What to do with myself

Hi
My husband died in sept. He had a long battle with cancer and I gave up work 3 years ago to look after him when he had complications after his bowel operation. I took 2 weeks off after his op and didn’t get back.
He was already retired but I’m 10 years younger (60).
Feel a bit lost trying to find things to fill the days. Went from being busy with hospital appointments and district and macmillan nurses visiting to nothing. Been swimming, going for walks, doing jigsaws but all on my own. Most of my family and friends are still working so difficult to meet up.
What do you do to fill the days ? Any ideas ?

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Barbara trying to fill our days is very hard I too do jigsaws and I also do art I always liked drawing and painting but didn’t do any for a long time after Jim died as I had no one to show them too but then I found a friend that sells them for me and money is going towards Jim’s headstone so I feel in a way jim is still looking at them I will send some pics of ones I’m done see wot u think

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They are good. Must be comforting to know the money you are making from them is going to something so close to your heart xx

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Thank you Barbara yes it is a comfort jim would be proud.
Xx. Also could you go for a walk that helps to get some fresh air.

During lockdown I was going for a walk every day. It was good to clear my head with everything happening. Haven’t been lately but have started today. Done my 10,000 steps xx

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I understand totally. I am in a similar position just filling my time. I sometimes feel nothing will ever fulfill me again. I have started a new keep fit class thinking something to help me get fitter and meet new people. It all takes time and dealing with this pandemic just makes the process even harder. I am also thinking of joining a walking group too but it’s taking that first step.

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Yes it is taking that step to do things. I don’t think i can join any groups or anything at the moment but hoping I can do it in the future. Been feeling anxious going anywhere but that might be getting a bit better xx

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Hi Barbara
I too, lost my husband to cancer in May and I gave up work. We had plans to do so many things together but now those plans are no more.
I have a dog so I walk him twice a day which gets me up and out. I also volunteer for Age Concern as a befriender and driver, I’m also a zone rep for the local residents association and I have joined a yoga class so these keep me busy. I try to meet up with one of my friends or neighbours for a cuppa once a week but I have to be proactive in arranging these.
I also put a weekly task in my diary, this could be sorting out my wardrobe, blitzing the bathroom, sorting a cupboard in the kitchen, sorting the photos etc.
However, there are days when I just veg out and binge watch something on Netflix/iplayer.
I find that people are very supportive in the early days but then they tend to drift off as they are busy with their own lives so I try to contact them and arrange a catch up.
I hope this helps.

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It seems like you are keeping yourself very busy which is good. Since new year apart from my sister, daughter and a couple of friends I haven’t heard from anyone. After all the promises of meeting up etc people do just think you should be ok now and just leave you to get on with it. Feeling very isolated. I’ve thinking if I want to get out and socialise it looks like I’ll have to be the one making the move to do it. Part of me doesn’t feel like it but I know I need to do it because spending so much time at home on my own is not doing me much good xx

Hi. I think most people on this site have experienced the broken promises of ‘we must meet up’, stay in touch etc but as I have found they think you are ok and get on with their own lives. It is hard and can be difficult motivating yourself and making the effort to contact friends etc but perhaps as I did, send a text or WhatsApp message as the first step.
Good luck x

Had a better day today so going to message a couple of friends to arrange to meet up x

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Hi Barbara
After my wife’s passing I bought a dog a golden retriever and called it Freddie he has been a godsend and I walk him all the time together with my daughters dog Luca a black lab. He has given me a focus and purpose through what is for all of us a grim time. I’ve decided to venture up the Western Highlands of Scotland which I have always felt truly at peace in the summer with my dog,tent,stove etc and just meld into the background and think of all the wonderful times we had over 40 years of marriage. I would recommend getting a dog. Hope this is of use
Regards jim4

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Hi Jim
Pleased your dog has brought you some comfort and purpose. We’ve always had cats so my cat is enough for now. I’m pleased I have her she is a cat that likes lots of cuddles and attention and she always sleeps beside me on the bed. Your planned trip away sounds good x

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Thanks Barbara
All the very best to you.
Regards jim4

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Hi Jim , your trip away with your dog sounds wonderful. My Alf died in November, miss him so much. Around about now we would be planning our summer breaks. We would have four nights here and there, nothing fancy but we love just walking on the beach and through the woods, just peaceful pastimes. I shall be lost this year as I don’t drive any more. I’m still thinking of getting another little dog. Let us all know on the forum how you get on .
Take care, Kathy

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