Hi An37,
Thank you for sharing how your life is at this stage. So sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband - such a shock. I wanted to connect because my dad passed in the same way - we were just as shocked as you. Cardiac arrest is so cruel to the ones left behind. I am glad to hear that you are living your life as best as you can. We are stuck here on earth for a while, and so have no choice but to live the life that we have. I wish I had an answer as to why the universe chose your husband or my dad at those exact moments. Obviously, its something mechanical / electrical in the body that stops some important process from generating whatever is needed for the heart to know to work. Whatever that is particularly and why it happens has eluded me. The best answer I have is dehydration playing a role - but why? We get dehydrated frequently from exercise or forgetting to drink water or from a fun night out. So did my dad and so did your husband - so why now? I don’t know. Its such a blessing to have wonderful people surrounding you - you must be a wonderful person yourself to inspire that. Hope that you have a peaceful evening. Ell
Thank you for your reply. My partner said to me we have a good 20 years together. Little did we know that was going to happen you just think your going to grow old together, not to have the biggest trauma in you life and find him like I did. I just think we was meant to be, he was there to show me how to have a better life before he was chosen to go. I never believed in anything but now I see robins and feathers and even butterflies and believe it’s a sign they are watching over us. It makes me feel better and gives me a smile as I know he is my guardian angel
Dear Stephtim, I also believe we are stuck in the moment — Just today one of my wife’s came to visit me today. We went out foe a lunch - had pizza and a beer. He basically wanted to talk as he had the day off from his job. I was in the process of replacing an electrical outlet (sounds like fun huh?) Anyway, it was a nice day so we decided to eat indoors. He asked me how I was doing - I told him I’m just keeping busy doing things around the house. Then I opened up the topic of his mother - he told me he thinks of her all the time - I agreed and told him I miss her every day too. We both managed to keep our composure, but I could tell he was trying to keep tabs with the family. We joked around - I could see he was serious - I hadn’t seen that in a while. Afterwards he came by my house and helped me with the outlet - I think he was trying to reach out. I’m not his father but it almost seemed like we were having a father-son talk. I was encouraging him to try to open up to the family. He was upset about some things in the family issues and told me that some of the issues in the family had upset his mother in the past. There are a number conflicts in the family ranging from grudges, a possibility of 2 divorces on the horizon. He is close to his mother so I think these are things that bothered him. He also mentioned that his mother told him she was happy with me in the early days - I told him I was very happy to know that. I felt encouraged by that and by the same token, I feel I was encouraging him too. He went out of his way to finish the electrical job. So what’s my point? Sometimes people, especially the young folks watch and remember the way we live and care about each other. I may have lost my wife, but maybe I gained her son by an example of hos I have managed to carry on. I hope it lasts. Hope this encourages you a little.
Herb
I had meant one of my wife’s son’s (my error)
Herb
Dear makeitagirl, I too miss my wife - I looked at some photos of her when she was a young girl, some of her as a teen. She was a pretty girl in her time - but to me she is always a pretty girl with a very gentle and kind personality. That’s what won me over to her. I was so deeply saddened and a bit depressed when she died. We had been married for only 8 months - we struggle to buy our house in 2015 - she was so happy with it and with me too. Then I lost her -oh how saddened I was -still am. Like so many others on this site - I put on a happy face but inside I am a sad old man. I know how hurt feels - like you we must somehow keep moving forward - maybe setting an example for the young - at least that’s the way I see it. I can sympathize with your feelings - they are genuine - I hope you will join the rest of us and find solace on the site and share your feelings, good or sad with us. We are listening to you. Please take care of ourself and let us know how you are doing. May God bless you.
Herb
Correction: I don’t know how I missed it - but my wife and were married for 8 years not 8 months. Sorry about that.
Herb
Hello Herb, I hope you’re managing to stay strong today. All anniversaries are difficult and today’s could be more difficult than normal. I have seen from your posts that you are coping within reason comparatively speaking. Wishing you peace and strength for today and the future.
All the best, AL
Thank you Al, I went to visit my wife’s site this morning as I had stated. I cleaned away some of the leaves and twigs, placed my one rose by her headstone, talked to her about how I was doing and how much I miss her. I sobbed for a bit trying to relive a few memories and told her I will be back again soon. I lit my candle and had a glass of wine and finally played the Nat King Cole song "Smile " because that’s what I do now. But most of all ail I have a very good cheering section on this site! I feel encouraged today thanks to nice people like you and so many others. Thank you all for remembering me today!
Herb (aka greencat)
Hello Herb, I am glad your life regained a little bit of normality after one year… You and your wife must had had a wonderful relationship.
I’m two months in and sometimes i still cannot find the appetite to eat or to do something i used to enjoy… I used to play the guitar because my partner encouraged me, now holding it just makes me want to cry…
Sending you some love and support.
Riley
Hello Riley, I received your message today- so I just wanted to say hello to you and thank you for writing. Yes, it’s been a year now - but I still miss her after one year. I think I have somehow managed to be a normal guy, especially when friends and family are around . (This doesn’t mean I am back to being normal but I do put on a good show when necessary). There are some things I was doing and things I haven’t gotten back to since my wife died. I’m trying to get ready for the coming winter season - that may be my next challenge. Covid 9 virus has me in lockdown unless I go to the store or do chores around the house. I was thinking of buying a car but what for? I only use my car (Jeep) to do chores - so I put that off. I guess it takes time to put your life back together again doesn’t it - I can see that happening to you. I guess it does take time. My home is empty and I feel like I’m on a bike with one tire - so I’m not out of the woods yet - but I am trying. Now we have to get thru the winter and the upcoming holidays. It’s not the same anymore for me - I have on small x-mas tree that I’ll look for and put up. We had a larger one but I don’t have the heart to put it up. So I just do one day at a time and do the best I can. I hope you are able to enjoy life as best as you can - we can’t ask for more than that. Hope to hear from again sometime. Thanks again for writing!
Herb
Dear lonely, That was such a lovely letter you wrote and thank you for sharing that with me. i was impressed that you were were with your husband Peter for such a long period of time! 50 years could almost be a lifetime for many of us these days. I’m glad to know that you have not lost Peter in your memory bank - Also glad to know you still think of him - I was wondering if I would forget my Madeleine in time. I recall all the things we had done together (both good and bad). I reflect on those days when we were still trying to develop our love for each other. I guess we didn’t think it was going to last. Somehow, it worked out for us. (How blessed I was to have her). Like you, I am so lost without her. We would wake up early - have our morning coffee and be able to talk for hours (she shared so many memories with me - how could I forget her?) She was such a kind and gentle-spirited person - I could help but love her every day. Sure we had our setbacks and bad times - but I never stopped loving her. I was so depressed and sorry when I lost her (still am). I don’t seem to understand this journey we call life as yet, but I am hopeful that one day we will all be joined together in love and peace — I have to hope for that! I want to say how sorry I am that you too have faced loss as well. I am glad you can identify with my story because sometimes the loneliness sets in and you feel so lost and alone. I do miss my wife so much. Thank you again for writing back - your message has meant a lot for me today. I wish you much love and happiness! Thank you dear lady!
Herb (aka greencat)
Makitagirl
I to lost my husband of 52 years 13 months ago and think of the memories and life we shared together. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I miss him terrible everyday and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and cry. I am so lucky to read all the post to see we all feel the same way and missing our loved ones. I know they would want us to go on and not be lonely. How can we go on and not be lonely when we’ve lost the true love of our lives.
We just have to take it a day at a time
My hearts go out to each and everyone because I know and feel what you feel
Dear Sheila, You are so right about the loves we had while experiencing life. I was married to my wife for 9 years and we had our home for not quite 5 years. She loved being married and being a home owner, also was a grandmother for about 4 years. (She loved her grandchildren). There were some setbacks in both of our families - but she was managing just fine - I was her support as well as being her husband - I really was happy we were married! It wasn’t a perfect marriage but we did love each other - In all the family issues and setbacks I can honestly say that I never stopped loving her. I could say so much about her - not so much because she’s gone - but that she never was interested in hearing the praised I offered. She was a modest person, but also a happy and contented person. She loved children, animals and was a great organizer and never taking credit for her lovely life with me. I just wanted to share that with everyone!
I never expected her to leave me this early in life,. I miss her. Thanks for writing back to me.
Herb (aka greencat)
Hello I lost my partner 2 years in January, we was together for 6 years he was my true love. Like you I miss him every day and life is just not the same. I get on with my life looking after my girls and going to work. I just feel at a loss and very lonely . I just want him back to carry on our wonderful life together which we had. I sometimes say to myself live your life for him which I am trying to do but COVID at the moment stops that xx
Looks like we’re all on the same journey thru this life. For me, it’s difficult to go it alone - i miss her by my side. I guess we have got to see this through - Like you, I manage to do what needs to be done, but I get moments where truly miss her and the way she did things, her jokes, smiles, singing, and always being herself. Thanks for sharing your story with me. You can always say more if you wish - we’re all in the same boat . Take care!
Herb (aka greencat)
Hi again Sorry to hear you have had problems with your teeth. Lots of problems happen due to stress. I didnt know things like teeth, gums etc could be associated with stress, many illnesses too. Stress is a terrible thing as your Immune system takes a hammering and lots of horrid things happen.
Be strong keep on this site as it really does help and you will find lots of people feel just like you. Its such a comfort to know you are not alone with your thoughts and emotions. Be strong and keep safe Sue