What Now

I lost my husband, my very best friend, 4 weeks ago, he died suddenly in the night, I woke up to him making a strange noise and couldn’t wake him, I called an ambulance and they came quickly, but less than an hour later he had gone and my world imploded.
At the time the person the phone told me to get him on the floor to do cpr but he was so heavy I couldn’t move him, and I am forever haunted that I could have saved him, if I’d been quicker, stronger, something.
His funeral was yesterday, we are still waiting for cause from the coroner, and I’m struggling to carry on. We were together for 31 years, since I was 17, he was only 48, we have 2 children of 17 and 14. And if it weren’t for them, I just don’t know how to live my life without him, I can’t sleep in our bed and have been on the couch since he died, I’m lost in all the thing he’ll miss and all the things my kids will miss out on, who will teach my son to be a good man, he is 14, who will show him how to shave, how to navigate through life, I have no siblings, no aunts and uncles, no male role models for him to learn from.
I feel so very scared and alone


Hi Lilyboost. Please don’t be hard on yourself. CPR probably wouldn’t have helped in this case. I think the coroner will explain why. In some cases it can help but I don’t think in this case it would. The first place you can turn to regarding your son is school. There should be some sort of pastoral care available. Also a good, well run youth club if any still exist. If he would be interested there are youth branches of the ATC and and other armed forces. The youngsters aren’t expected to join up or anything but they can be helped along the right path. Both of your children will be grieving too and may show it in different ways. Finally a word about sleeping on the sofa. My aunt did it when she lost my uncle. She was still doing it 20 years later. The longer you leave going back to bed the harder it will get. It was your place together for all those years. You may find more comfort there than you can imagine.


I’m really sorry for your loss be strong for your children it will get better in time x

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I’m six months in this horrible journey. Still in shock, feeling surreal so hard to believe my soulmate for 32 years(we met at 17) left me within just 12 hrs of a sudden illness. Fear and grief have many similarities. Losing someone who would give everything for us invariably makes us feel vulnerable. The heartache, anger, guilt is tormenting me though it’s different from what it was at the beginning. Try not to think too much in advance take 1 day at a time. Take care.

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