In the last six months I’ve lost my grandma who I was really close to, my best friend had stage 3 cancer (she is recovering thankfully) and my aunty passed away just after Christmas after a long and sad illness.
Ever since I just feel like I can’t do things I enjoy, all I really do is watch Tv and sit on my phone. I don’t read or cook much, I have an art class and it’s a real struggle to leave the house for it, I have a yoga class each week and I barely manage to go. I’ve started leaving the house more for walks but I struggle to listen to music or podcasts. I used to enjoy photography and now I can’t be bothered. I also love holidays and exploring and travelling and I just simply can’t be bothered with planning or doing anything.
I struggle to make conversation with people, even those close to me. I’m usually relieved when social plans are over or I can cancel them. I oversleep, I hate having chats with people at work but I force myself, I’d rather just be left alone. I am always tired or rundown and my body aches. I just feel really crappy in myself.
I’m really withdrawn from my romantic relationship and close friendships. I don’t want them to not be there I just feel insecure and I rarely feel any sexual desire with my boyfriend. I feel gross in myself and unhealthy.
I think I’m just really numb and feel crap and maybe am depressed. I guess I don’t know how much of this is normal.
I’ve never felt like this much before. I feel like my mind is so busy but it is also so empty.
I tried to have a bereavement counselling session today but because I had another bereavement of my aunty since I applied they said I have to wait a few months for time to pass. I just want to feel better really.
Any things that helped other people and is this a normal experience?