I lost my eldest brother last year. He was only 50 and the life and soul of every party. Loved and admired by all who met him, thousands turned out for his funeral. To me, he was my safe place, the one who loved me for being me. I was abused as a child and my brother was the one constant place I could turn to and feel safe and I would feel reassured that I was worthy of love. My husband loves me, my kids love me, but I don’t love me. All the old demons are raging at me. I can’t see the point in this life, although I still feel joy and happiness when it is there. I love my husband and my kids deeply and truly but I fail to see what the point of life is when we just make memories that crush and crucify is when they leave us. I don’t know what to do to get my head out of this space, it is crippling me and I feel so very alone.
You’re not alone. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard losing someone who was our rock. Not knowing where to turn or what to say.
Keep coming on hear and writing your feelings. I know it’s the old cliche, but it really does help. We’re all having the same feelings. Grief is such a horrible thing to d3al with. It brings up all sorts of emotions.
We all grieve differently but saying that, we all feel the same. Just remember you’re not alone, you have this forum, with lots of amazing people. This forum has helped me alot. Let us help you.
Sending hugs 
Thank you for those kind words 
I really appreciate it. I’m just confused by the depth of my grief, the overwhelming enormity of it. I feel like I don’t want this life I have, and it’s a good life, but I feel like we are all on this conveyer belt towards death anyway so what’s the point 
I know I need to do something to help myself or to change what I’m feeling but I don’t know what. My husband asked me last night if this was my way of trying to find a way out of our marriage. That couldn’t be further from the truth but it shows how difficult and distant I have been 
Sorry for rambling x
You don’t have to be sorry.
Talk to your husband. Explain to him that you have no issues with your marriage. Explain to him, how losing your brother has left you feeling. It feels like your husband is really concerned.
If you’re not ready to talk to him yet about your feelings, then find some support, to help you put things in perspective. I rang CRUSE bereavement before I came on this forum. They were very helpful. Coming on here has helped as well.
You’re not judged in anyway. Everyone is suffering with grief. Just take a deep breath. Think about how you want to do things. You’re not alone.
Take care. Message me if you want to chat
Hi @mrsnessie
I’ve just come across this post, I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is such a horrendous journey and there doesn’t seem to be any way out. I lost my mam on 15th January so all my emotions are still very raw, but it does get just slightly easier over time. I don’t think you really realise it though because it’s such a slow process. Also you’ve probably noticed you may have an ok day then go back to square one again
Hope you’re having an ok day 
xx