When my sister died so suddenly after my parents, I was feeling so mixed up. She was an alcoholic and died of SUDAM - Sudden Unexpected Death in/from Alcohol Misuse. During the last few years of her life she was a worry, aggressive, rude, hurtful, sad, loving, cunning - so much more.
I’ve realised that I’m full of anger towards the Drs. Blaming them for not doing more, pushing them for access to her medical records. It’s almost like I’m looking for someone to blame for not helping her when she was drinking herself to death, at the times she lacked capacity? I’m at the point of not knowing whether to keep pushing, looking at what they did/didnt do for her, or just leave things. I’ve constantly blamed myself but it had got to the point where it was her or me and I had to back away. Weeks later, after Dad died , she did too. I don’t feel that any agencies including the Drs helped, but could they? Where do I go from here?
Hello @Daphne6,
I’ve read back over your posts and can see you’ve endured so many losses - I am so sorry for all you have had to cope with.
It’s understandable you’re feeling so angry. I can’t tell you if the doctors could have done more. But it may be helpful to connect with others whom have lost a loved one to alcohol abuse. Adfam supports families who are affected by someone’s drinking and if you visit your website you can find out more about the support they offer.
Families Anonymous also run a virtual support group for those who have lost a loved one as a result of the use of drugs or alcohol. They meet via Zoom on the second Thursday of each month, 7-8.30 pm. Contact office@famanon.org.uk to find out more.
If you do want to make a complaint about your sister’s care, PALS has some guidance on where to start. Visit the NHS website here:
Take care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
Thank you. Next week we are having a “ceremony” and scattering my sister’s ashes. I’m verging from feeling apprehensive, glad, frightened and other emotions about it. In the past two weeks I’ve just sat on my bed and howled to walking and talking aloud to her and Mum and Dad.
A nurse that I saw this week said something that did have an impact. She said “don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve”. It has helped a little. Love to you all going through grief.