What now?

I spent the weekend wishing it would end. Now it’s over and I am still miserable and don’t know what to do with myself. There are lots of things that need doing but I can’t be bothered. I could get rid of stuff, clothes, food that only he liked, paperwork, tools, books and maps. But I don’t think I can face it yet. It’s not that I want to keep them, but when I do sort it I will be left with empty spaces that won’t be any easier to look at than his things.
I could do some gardening or jetwash the patio, but I can’t be bothered.
I used to work in a charity shop and will probably start doing that again. But not yet, it’s only 5 weeks and I still get the shakes and butterflies in my stomach.
Maybe I will just go and snuggle on the sofa and read a book. I might even fall asleep, I haven’t had much sleep lately.
I don’t love it. Xx


Just relax if that’s what you feel like don’t push yourself the other things will wait .I don’t know about you but where I live the weather is so miserable it doesn’t give me any motivation to do anything.


I understand.

I have not dealt with any of my husband’s possessions. They are still here.

The only thing I did throw out was a pot of cream he had bought and was no longer edible. I had forgotten all about it.

I also think of things that I could do but can’t be bothered.

What is most important is being kind to yourself!

So don’t give yourself a hard time.

Sleep is important. If reading a book occupies your mind, then read.

I don’t know if this will help.

I do what I have to do and then one or two things I feel I can do. Even if I don’t finish them, I have tried.

The other morning I was not good.
I set myself a time, actually it was noon, and tried to do something up till then.
My reward was then sitting down with a mug of tea.
I managed to make it through the 45 minutes.
Sometimes the time is only 10 or 15 minutes.

Sending you a very big hug,

Rose xx

Hi @Willow112
It is so hard this sadness and loss of direction which seems to consume every part of our lives at the moment.
It is only 5 weeks in for you so please be kind to yourself. The loss of motivation and purpose is common I think.
I have got so many things I could be doing but I just can’t get going so just leave them.
All his things are still where they were, the garden needs work, I need to do some cleaning up but everything takes so much energy at the moment and I just find it so hard also.
Also it makes me feel so bad that I can’t get going as normally I would be busy doing things, making plans, etc and I don’t recognise myself like this.
I am struggling to accept that this is maybe my reality for a while - I hate feeling and being this way but also finding it more difficult to cover up as time passes.
Have a day where you are kind to yourself- watch tv, read if you can, catch up with sleep.
Someone told me that “you are exactly where you are meant to be “on this journey.
I’m not sure I agree but perhaps they are right.
Just do what works to get through the day

Sending love and strength xxx

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My wife died late November 2023
I’ve kept everything
It keeps me near to her
Her shoes next to mine on the rack
Her perfume on the dressing table
Her favourite clothes
I can’t let go of them
It keeps me close to her

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Terry that’s a bit how I feel. Kens comb on the shelf in the bathroom. His things on his table by his chair. Right now I would find it extremely difficult to get rid of anything,

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It is strange, I seem to be the odd one out about his stuff. I have thrown out or put away some things. His toothbrush, and comb, his wallet, everything he left out. Like his headphones, watch charger, camera. I can’t bear to see them sitting there waiting for him. His shoes and coats have been thrown away or sent to the charity shop. The things in cupboards and drawers are untouched because I don’t have to look at those. I told the hospital to dispose of his things, toiletries and shaver.
I had a dream, he was a bit cross because I had got rid of his things and he wanted to use them.

I spent today feeling sorry for myself. I eventually fell asleep on the sofa. Woke up feeling worse. So, I went into the garden and talked to Jeremy about how I am feeling.
I hate days like these.

We are all different.

The father of someone I know, told his daughter to clear out his wife’s wardrobe the day after she died.

There is no rule book for what to do with our loved one’s possessions.

Take care xx

Yes I use my husband’s stuff. I swopped some of it for stuff for myself.
I liked that idea. I use his old razor. He used to complain but I still did.
One day I will get rid of his fav glass bottles as I don’t like them but not yet. But I will put them out of the way first.
Gradually things get moved. His name was mentioned in the local news booklet 18 months after he died ! If he walked in he would say “what’s all this?” He would put everything how he wanted it. Tidy drawers and cupboards.
I don’t enjoy doing that but will have to force myself.

Most of my husbands things are still where he left them. Glasses and phone beside his chair. Car keys on the dressing table. He could walk in and just carry on. I see no reason to move them at the moment.

I have rearranged the ensuite because that was ‘his’ bathroom. I moved in there and just made me a little space. I’m just not ready to get rid of his stuff yet.

The gardening stuff is another thing though. The allotment shed had 2 broken sprayers and a hoe where head turned then you put it on the ground, so broken. All long gone! Potting shed had lots of broken pots (plastic) and everything just thrown anywhere - all sorted.

The thing is that everyone is different. I think we will know when it’s time to part with things.

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