What to do?

Its been four months now, since my dear wife passed, Struggling through each day. 63yrs she was, im 66yrs and retired. She died of the horrific disease MND, which i looked after her 24hrs a day. Now days are lonely, and quiet, although i do have three grown up children, who, are obviously going through there own sadness. Yesterday was my wifes birthday, which was very emotion able, to say the least, her grave full of flowers and cards. My son suggested a couple of months ago, he move back in with me, with his ten year old daughter, which at the time seemed a good idea. But. now, having mixed thoughts about it. Rooms need re decorating, and made up for a youngster ect ect, and i am still feeling in denial, that sometime soon she will walk back through the door, which i know in reality she will not. I keep the home as it always has been, and just unable to move things around, i know i should move on, and my son is very patient, but should i be feeling like this? …John

Hello John, I’m sorry to read of your loss. It sounds like you’ve had an incredibly difficult life for quite a long time. Four months isn’t very long (although it probably feels it) for you to recover from the strain of being a carer and to adjust to your loss. I don’t think there’s any should or shouldn’t about how you are feeling, we are all different and grieve in our own way. I don’t know anything about you or your family situation but for what it’s worth I would jump at the chance to have one of my children stay with me. It would be so much better than being alone in the house. I completely understand you don’t want to move or alter anything, I was the same, and still am to a point. But being alone seems the worse option. It needn’t be a permanent arrangement (nothing is) but having company might help you cope and adjust, and to work towards establishing a new normal for yourself. Your son and his daughter will be grieving too, and being close to you might help them too. Just a thought John, and best wishes whatever you decide.

Hi John im very sorry for your loss .Unlfortunately theres no magic cure or right or wrong way to grieve for your loved 1 .Things will change whenever they do and you will go down a road at some point but theres no time limit to when things happen .Take it day by day try have some me time .You deserve a break from your nightmare .It will still be there when you return to reality.(im 15 months into my nightmare and at times i still expect Denise to walk through the door ) Dont be a stranger here if you prefer pm do so .I and others use pms at times .Colin (im 57 denise was 41 she died on her birthday 04032016

Thank you Neil and Colin, wise words. Yes Colin, it was a nightmare. before mnd set in she suffered severe Arthritis, having both hips and knees replaced. Then after, a living hell of coping with mnd, which took her from me in twelve months.I have learnt so many medical procedures in last few years, id make a good nurse!..I loved my wife more than anything, and would do it all over again if it was the case. I dont know how you gents feel, although i was devoted to her, i still feel i need female company in my life, someone to look after, to talk to, to go out walking with ect. My lovely wife, before she passed made me promise, to find a companion, as she didnt want me to be on my own…John

Dear John
So sorry. I lost my brother last Sunday and I’m afraid I am not coping very well.
However I wanted to tell you about my present partner.
He lost his wife in 2011 after 40 years of happy marriage. For the first six months he didn’t want to do anything or see anyone and shut himself away. He didn’t eat much and lost a lot o weight. Luckily he had very caring friends that would often bring a cooked meal round and leave it for him. They were a very sociable fun loving couple.
He decided it was time to pick himself up and try to make another life. He had by no means come to terms with his loss.
About a year later we met. It was not easy for him at first as I he didn’t say much but I could see and understand his pain. He was wonderful and very loving towards me but the grief was still there. As time passed the pain seemed to come less and less often. In between he enjoyed life very much, just as he did before it all happened.
It has been aver 5 years now and we have moved to ‘our house’ and made a totally new life quite different from both our pasts. We are extremely happy but of course now and again the losses of the passed are remembered and still hurt but memories of them now, are the happy ones and much treasured.
Best of luck with your future life John. It is a gift nature gave us and we should try to do it justice, and for sure what our loved ones, that we will carry in our hearts always,
would want to see …Y

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Hi Yolander

Im so sorry to hear of your loss, yet still find time to write to me, must be hard going.
Thanks for your reply. Im so pleased everythings going well for the both of you. Its very encouraging, I do find it very lonely, and time is precious at my age, My late wife bless her, understood this, and didnt want me to be on my own. Once again thanks for replying, i wish the both of you all the best…John

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