What's the point?

I know that you are all in the same or similar boats but I just don’t think that I can bear it any more.

I lost my darling husband in May after 10 years battling so bravely with COPD/emphysema. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in March & I think his poor body had had enough. By the end we were no longer husband & wife but patient & carer … & that hurts so much.

You would have thought that as we’d been preparing for the worst for so long that I would be reasonably prepared for it but I am devastated. I think that he ended up in hospital so many times & came home again that I just can’t comprehend that this time he didn’t (although i did manage to get him home - after a huge battle - on the Thursday evening. He passed at 11.00 am the next morning with just me & the cat by his side)

I just can’t see a way through this. I keep thinking what’s the point of anything? And still spending so long in tears. I am on the ‘happy pills’ from the doctor but they are only helping a bit. I don’t sleep & have to force myself to eat.

I know everyone says that time will ease things but - what’s the point? I have 2 daughters who live very close by & they have been brilliant but they have their own lives to lead with husbands & children. They don’t need me & certainly I don’t want them feeling that they have to 'look after ’ me.

I’m not suicidal - but I just feel so adrift & so sad… & just waiting til its my turn


Hi Superdv,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There are lots of other support options out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please do get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,


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Thank you Michelle. Yes - I am overwhelmed but I really can’t see how anyone else can help. It’s just something tha I have to get through …I liken it to childbirth. Everyone wants to give you advice but until you experience it for yourself, you cannot understand or prepare for how it takes over your life.

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Hi It’s the worse thing that has ever happened to any of us and to feel overwhelmed is part of the grief, I was chatting with my sister who said I could live for twenty more years as a widow and I broke down stricken with the thought and cried, I don’t want to live that long without my husband, it’s a struggle everyday and I find it reassuring that other people are expressing the same feelings, experiences and emotions and I’m not going mad, the pain is because we loved and were so loved, I’m truly sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort sharing with all of us on the same road, hugs xx

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@Superdv hi I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband its so heartbreaking to lose our soulmates I lost my partner in April and everday is a struggle I take one day at a time keep on posting on here you will find support we all try to help eachother as best as we can take care sending hugs x

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Hi I don’t know if anyone can really help us, in company I feel like I’m a spectator just watching in my own thoughts, my friends offer to take me for a coffee which is very kind but does not really offer me anything apart from a temporary distraction, it’s so difficult to pull yourself up from the deep sorrow in your heart and exhausting pretending that you are ‘fine’ to others , sometimes it’s nice it’s to be alone sitting quietly thinking your own thoughts and memories hugs to everyone xx


OMG this just goes on and on,we are all feeling the same way,I am a widower of just 3 weeks and reading all these stories is so sad.We have lost our love ones and cannot find a way to go living without them.My darling wife suffered for 8 weeks with bladder cancer,2 major operations,chemo,radiotherapy ,spinal block ,3 drivers pumping pain relief into her body and all the time I sat there holding her ,kissing her and telling her how much I loved her.I held her as she passed away and now I am ruined.


@MAB - that’s exactly how I feel xx

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@Mickeyboy31 I’m so very sorry for your loss. All I can say is what everyone says: it does ease a little but -my goodness - how it still hurts. At 3 weeks, I was still a complete wreck - I’m just beginning to learn to live with it. I think, also for those of us who were carers for our loved ones in the final years,/weeks/ days, it takes a heck of a lot of time to come to terms with the loss of the ‘caring role’…and then there’s all the guilt that goes with it… & quite simply, if you were like me, you were also physically & emotionally exhausted by the end - & that takes time to get over. Take care x

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Yes I was totally exhausted mentally after weeks of caring for my Judith in hospital,I fed her and helped my daughter to wash and clean my dear wife day after day staying until she settled for the night.She had 3 drivers pumping drugs into her,drips with pain relief,lines in her arms and legs ,it was so terrible for her but she was so brave and never complained.I am having nightmares now of her in pain and crying out for pain relief.It will never go away.

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