. We do not necessarily need other people to achieve this, although I admit I would not mind meeting someone a few years down the line.
However, I have decided that if I do, it is all and good. If not, it is also fine with me.
Only read half and can to the understand ing I perfectly understand where you are coming from. Since losing my mum a lot has happened to me but not in a positive way. From finding out I have a stomach hernia to getting pain in my lower back. It does get you down because you think why am I being made to suffer like this and then you think is life really worth it. I lost my mum and you a partner and it does make you think if there’s a spirit realm where’s there no suffering and your loved 1 was there, wouldn’t you want to join them ?
