What’s the point!

So I lost my husband Martin back in March. One minute he was making us a cup of tea, the next he was gone. He was a young 60 year old and loved life.
I’m at the point where I am functioning … just!! and putting on a brave face but inside I am broken. I can not and do not want to spend the next year let alone the next 30 without him.
I am exhausted beyond believe trying to deal with my emotions especially as all I see around me is everyone getting on with their life’s … and why shouldn’t they.
Every evening my dad , who is 90, FaceTimes me to see how I am coping. So every evening I have to make sure I don’t look like I have been crying, that I have at least attempted to get dressed. I tell him what I have eaten that day and how busy I have been, when really I’ve probably done very little. Anything to take the worry away for him … the reality is I feel like I am constantly screaming inside, my brain won’t switch off and I feel no enjoyment in anything I do. What’s the point of trying to continue as normal, as now nothing is normal … I don’t want this new normal.
Thanks for listening

5 Likes

Hi Dee,

So very sorry about the sudden inexplicable loss of your husband.

I understand how the prospects of 30 years feeling the shock, pain, and loss seems like 30 years of torture. I just wanted to reassure you that you will not feel this way for 30+ years. One day, the sky will look blue again, and a bee will be interesting again. It takes time and is different for everyone.

What a blessing to have your caring amazing dad.

Warmly,
Ell

2 Likes

I get how you’re feeling. My 50 year old husband died in March - went out for a run, collapsed and died, we still don’t know why. I don’t want to think of another 30+ years without him, that is the worst thing that could be done to me, having to be without him for that long. Being without him for a few months has been torture. I am here for my children - that’s my role now (even though they are young adults, they have been through enough pain). I am watching my mother and mother-in-law suffer through prolonged illnesses and my one tiny bit of comfort is that my darling husband didn’t have prolonged suffering. I feel as though I used all my happiness up in my 51 years. People say just to take one day at a time (which I am doing) but you can’t help but think to the future and I don’t see one. Even joyful times I should share with my children are now so sad as all I can think is that he should be there. I don’t have any answers other than slight bits of hope from some lovely people on this forum who have said that it will get easier. I do hope so. Sending hugs

4 Likes

Hi Jules4. My partner died unexpectedly at 67 and like you the one bit of comfort I can find is that he won’t suffer the indignities of old age. I was a carer for my mother who died aged 93 ( nine days before my partner) and the last few years were grim. The sad bit though is that this should have been the time Brian and I had some freedom. It was not to be. I don’t want to grow old without him.

2 Likes

I know what you mean. We were caring for my mother with vascular dementia and she went into a home 6 days before he died. We just thought that we might have a little bit more time and a little less stress so that we could relax more together. I can’t help feeling cheated.

2 Likes

It is so hard we dont want this new llife my husband died suddenly at 61 felt so helpless im always asking my self should i have noticed any signs was there any more i could have done i know there wasnt but you cant help with the what ifs. like you say your brain wont switch off i am constantly over thinking everything i dread the thought of another day let alone 20 year but i say to my self you cant put the children through that again so soon and my grandson who is 12 is absolutely devestated they had such a bond its been nearly 9 months i think it feels like it gets harder because people are carrying on and they should i get that but as you said we dont want to carry on without them you put on a brave face and take one day at a time

1 Like

I just wish the time would fly now but of course, it does the opposite.

1 Like

Dee64

I’m so sorry for your loss and the gnawing raw pain you’re feeling. I feel it too, through different circumstances, but I do understand some of the feelings you describe and the turmoil in your head. Mentally/emotionally it’s so so difficult to make sense of such a massive shock. It’s like your world has stood still in time, while everyone else’s is still turning.
I’m new to this site, but reading posts, it almost feels like a refuge where so many people have at least some understanding of what other people might possibly feel?

2 Likes
Back to top