For four years, there was someone next to me in bed, every morning I would make two cups of coffee, I would leave for work with a kiss, I would snuggle up on the sofa with him and watch TV, then I would go to bed wrapping my arm around the man I love. Now it’s all gone, just like that.
I feel empty, numb and alone. I have broken nearly every bone in my body, but nothing compares to this, time and rest will not mend me this time, how do you go on knowing it won’t get better?
You are not alone, its been 8 weeks and everday for me is a struggle, the tears haven’t stopped and the day’s and nights are long, quiet and lonely
I want to be with him so much, I am trying so hard to support his mother, but I feel I need support. I know it’s selfish, but I just want to get away from everything, I don’t want to hear her crying anymore, for her and me. I know it’s wrong but I just want to tell her to shut up, I go outside and walk to get away, but at night it’s killing me. I have tried listening to music through my headphones but I feel so guilty.
What should I do, because I’m losing my mind. I know the night is coming and I’m dreading it, I can’t cope with another night of just lying there hearing her cry, not able to do anything to help.
Have you spoken to the doctor about getting something to help you sleep? It might just help to calm you down at night. I find the evenings the worst as I just cry and cry. The doctor gave me a few diazepan tablets and taking one before bedtime helped relax me so I could sleep for a few hours.
The problem is I’m in Italy, I can’t get any help until I come back to the UK, but I can’t leave her on her own. The whole thing is a mess.
There must be some way of acessing healthcare on Italy. Are you on holiday there? Perhaps have a look at the UK government website?
I came over for his funeral, he was Italian, but we lived in the UK, but he got a job in Milan, I was going to join him after I got my degree, but he thought he had Huntington’s disease like his father and he also had a problem with alcohol addiction. I think he was lonely and scared of what was ahead of him.
I have been told I can get help from the British Embassy, but I don’t think I can get a doctor’s approval for medication, but honestly I have know real idea. We are in a very small town in Tuscany, but I will have to look into it more tomorrow. Thank you.
I hope you can get some help and support in Italy and then back home here as well.