Thankyou Rita2 and thankyou Jules4 I just want to do the best I can for her it’s all I can do for her now pauline was a real sweetheart and I was blessed and lucky to have had her in my life
Dear Casey1
I will be thinking of you tomorrow. As others have said somehow we get through the funeral, we do so because it is the last act we can do for our loved ones. Make sure the days after you have support - grief comes in waves and you need to have people there for you.
Take care.
Dear @Casey1
I am so sorry for your loss and wish you strength to get through the day tomorrow. I admit I was a bit in a daze on the funeral day, but being surrounded by his friends and our family - all those who truly loved him, respected him and miss him tremendously- did help. The service (humanist) was beautiful and the woodland burial site was so serene & peaceful. The day of the funeral was not the worst for me. Seeing my love through a hospital window on a ventilator, then his passing the next day was far far worse.
And now 17 weeks later? Living without my love, man & boy, of 42 years - this is worst thing I will ever have to do.
I really hope you get through tomorrow & find some comfort in the tribute to your beloved.
Maigret
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Sheila26 thankyou and Maigret thankyou i will do my best for her tomorrow unfortunately I don’t have many people close by for support pauline and I both suffer with depression and I have ocd and a personality disorder so I cut myself of from most of my family so it was just us two and our pets my sister and her husband and their daughter and our next door neighbours will be there tomorrow paulines brother who has not seen her in years plus people who knew her before we met so for me not many I know but I’m there for her and thats all that matters and that it goes well
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Dear @Casey1
Please do come back here to say anything at all you want after the funeral tomorrow. We listen, we try to help, we are all in this awful matrix & need support.
Maigret
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Maigret thankyou I will do this is where I have been getting most of my support as everyone on here I talk to understands the same as I do with them you don’t really know how it feels until you are living through it
Thank you Sheila it is indeed and don’t know about you but for me it’s getting tougher as time goes on as it’s real now.
Big hugs x
Hi Julie69,
I too feel it gets tougher, though people expect you to be ‘over it’ after a certain time. The time for me is now almost two and a half years, and I still yearn for my husband to come back, but then realise as time goes on that this will never happen. I’ve just left my son, daughter-in-law and two young grandkids, but try as I might, the tears still come as soon as I walk in to my (empty) house.
Dear Juli69
Most definitely most improving. I went into the city centre today - first time since the lockdown started. I had plotted a route so as to avoid the places that me and husband would have gone to but forgot it would take me past one of the pubs where we hung out when we first met and also the restaurant we always went to for birthdays and anniversaries. I returned to the car - a lonely walk - and sat and cried for over half an hour. I don’t think that I will be able to return to the city again unless I can plan another alternative route. It doesn’t help that now lockdown is easing I have so-called friends ringing to ask me to go out to the pub for a drink. I have gone out for a couple of social distance walks but returning to a social life without my husband is never going to happen.
Take care.
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It’s just so hard day after day of this sad lonely life. I try but my heart is broken . It is impossible to accept they are not coming back as this is not the life we want. Big hugs to you too. Xx
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It’s so difficult Sheila but well done you for getting out there and trying. I honestly feel I have not made any progress even though counsellor says I’m doing great. I still can’t watch certain TV programmes . I too have tried to get out for walks but hone style my heart is just not in it. This can not be my life now it’s so sad and lonely. I’ve had friends asking me to go out for food etc… but like you cannot think of that. Graham was my best friend and we were always together he would be the one I wanted to spend time with. I now just fee l like a sad spare part. Every one else’s life carries on
Take care x
Dear Juli69
Yes, I understand the feeling of just being a spare part. Well meaning they might be but sick of people telling me to focus on son and his kids. Our son and his partner have a life of their own they do not need me trailing round with them. I am slowly just resigning myself to a lonely life, trying to just get through each day. I can’t do the things that me and my husband had planned as part of our retirement - how do you do anything when it is just ‘you’. We did silly things that made us laugh, I can’t do these things with others they just would not get it and it would/will never be the same. I can’t make eye contact with people I just do what I have to do in the shops and get back to the car.
I do not feel like socialising at all. They tend to talk about work, holidays and their other plans. I cannot be the one pouring cold water on their conversations but I cannot join in either so best to just keep myself to myself.
Like you I just wanted to spend my time with my husband.
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Hi I have to agree with you both I lost my husband off two weeks married just over 2 years ago there is not a day that goes by I am in tears he was my everything then this January I lost my mum who was my rock when I lost my husband x
I feel exactly the same way. I could have been locked down with my wonderful husband for another 5 years and it would have been fine. 5 days without him is hell. I do feel as if I have been left in a living hell because that’s what it feels like without him. Sending hugs
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I know what you mean about the conversations. You want to be happy for them with their plans but you just feel a massive dark hole for the missing plans that you had.
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That is someone that you don’t need. Not tactful or thoughtful at all.
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Yep, I recognise this. My brother when he visits goes on and on about where he and his wife are going, trips, hotels ect, and thinks it will be good for me to go on hols. They haven’t a clue what it will feel like being alone without the one you love! Been suffering a little ill health lately too. He says see the doctor, to be honest, I dare not. Being alone and having a disinterested family, I’d worry if I needed hospital treatment, and nobody at home to care for me once discharged. Plus nobody to care for my large garden! Life certainly finished when my love passed away.
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yeah I have the same kind of worries. My wife once told me if she’s gone don’t be sad because she had my company till the end. What she worried about is me, left alone in this crazy world. I’d have to grow old alone and no one was going to care for me. Now without her that’s exactly what I’m worrying about everyday.
It’s getting sunny and hot in Hong Kong. It should have been joyful days for us. We would go shopping, visit the museums, dining out, or even doing nothing at home. We normally would have a 2 weeks vacation during the summer holiday and we should have been planning that now.
Now she’s not here. Holidays and weekends are what I dreaded. We felt time was always not enough when we are together. Now everyday seems too long. Nothing we’d enjoyed doing together has any meaning to me now.
I like my job but by as my wife always told me: after 25 years of that I should try to live a life a little different. That’s why we were planning early retirement in 2022 in a country where things are cheap and life is relaxed. Now I have to increase my working hours during the day kind of maintaining my sanity; and that would continue until god knows when…
Every hobby, fun thing we used to do together brings no joy to me( sometimes that actually brings up past memories which intensify my pain). I discover that my emotion is a bit ‘sink in’ after 2 months since I lost my wife. Not crying everyday anymore but there is a kind of deep seated sorrow, a dull aching in my heart which is like a cloud over my head. Everywhere I goes, the thought of,’ o last time when we were here she’s so happy and healthy’ propped up. How should I go on?
Sometimes it’s not the widowed who don’t want to start again and get going. We’re are like the 5th wheel wherever we go; everywhere there are people with their spouses. They just won’t understand what hell we’re living in. They are lucky, as we all once were.
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I know exactly what you mean. Weekends used to go too quickly when my wonderful husband was here. Now they just drag. Things we used to do just upset me now or I have no motivation to do them. I see no future - or not one that I want. This is my idea of living hell.
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Oh how insensitive some people are!! A few weeks after Eddie died, his cousin said to me ‘right, you need to book a holiday somewhere nice and warm, that’ll help’. Honestly! Another relative (of Eddie’s) said to me ‘come on now Les, you need to get over this’ - this also a few weeks after Eddie had died! I also have a friend who tries telling me what I should be doing. I feel for sure that they think they are doing good, but they are NOT. These people still have their other halves so life is completely different for them, as one day they will realise.
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